What fools men are
by curdled-milk
Summary: the sequel to Baka. Is Soujiro really pursuing Tsukushi? What on earth is he thinking? (finished)
1. intro

Three days after she'd come home to find Doumyouji waiting for her, Tsukushi was going crazy.  
  
"Goddamnit!" she thought irritably, "What do I have to do to get them to leave me the hell alone for a while? I just want some privacy!!"  
  
Day in and day out, it was like a continual siege, as both Tsukasa and Rui vied for her attention. "Why can't they just bugger off for a few hours!" She fumed silently. All the attention was driving her up the wall, and to make things even worse, the snide comments at school, about how she, the obnoxious commoner, was playing with the F4, had begun again.  
  
"Arghh!" Tsukushi screamed suddenly in frustration, as she walked down the street, and turning, abruptly threw her fist into an innocent wall. "This just makes me remember why I hate this stuff!"  
  
Sure it was nice that Tsukasa wasn't yelling at her, and was at least trying to be even sweeter than usual to make for his earlier behavior. And Rui, too, was being sweet; walking with her to work, and helping her with her homework-but didn't they understand that she needed time to herself? They were suffocating her with their kindness! And it's not as if she didn't know what they were trying to do. . . She was no fool. And they weren't exactly the most subtle men on the planet, either.  
  
It didn't help, either, that Shigeru and Sakurako kept hounding her, or so it seemed, as they tried to establish how things were patching up between Doumyouji and herself. Couldn't they try to have some more patience, at least? Sometimes, it seemed like they'd never get over the fact that they'd given him up for her. "Why don't they stop worrying about me, and work on their own love lives for once?" Tsukushi growled. Not that Sakurako didn't get laid often enough, as it was; but as Soujiro proved time and again with his myriad women, love and sex were not the same thing.  
  
Tsukushi was still a bit weirded out over the Soujiro incident, but she'd done a really great job of not thinking about it so far this week. And, she didn't intend to start now. As long as Soujiro and Akira kept their mouths shut, there was no reason for anyone to know that she'd slept with the boy. And. "Nothing Happened! Forget it!" Tsukushi sternly reminded herself, fixing her eyes firmly on the streets ahead.  
  
Right now she was headed home, after a day that had seemed nearly endless. She'd lied to both Rui and Tsukasa about when she was getting off work, so that she could have a few hours alone, to get some of her homework done, by herself. She just hoped that neither boy would be lurking outside her apartment waiting for her to return home. It was just too much. Grimacing angrily at the possibility, she continued on her way.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Elsewhere in Tokyo, Akira was bored. His newest girlfriend, a 31 year old legal secretary named Anna, was late for their rendezvous. He rather suspected that she'd gotten trapped into another boring dinner at home with her husband. That was the one problem with married women: you never could tell when they'd be forced to stand you up.  
  
Akira sighed and sipped his drink. The bartender really wasn't very good tonight, he mused. Either that or they were now using inferior brands of liquor here. He might have to find himself a new favorite bar at which to meet his dates. Idly he scanned the room looking for a likely lady with whom to amuse himself with, in the off chance that his girlfriend completely failed to show up. It was too early for most of the working crowd to have come out, and most of the women scattered around the bar seemed to be his own age. "Too young! Too young. Slept with her already!" Akira ticked them all off his mental list. Tonight was turning out to be a real drag already.  
  
And why wasn't Soujiro here to keep him company? He really could use a good dose of Soujiro's teasing right now to make this evening more entertaining, but Soujiro just didn't seem to be himself this week. Akira found himself wondering, not for the first time, if something really had happened between Soujiro and Makino. He knew his friend denied it, and he wasn't one to lie- but something about his story just hadn't rung true. "Maybe I should call him anyway? He's gotta be bored too. . . " Akira started to reach for his cell phone.  
  
"Oh shit!" Akira cursed softly under his breath as he caught sight of a familiar figure entering the bar.  
  
While Sakurako had become much more bearable since she'd toned down the cutesy act, he still was not hugely fond of the girl, especially since he couldn't quite forget the fact that she'd played him and Soujiro every bit as much as they'd tried to play her back when Tsukushi had first introduced them. It just wasn't right for the woman to trick a man like that! Akira believed in an honesty of sorts. There was less need to pretend who you were or what you wanted with older women, anyway.  
  
Akira ducked his head and gritted his teeth. The damned girl was headed his way. Gah! Couldn't she find some other guy to pick on tonight? Surely there was someone in this bar she hadn't slept with yet? Someone who was still fool enough to be taken in by her pretty face and easy ways? Yeah, Sakurako was far too predatory for his taste. The irony of his thoughts, given his own tendencies, completely escaped Akira's notice.  
  
"Hey Akira!" Sakurako waved brightly as she made her way up t the bar. "You seen Tsukushi recently? I've been trying to get a hold of her all day; but she seems to have turned her phone off." Seating herself, Sakurako proceeded to look around appraisingly, "Huh. No worthwhile guys here tonight.. So, have you seen her?"  
  
Akira shook his head, and ordered another martini. Something told him that tonight was going to be a long one. He sighed and tossed his drink back in one gulp as Sakurako commenced chattering at him again.  
  
At another posh bar on the other side of town, Soujiro sat by himself and nursed his own glass of single malt scotch. Gently sloshing his glass back and forth, he watched the ripples spread from one side of the rim to the other.  
  
He wasn't really alone. It just felt that way without Akira there to keep the banter flowing. In fact, by normal definitions, Soujiro was getting as much attention right now as any man could wish. His left arm was casually draped around the waist of a slim brunette, whose clever tongue and sharp teeth were doing wonderfully sensual things to his ear, while his right arm (in between forays out to toy with his glass on the bar in front of him), was wrapped around the waist of the tipsy blond sitting on his lap. Soujiro was carrying on flirtatiously with these two girls from Eirin, as they giggled and twined closer about him. But in his own mind, he felt very very alone.  
  
The girls did not notice, for Soujiro had long since perfected the art of light hearted banter and could respond to the girls' insipid flirtation with less than a quarter of his attention span. Nevertheless, if an independent observer were to ask him what the last thing any of them had said was, or even what the girls' names were, he would not have been able to answer.  
  
He was utterly bored.  
  
These women were all the same. He'd never thought that he'd come to be so tired of the game. But there it was. . . . Perhaps he just wasn't in the mood tonight. Maybe tomorrow his nerves would keen once more for the thrill of the chase, the ritualized hunt, ending, as ever, in a sweaty knot between the sheets. . . . But he doubted it.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" Soujiro wondered angrily, "I must be spending too much time around those bloody virgins!" he cursed himself. He'd never thought it would be possible to grow so tired of sex, of silly women and their interchangeably beautiful bodies. "It has to be Tsukasa's fault! His company and weird ideas are finally warping me beyond belief!" Soujiro wanted to blame his absent friend, but he knew it wasn't true.  
  
"And where's Akira when I need him?" Soujiro thought about calling his friend. Always good for a laugh, Akira would cheer him up. . . Nevertheless, Soujiro made no attempt to reach for his cell phone. He knew Akira was waiting for a new lady tonight, and wouldn't want to come entertain him right now if he was busy impressing her. "Ah, he'll call if she doesn't show. He always does. . . Guess I'll wait a bit longer"  
  
Soujiro had no desire to go home, nor was he terribly interested in pursuing the two beauties who clung to him. However, he'd probably sleep with these girls tonight anyway, if no more exciting prospects came up. And speaking of which. Soujiro scanned the crowded bar, looking for any faces he might recognize. But no, it was all the same faceless crowds, as always. Soujiro found his gaze drawn to the darkening streets outside. Through the wide plate glass window, he distractedly watched the comings and goings of passersby. Wrapped in their coats against the gusting autumn winds: where were they going? Who were they meeting? What lovely ladies were hiding their curves beneath those thick jackets in the evening gloom? Soujiro was so lost in his own rambling train of thought that he was hardly able to continue his chatter with the blond on his lap.  
  
Just then, he caught sight of a familiar figure stomping down the street outside. "Tsukushi?" Where was she going? And why was she so upset now? Even at this distance, he could see her anger straining to explode out of her body. Hmm. Perhaps she would provide more entertainment than his usual routine?  
  
Soujiro hastily, yet ever so politely, eased his way out from between the blond and the brunette. Favoring them both with his brilliant smile, and brief kisses that seemed to linger far longer than they truly did, he made his excuses and promised them he'd come find them later - A promise he had little intention of keeping. Of course, they didn't know that, and they were left feeling petted and happy as he made his way to the door.  
  
Tsukushi had almost rounded the block when she heard a voice calling her name from behind.  
  
"Hey poor-girl Makino!"  
  
"Wha?!" Tsukushi turned around irritably. Who could possibly be harassing her now? Peering down the dark street, the only figure she thought she recognized was the tall guy leaning out of an entryway. Backlit as he was, it was hard to tell. . . but she thought. "Soujiro?"  
  
"Tsukushi! I'm bored! Come drink with me!" Soujiro stepped more fully out of the doorway into the street.  
  
"He sounds more than half-drunk already," Tsukushi thought to herself. "I have to go home and study!" she shouted in reply, and started to turn away again. "I haven't got time for these guys. They never have work of their own to do." She grimaced angrily, suddenly reminded of the fact that either Tsukasa or Rui would likely be lurking around her apartment when she got home.  
  
Soujiro didn't feel like taking her dismissal so easily. Rapidly, he caught up to the retreating girl. (Not that it was hard to catch up; her pace had slowed dramatically again as she thought of what awaited at home).  
  
"Aw, come on, Tsukushi. You don't need to study so much. Besides, I can show you a much better time than some boring algebra texts." Soujiro wheedled in a teasing tone.  
  
"Eh? Where's Akira? Can't he keep you company? And don't you have some lady- friends to entertain anyway?" Tsukushi was confused. Why was Soujiro following her? He knew she wasn't into his scene, right? Surely that night hadn't given him any ideas? Yeesh! She hoped that was not the case. Nevertheless, she was beginning to consider just stopping for one drink. Perhaps it would help to overcome her reluctance to go home.  
  
Adept at reading women as he was, Soujiro sensed her hesitation. "Come on!" he urged again, with a winning smile, "Akira's busy, and I'm just dying of boredom! You've gotta come!" Not waiting for her answer, Soujiro grabbed Tsukushi by the wrist and headed back to the bar.  
  
Though she could easily have broken free, and slapped Soujiro around a bit before continuing on her way, Tsukushi allowed herself to be diverted. At the very least, she might be able to get some enjoyment out of seeing the looks on the faces of the women inside when they saw Soujiro escorting a poor uncute girl like her. Tsukushi snorted softly, Small pleasures indeed.  
  
"One drink, That's all! Then I really do have to leave." Tsukushi warned sternly, as they entered the smoky room.  
  
"Whatever you say." Soujiro gave in with seeming good grace, as he exchanged his tight grip on her wrist for a more relaxed one on her waist, and guided her towards the bar.  
  
"Hey! Don't get so familiar!" Tsukushi made as though to slap him away.  
  
"But Tsukushi! How can you say such a thing, and after we slept together too! Most girls would give their left arm to be escorted by me!" Soujiro protested in a hurt tone of voice, as he removed his arm. It had only been force of habit that had caused his unintentional maneuver anyway. Sheer spinal reflex engendered by years of repetition had made him almost unable to spend time with any girl without automatically coming on to her.  
  
"I'm not most girls," Tsukushi growled by way of response, annoyed by his reference to the other day. "You even think about trying that again, and I will break your arm."  
  
"Ok, Ok. I get the message" Soujiro found two empty stools in a relatively quiet corner of the bar; well away from the girls he'd been flirting with earlier. "I'll behave myself, if that's what you really want. Now, what would you like to drink?"  
  
The two settled in, as Soujiro ordered a gin and tonic for himself, and a cosmopolitan for Tsukushi. Across the room, women were beginning to notice Soujiro's reappearance with the plain, drably dressed girl. The murmurs and mutters began, mingled with laser-like glares in Tsukushi's direction. As yet, Tsukushi, distracted by her drink, and by her confusion over why Soujiro had invited her in, did not notice the changing mood of the people around her. . . .  
  
To be continued..  
  
yeah yeah, I didn't mean to write again so soon. But fuck it, I've got a splitting headache and don't want to tool now. So this here's the start to the sequel to baka, and umm.. yeah I don't have a plot yet; so if anyone has a good idea for a plot, please let me know or else (pathetic whimper) I'll be reduced to plotless blithering and internal monologues. Or maybe I'll even be forced to do my real work. Yuck! 


	2. progression

Soujiro was not entirely sure what to say to Tsukushi now that he'd dragged her to the bar. He tossed back his drink and ordered another one, while Tsukushi continued to glare abstractedly at the polished woodgrain of the bar in front of her.  
  
"So why are you so angry tonight?" he asked at last. "You looked ready to kill something when I saw you in the street."  
  
"Eh? It's nothing!" Tsukushi brushed aside his concern. She really didn't want to talk about her latest issues with Tsukasa and Rui. At least, not in so public a place. She tried changing the subject, "So what ever did happen between you and Yuki?" Tsukushi was genuinely curious, and even several months after the last scene she'd witnessed between the two at Soujiro's house, Yuki still wouldn't talk about what had passed between the two of them.  
  
This was not a topic Soujiro wanted to talk about either, as he still wasn't sure how he felt about Yuki, and even if he did know, he wouldn't know what to do with his feelings. He was not good at dealing with complex emotions. So, he shrugged aside Tsukushi's question, "You know I wouldn't hurt your friend, Tsukushi. I'd be too afraid of what you might do to me in revenge." He smiled disarmingly, but a warning light shone through his deep eyes. He did wonder though, what advice Tsukushi would give if he were to be honest for once and talk to her about his life?  
  
So many topics to avoid, so many tender subjects. Don't go there! What was there to say, if they couldn't open up at all about what was really going on inside their heads? Unaware of what similar thoughts were currently running through Soujiro's mind, Tsukushi played with her drink, wishing for a moment of honesty, but she didn't feel comfortable talking in a place like this. The noise, the smoke, the press of people around them, all of it was combining to make Tsukushi feel even more uncomfortable, Or perhaps it was just that she was beginning to tune in to the angry glares that shot her way when her back was turned.  
  
Soujiro, with his heightened awareness of the female mood, was definitely beginning to sense that the atmosphere in the bar was getting distinctly chilly. Perhaps bringing Tsukushi in here might not have been the best idea. It might be wise to leave now before someone like Asai came over and made a scene.  
  
Soujiro sighed in irritation and slammed his empty glass on the bar. "Let's get out of here!" he suggested abruptly, "This place is too stifling. I can't even hear myself think. Maybe we could go some place quieter."  
  
But it was too late to leave without a scene.  
  
Tsukushi felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around she was confronted by a willowy red-head, who would have been remarkably pretty, had not her face been twisted into an ugly snarl of disdain.  
  
"And just what do you think, gives you the right to be talking to my dear Nishikado?" The redhead spat spitefully as she stared down her nose at Tsukushi. "You're far too ugly, and, by the looks of it, too poor to be worthy of his attention. Why don't you get out of his sight before we're all blinded by your ugly face?"  
  
Tsukushi felt herself getting hot with anger. What right did this bitch think she had to talk to her this way, when Tsukushi hadn't even wanted to come to the bar in the first place. And what the hell was so special about Soujiro that she wasn't worthy to talk to him? Gah! She jumped to her feet, and opened her mouth to snap a furious reply.  
  
But before the words left her mouth, she was startled into silence by the sudden pressure of Soujiro's arms wrapping around her as he stood to confront the interloping girl. Possessively embracing Tsukushi, Soujiro smiled predatorily over her shoulder, and lazily interrupted with, "Ah, Ami, what are you so upset about? Don't you know that you could never compete with this girl? Why don't you give up? You were never very good in bed anyway."  
  
While Ami gasped in outrage at this string of drawled insults, Soujiro proceeded to upset the room of avidly watching females still further, by bending down to kiss Tsukushi lingeringly in the lips. He didn't let up until Ami had at last stalked off back to the clique of snotty females from whence she'd come.  
  
Tsukushi was probably the most upset out of all the women in the bar. What was Soujiro thinking, kissing her like that! She was not one of his toys to be picked up and played with! But she refused to show her irritation in front of all these strangers, but just wait 'till she got the boy alone! She mentally debated whether to break his nose, or just his jaw.  
  
"Don't make a scene, let's just get out of here quietly," Soujiro coolly whispered in Tsukushi's ear as he slowly released her. Throwing some money down on the bar to pay for their drinks, he pulled her towards the door.  
  
"Hey wait! What do you think you're doing! Let me go! I didn't even get a chance to pay!" Tsukushi started yelling the second they left the building, "and don't ever do that to me again! Didn't I tell you not to touch me?"  
  
"Calm down already!" Soujiro glared right back at the crazed woman before him, "It was the fastest way to make her back off without creating even more of a scene. I really hate it when chicks fight in public. It's so embarrassing." He ended this ridiculously supercilious remark with a disdainful sneer.  
  
Tsukushi frowned and reached for her wallet. His logic sort of made sense. Maybe. In a really twisted kind of way, and it's not as if she wasn't used to guys kissing her without permission by now, anyway. . . But she was damned if she was going to let him get away with paying for her too. Holding out a handful of yen at him, Tsukushi muttered, "I'm still paying for my drink. Take it so I can go home!"  
  
Soujiro just continued to glare at Tsukushi's outstretched hand. "I don't let women pay when they're with me," he snorted haughtily, "it offends my sense of chivalry."  
  
"What sense of chivalry?" Tsukushi thought this was the lamest excuse ever, considering his previous behavior.  
  
Soujiro crossed his arms and started down at the short girl. Must she always fight everything so hard? He was beginning to feel like Tsukasa, and that just wouldn't do. "Give it up," he sighed, "I'm Not Tsukasa. I'm not going to argue with you. I don't have the energy for it. But neither am I going to let you pay when I dragged you to that bar, and when it's my fault you had to listen to that bitch. So stop being such a bloody brat. OK?"  
  
Tsukushi held her position a while longer, then sighed and gave in. "Next time I'm paying for you." She muttered at last, as she tucked the bills back in her purse.  
  
"Fine, whatever," Soujiro was starting to get cold standing out in the dark street with the gusty winds ruffling through his short hair. "Let's just get out of here, and go someplace warm and quiet."  
  
"Huh? What? Didn't you listen to me? I have to go study!"  
  
"Oh don't worry about that, " Soujiro replied carelessly as he searched the street for a cab, "I'll help you - What've you got to study anyway?"  
  
As Soujiro was more than slightly tipsy, Tsukushi wondered just how much help he'd actually be. But she had to admit she was curious as to why this odd boy was so reluctant to let her leave despite their fight. She figured it had to be something to do with the strange look he'd given her when she asked about Yuki. After all it couldn't be. . . No-There was no way Soujiro could possibly be interested in her! There was no chance Tsukushi would ever go for Soujiro, not when she already had two guys fighting over her. She just did not need a third. Ah well, if she was wrong, and he did actually try something perverted, she could always beat him up and run away. Right. It wouldn't be a problem.  
  
Reassuring herself thusly, Tsukushi hesitantly stepped into the waiting cab.  
  
Several minutes later, she thought to ask, "Umm.. Where exactly is it we're going?"  
  
Soujiro thought about this question for several moments, then snapped his fingers as if an idea had suddenly come to him. Grinning insouciantly, he produced, as if by magic. . .  
  
"A hotel-room key?!!" Tsukushi's eyes bugged out of her skull, "All right! You can let me out right here! I'm going home!" She started edging for the door. If necessary, she was prepared to jump out at the next stoplight.  
  
"Relax!" Soujiro laughed at the stricken expression on the girl's face. She really was so paranoid sometimes. It was fun to play with her mind like that. He shrugged in mock innocence, "Well, I already paid for it for the night, and I can't take you back to my parents' house! Not at this hour. And I refuse to spend time in that pit you call an apartment. . . so, come on! It's quieter than the bar, and there's space to spread out your books to study. I'll behave myself, I promise. I'd never do anything a girl didn't want me to." He batted his long eyelashes disarmingly at Tsukushi, "But If you wanted to, I know some great ways to help take a break from your studies."  
  
Tsukushi was hardly reassured by this continual teasing. She edged closer towards the door, purse clutched firmly in hand.  
  
Soujiro sighed, and dropped the act for a second. He did not want to be let alone again. If Tsukushi were to leave, he knew he'd just head straight for another bar and drink himself into a stupor, that is, if he didn't first try to lose himself in the stale pleasures of the flesh with some stranger yet to be met. Turning darkly pleading eyes on Tsukushi, he asked more seriously, "Please? I. . . I need to talk to someone. . . . You know my friends wouldn't understand, and. there's no one else.."  
  
Tsukushi winced at the change in Soujiro's tone. She'd almost forgotten again, that he really wasn't the shallow joker he always seemed to be. And she did have a favor to repay for the other night too. She'd turned to him then. It was only fair if he demanded restitution now.  
  
So, what else could she do? Tsukushi nodded slowly, and managed a weak grin. "Even looking like that, you're still not going to be able to get out of helping me with my homework. You Promised!"  
  
The moment safely dispelled, Soujiro flashed a smile in return, as the cab pulled up to their destination.  
  
To be continued..,. 


	3. alone at last

Umm. I can tell you all didn't like the last chapter much. That's ok, I didn't much like it either. Hopefully this one's better.  
  
"Hey! Where are we going? I was just going to go talk to that hottie over there!" Akira protested desperately, as a determined Sakurako firmly dragged him towards the door. "Let me at least finish my drink!"  
  
"Stop whining, and come with me." Sakurako refused to relinquish her grip on the reluctant playboy. "I want to find Tsukushi, and you're going to help me."  
  
"Why me? Can't you get Shigeru to help you? Better yet, call Tsukasa or Rui. I bet they'd know where she is."  
  
"Because you're here." Sakurako smiled unrepentantly, "Besides, I want to talk to her about Tsukasa and Rui. I can't very well do that if she's already with one of them, now can I?"  
  
Akira sighed and rolled his eyes. Why did he have to be stuck with Sakurako of all people? It just wasn't fair. First, his girlfriend stood him up, and now he was going to be tortured by this perky bitch. If only Soujiro was here. He could suffer too. No, dragging Soujiro here wouldn't be very nice of him. But, "I gotta try one more time to escape from this girl," Akira thought despairingly.  
  
"Hey, I think that woman over there is smiling at me.. I gotta go buy her a drink. I'll be right back." Akira mumbled hastily as he tried once more to free his wrist from Sakurako's iron grip.  
  
"What? That ugly cow? Don't make me laugh, Akira. I know you've better taste than that. Now give it up and come with me!"  
  
There was no help for it. Akira went.  
  
"But where are we going?" he plaintively asked again as the pair stepped out into the street.  
  
"First, lets go check out that fast food joint Tsukushi works at." Sakurako replied. "It's fairly close by here-actually, I was on my way there when I spotted you through the window."  
  
"Just my bloody luck." Akira gritted his teeth, "Ok, let's get this over with."  
  
Walking past the Ritz hotel a few short blocks later, Sakurako paused abruptly, her eyes fixed on the cab that had just pulled up to the hotel entrance.  
  
"Hey, Akira. Isn't that Soujiro? Let's get him to help us look too!" Sakurako suggested brightly.  
  
"Bah, He's probably entertaining one of his ladies right now. You don't want to interrupt his fun, now do you?" Akira replied, silently thinking, "No need for both of us to suffer tonight."  
  
And indeed, Soujiro had turned around to help a woman out of the cab behind him. Sakurako gasped as she caught a glimpse of a familiar face wreathed in brown hair.  
  
Akira blinked several times in rapid succession as he watched in stunned disbelief-Soujiro was escorting Tsukushi to a hotel!!!  
  
"Sakurako, Please tell me I'm hallucinating. That's not Tsukushi is it?" Akira managed to whisper hoarsely as he recovered from his slack-jawed stare.  
  
Sakurako couldn't answer. She was too busy watching Soujiro put his arm around Tsukushi as he escorted her into the hotel. She almost missed the sight of Tsukushi elbowing Soujiro sharply in the ribs for his efforts, but not quite.  
  
"Ah. I don't think you're imagining things. 'Cause that's Tsukushi, alright." Sakurako weakly replied at last.  
  
"Shit! I knew he wasn't telling me the whole truth!" Akira muttered angrily under his breath. "This just proves it! How could my best friend lie to me?"  
  
"Huh?" Sakurako twisted around to face Akira. "What did you say?"  
  
"Ack! Did I say that aloud?" Akira mentally kicked himself in the head, "No.. Nothing! Nothing at all!" He didn't want to have to explain to Sakurako about Soujiro and Tsukushi's strange escapade over the weekend. and. surreptitiously he rubbed his neck-he could still remember the bruises Tsukushi had inflicted, and the threat of more to come if he spoke out. So, deny everything until he could figure out what to do.. that was the only solution!  
  
"Men!" Sakurako sniffed. "What are we going to do? To think, Shigeru and I were all set to help Tsukasa make up with Tsukushi-and she's gone after Soujiro?! I mean sure, he's fun for a quick tumble, but.. Tsukushi?? That's not like her .I can't believe it!"  
  
Akira continued to shake his head, "Why would Soujiro interfere with Tsukasa and Rui? I mean, he knows what Tsukasa's like when guys go after Tsukushi! Something's not right with this scene."  
  
But, since neither Akira nor Sakurako truly understood the inner workings of Soujiro's mind, despite all their long years of friendship, they could not possibly divine the true nature of the strange relationship forming between Soujiro and Tsukushi.  
  
Thus, the bewildered duo was left still gaping in disbelief as Tsukushi and Soujiro disappeared from view. Eventually, they recollected some of their scattered wits, and left to go figure out what they were going to do about this unexpected turn of events.  
  
Inside the Hotel, neither Soujiro nor Tsukushi had noticed that they were being watched.  
  
"What am I doing here?" Tsukushi looked around nervously, as she entered the large suite. "This has to be just about the stupidest thing I've ever done. If anyone ever learns I went to a hotel with Nishikado, my reputation will be ruined. Even though Nothing's going to happen!"  
  
Still, she was here. It was far to late to run away now. All she had to do was find out why Soujiro had so wanted to talk to her. But first, she was not going to let him get out of helping her with her problem set!  
  
Tsukushi plunked her books down on the expansive desk that graced one corner of the room. Pulling up a second chair, she glared at Soujiro, who was taking off his jacket.  
  
"Sit!" She waved a hand at the empty chair, as she sank into the other and flipped open her algebra text.  
  
"I can't believe she's seriously making me do this." Soujiro shook his head. Only Tsukushi could be so stubborn. But, he had promised, so he good- naturedly joined her at the desk as she began to recite formulae and scribble equations. "Hey, you lost a negative sign." Soujiro interjected as he leaned closer, thinking, "If I'm gonna help, might as well get it over with.  
  
Some time later.They'd finished her math homework, and were most of the way through the chemistry. "Wow.. he really is smart!" Tsukushi thought wonderingly as she brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. "You really wouldn't think the boy's got any brain beneath that flirtatious exterior, the way he usually acts." Unfortunately, this train of thought led to only one place, and she suddenly became acutely aware of how close this gorgeous playboy was to her right now. As he'd progressively leaned in to get a better look at her work, he'd ended up with one arm thrown over the back of her chair, while the other rested casually on the desk mere inches from her hand. His leg pressed close up to hers and radiated warmth, as he gazed over her shoulder at her open notebook. Occasionally, his warm breath tickled in her ear as he answered her questions. When she breathed, his pleasant scent filled her nostrils.. Tsukushi felt herself start to blush. How could she not have noticed before how close he was!?  
  
"Hey! What's with the face?" Soujiro teased as he saw her face begin to color. "Did you make another stupid mistake?"  
  
"Umm. Yeah! That's it... I think I need a break!" Tsukushi babbled hastily as she shoved to her feet and backed away from Soujiro.  
  
"Strange girl. Wonder what's bothering her now?" Soujiro was so used to cozying up to people-women especially-- that he hadn't even noticed what he was doing to Tsukushi. Whatever, at least now he could stop answering inane problems. He could do this stuff in his sleep-so boring! He began to wonder just what had he been thinking, agreeing to help Tsukushi study? . Oh wait. . . he remembered what he'd wanted to ask. the whole reason he'd dragged Tsukushi here tonight.  
  
Soujiro propped his head in his hand, brushing a few locks of his hair off his forehead as he swiveled in his chair to face Tsukushi (who had begun pacing by the door). He grimaced, as he steeled himself to speak up. He had to ask someone, sometime, right? And Tsukushi probably wouldn't make fun of him. And she wouldn't tell tales. So he might as well get it over with now. Otherwise, he might never know.  
  
Soujiro cleared his throat hesitantly, "Umm.. Tsukushi. you remember I wanted to talk to you about something earlier?"  
  
"Eh?" Tsukushi turned back to face the boy. Somehow, Soujiro looked more timid than she'd ever seen him before. He'd once more dropped the playboy aura, and sat before her: an ordinary, if especially good-looking teenaged boy. "What is it?" She asked in a kinder tone, as if seeing how hard it was for him to speak at all.  
  
Soujiro looked away, as if not wanting to meet Tsukushi's eyes, and finally managed to blurt out the question that had been plaguing him for months.  
  
"Well, ah. I wanted to ask you.  
  
. What does it feel like to be in love?"  
  
to be continued! 


	4. Soujiro's monologue

Where am I going with this? Fuck if I know! I just write what my fingers tell me to, and they've always been rather short on brains. sorry if this is boring. I really did want to have Tsukushi and Soujiro hook up but, goddamnit, how out of character can you get? So that's not happening. At least not yet.  
  
  
  
"Wha?" Tsukushi fell down in shock. What did Soujiro just say?. . .He couldn't seriously be asking her this question. could he? Wasn't this the world's most successful playboy? Surely he must have loved at least one of the women he'd known? Right?  
  
Soujiro felt himself begin to flush in a most un-Soujiro like manner. Wincing, he ground the heel of his hand into his forehead. He could see the disbelief shining in Tsukushi's eyes. He wanted to hit rewind on the vcr of his life, pretend he'd not just made an utter fool of himself by asking such a stupid question. Too bad he'd really meant it. And, it was, after all, too late to take it back now..  
  
"I said," Soujiro ground his teeth as he tried to force the words out through his increasingly tense jaw, "What does it feel like to be in love?" He felt old insecurities rising to the surface, and squeezed his eyes shut, as if to hide from the intensity of Tsukushi's gaze. "Don't look at me like that! Is it really so unbelievable that I wouldn't know? What do you know about me anyway!" Soujiro realized that he'd started yelling, and forced himself to calm down. Turning back to the desk, he slumped down with his head resting between his elbows, and began to speak in a low voice.  
  
Tsukushi overcame her shock enough to pick herself off the floor and settle back into her seat next to the boy, And even then, she had to lean in close to actually hear the dark tones of his voice.  
  
"I've never really understood love," Soujiro began, "I always believed that my mother loved my father-but what did she ever get from it but pain? My father cheated on her from before I was even born. I grew up with the memory of her tears falling every night. Is that what love is? Is it a soul- destroying ache that leaves you with nothing but an empty shell of a life? I swore that I would never hurt like that. If that's what love does, I thought it must be an evil thing. I never wanted to feel like that.  
  
"I think I may have loved my eldest brother, for who doesn't love their siblings? But he left before I ever really knew him, and I learned to hate him for his betrayal of the family. Of me... Those you love will turn form you and betray you. It echoed the lesson my father taught us daily as he left us for his mistresses.  
  
"And then, I met Sarah. We were both so young. She was my friend. I told myself I could not love her. Love would hurt too much. Which one of us, it would hurt -- that I did not know. And besides, I'd already learned by then how to seduce women. Do you know how easy it is to capture a woman's eye-to stir up an irresistible lust? A simple smile, a subtle glance, and they belong to you. It's so simple really. I thought I'd found the solution. Who needs love when sex can substitute-they don't call it 'making love' for nothing, right? At night, when you're wrapped in your lover's arms, passionate lips and sparkling eyes can make you forget that you know them not at all, and in the morning. when you wake, and leave, you'll miss them not at all.  
  
"I thought my heart could remain free, unhurt. And that I could do no harm to others that way. I wanted Sarah to be there for me; not to be one of the girls that came and went in my bed with no second thought. But I couldn't face the fact that she might think differently."  
  
Soujiro laughed harshly, "I was so stupid. I thought if I could ignore the problem it would go away. Sarah fell in love with me.. I saw it coming, and I denied it. Was I in love with her? I don't think so. I don't think I was capable of such emotions. She was a friend. A Friend! You don't love your friends, you can't hurt your friends with your love! I was so stupid.  
  
"You know the rest of that story. You've met Sarah. She says she loves me still, years after I threw her off. I care for her, I don't want her hurt. But is that love?  
  
"And now there's Yuki. D you know what your friend wants from me? I don't think I could bear it if she were in love with me. I don't want to be responsible for hurting someone else. For letting them think I'm capable of feeling something I'm not. I don't know what love feels like! Is it more than pain? Is it something worth having?  
  
"All I've ever felt is empty. Alone. Angry. Until Sarah came and helped me forget.. But I hurt her badly. And I was alone again. And then I met Yuki, and she refused to let well enough alone. I care enough about her not to want to break her too-is that love? She makes me want to do nice things for her. But.. I.. I don't miss her when she's gone.. And, somehow.. I still feel alone.  
  
"Tell me Tsukushi! What does it feel like to be in love? Would I know it if it hit me? Is it something to be sought after? Have I been wrong to avoid it for so many years? Am I even capable of love? I don't know.. Do you?"  
  
Even as he the words poured forth, unbidden, from his throat, Soujiro could not quite believe what he was telling Tsukushi. He'd never really opened up to anyone before-not Sarah, not even Yuki, though he'd told her more than anyone else previously. He didn't understand what unstoppable impulse fueled his speech now-only that there was a vast sense of relief replacing the emptiness within him as he drained himself of words.  
  
Soujiro felt tears welling up and spilling forth even as the flood of his speech poured unabated. He could no more stop them, then he could stop his speech. It no longer seemed to matter to whom he was speaking, or even why. All that mattered to him was that, for once in his life, he was trying to make someone understand. And he no longer felt so alone.  
  
Tsukushi had never heard Soujiro utter so many words at once. He'd always kept himself bottled up; hiding the loneliness in his soul behind a suavely ironic exterior. Except for a few brief moments before, where a flash of anger would seep through, or a hint of vulnerability. Why was he letting it all spill over now? And why was he telling her of all people? What had she ever done to earn his trust? She thought she had the answer- She was a safe person to talk to. Somehow, she'd gained his trust, either by dint of being admired by two of his friends, or even by something that had passed between them the other night. Or maybe he was just tired of having to pretend all the time, tired of acting like everything was fine.  
  
None of which, of course, made her position any easier now.  
  
What answer could she give to his question? What reply would not seem inane, or meaningless after his bitter words. and how could she explain feelings which had taken her so long to understand in herself?  
  
It didn't matter. For the sake of the downcast boy sitting slumped over beside her, she had to try.  
  
And if she couldn't answer his questions, perhaps at least she could offer some comfort.  
  
To be continued.  
  
Ai. It's one long monologue almost. Is it too weird? I'm sorry I ignore plot so much. I'm really not much of a plot person. Give me the human condition anyday.. bah. Next time.. Tsukushi answers 


	5. Tsukushi replies

Hesitantly, Tsukushi placed her hand on Soujiro's slumped shoulder. She hated seeing anyone in pain. She had always been the one people came to when they were hurt or had a problem. So, she supposed that she shouldn't be quite as shocked as she now felt at Soujiro's confession. It was just that. It all seemed so unreal. Sure, she knew there had to be demons lurking behind his confident exterior... but she'd never thought of herself as being the one he'd turn to. Still, no mattered how surprised she now felt, it didn't matter. The fact was that the boy Had come to her, and she had to answer.  
  
Tsukushi racked her brains for adequate words, but came up short. What was love after all? You'd think it was such a simple question-after all, people had been falling in love for thousands of years. How could it be that so many still grappled with its definitions and implications? Tsukushi couldn't answer that one; she'd wrestled with it often enough already as she fought her indecisiveness over whether it was Tsukasa or Rui whom she loved.  
  
And still she had not answered Soujiro.  
  
It didn't seem to matter though. For he was still slumped over next to her, lost in his own inner visions. It was doubtful he'd be able to hear her even if she did speak.  
  
Suddenly Tsukushi was seized by the desire to tell him what she really thought of love; how it was a indeed a cruel, cruel thing that had the capability to destroy her world. How Tsukasa's love for her had brought her torment after torment; how love inspired other's hatred, and insured that each day in school became a living hell. How her love (or crush if you will) for Rui had caused Tsukasa so much pain-and the retaliation-but Soujiro knew about that all already. Or how much it had hurt her that she could not return Kin-san's love. Or how terrible it had felt when Tsukasa had lost his memory and no longer returned her own love. Or even, how just last week, when she and Tsukasa had fought, how love's claws had seemed to shred her soul. And she didn't even want to think right now about the confusion and upset in her life that was currently being inflicted by Rui's love for her. Yes, Love could be a cruel bitch. And oh, yes, Soujiro was right. It did hurt. It hurt so much sometimes she thought she might curl up and die.  
  
But that was not really what she thought Soujiro needed to hear. Not when he looked so fragile and so unsure of himself.  
  
So instead Tsukushi leaned in closer as if her presence could warm Soujiro's frozen heart, and murmured to him of the flip side of love's coin; The way the world seemed more alive when you were in love. How every moment spent in the company of the one you loved could seem like a heavenly eternity. How the sight of their smiling face turning towards you was an ecstasy comparable only to the feel of their lips on yours.  
  
Still, even as Tsukushi poured forth her calming stream of words, she was inwardly cringing. None of this really answered Soujiro's question. It didn't even begin to touch the surface of what was bothering him. In fact, it felt more like he'd stirred up doubts deep with herself, and now by reciting shining platitudes at him, she was trying to reassure herself that all she'd been through really was worth it.  
  
Especially now. Tsukushi found herself once more returning to the subject that had been irritating her all week. Tsukasa couldn't ever seem to stop acting like an impulsive, impatient, idiot. She loved him, but always she was angry with him. Perhaps Soujiro was right. What good is it to love someone who is eternally upsetting you? Someone who by their unthinking carelessness can wound so deeply-just as Tsukasa had done last week. Sure, he tried to make amends for his harsh words, and knowing that he didn't mean his insults helped, but still. Was love really worth it in the end? And what about Rui? He'd been pursuing her with more insistence now, as if sensing a chink in her armor; a flaw in her love for Tsukasa.  
  
But really, Tsukushi wanted to scream, sometimes. I'm just so fed up with the whole damned thing. I'd really like a moment's peace; a normal relationship, without al the volatility and unpredictability of life with Tsukasa or the inscrutable force that is Rui.  
  
While these conflicting emotions tore at Tsukushi's mind, her speech ground to a halt.  
  
"Feh." She muttered, moving back from Soujiro slightly, "I hope you didn't listen to any of what I just said. Right now, I'm really not the best person to be asking about that. . I doubt I ever really was.  
  
"I don't know what to tell you about your family life. I wish I could tell you it will get better. But you and I both know that's probably not true. All families have their problems, and it sounds like yours is worse than most. But really, If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that running away and hiding from your feelings solves nothing. If your family hurts you, you need to face that. Face them. But even if you can't do that, walling off your heart saves nothing. In the end, I think, running away hurts more than anything else possibly could."  
  
Tsukushi looked down at her hands, "I should know. I ran away from Tsukasa often enough. Back then, though, I was lucky that he always chased me down, and brought me back. But Soujiro, who will chase your heart down where you've hidden it away? Who even knows to look?"  
  
Soujiro finally turned his face up to look at Tsukushi.  
  
"You do. Now."  
  
His eyes pled with her, as if to say, "I told you; it took all my strength to say-do you really think I can sum up the courage to tell another?"  
  
Tsukushi wanted to sigh. She really was hoping that Yuki's name would spring to his lips. After all, shouldn't he realize that the only ones likely to succeed at dragging his heart out of the icy pit it was frozen into would be the people who loved him best; which certainly implied Yuki, in Tsukushi's opinion.  
  
Soujiro did not share that belief, however. Sure, he liked Yuki-as a friend. As he'd told Tsukushi, Yuki was fun to do stuff with, and he liked doing nice things for her, but she didn't really make him feel less lonely,. He didn't feel the inexplicable urge to open up to her-not like he had to Tsukushi. Sure, he'd told Yuki about Sarah before, but only because she'd forced him to, in his attempt to make her understand why he couldn't love her. She hadn't really understood, he knew, But that was because he'd not spoken to her about his fractured family, the true cause of the numbness in his soul.  
  
However, it seemed everyone opened up to Tsukushi. Everyone with any decency trusted her, liked her, relied on her to help them when they were down. And Soujiro had found himself following in their footsteps. He didn't think he could explain it if he tried. Even though he felt stupid, and angry at himself for showing weakness, it still felt right.  
  
Being around Tsukushi felt Right.  
  
The thought hit Soujiro's already weakened brain like a sledgehammer.  
  
"I did Not just think That." Soujiro shook his head in denial. He refused to believe he could ever think such a thing. Even if She weren't Tsukasa's girlfriend, or Rui's (whichever she currently was), Tsukushi was poor, violent, plain. and caring, dependable, strong." Soujiro's thoughts trailed off as he realized that Tsukushi was staring at him.  
  
"What didn't you just think?" She inquired, peering at his bemused expression.  
  
"Oh shit, did I say that aloud?" Soujiro flushed pink. Right now, he really wanted to change the subject before he lost his mind on any more deviant tangents. "Gah, forget it. please?"  
  
Tsukushi nodded mutely. Somewhere, somehow, she seemed to once again have lost the thread of what was happening around her. Still, she heard the appeal in Soujiro's voice, and did not look away, as the boy blinked once, twice, again-as he forced his mind to blank out.  
  
Tsukushi watched in fascination as Soujiro applied years of discipline to rein in his troubled emotions. First, his strained features relaxed, softening the angularity of his cheekbones, then his mouth eased out of the tight line it had been drawn into; reforming into its normally ironic arch. Lastly, Tsukushi could almost see the hurt and pain in his eyes being sucked back into the depths of his skull, until the composed features of the handsome playboy had been completely resurrected from the shattered features of the sad teen who'd sat before her moments before.  
  
"Whoa..." breathed Tsukushi, "Don't do that... It's scary!"  
  
Soujiro barked an ugly laugh, more suitable to the face he'd just hidden. "This is who I am, Tsukushi. Just ask anyone." He was desperately trying to retreat from the images of Tsukushi that had just passed through his mind. And the only way he knew how to do that, was to retreat entirely into his adopted persona..  
  
"You're hiding again! Stop it!" Tsukushi glared angrily. Not only was he ignoring the advice she'd just given him.. but the glint in his eyes right now was really unnerving. She had no idea what he was thinking, but whatever it was, couldn't be good, if it had made him feel vulnerable enough to need to hide behind his mask now, after all he'd just revealed.  
  
Tsukushi stood up and backed away from Soujiro. If he was going back into playboy mode, then she didn't want to be sitting so near him anymore.  
  
Soujiro seemed to realize what thoughts were winding through Tsukushi's brain, and once more his features softened, as he stood to confront her. "I'm sorry," he whispered to her back, "but it's true. This Is what I am. I don't know any other way to be." For reasons he didn't fully understand, or wouldn't admit to himself, he felt the need to have Tsukushi's understanding and support, even if he couldn't have her approval.  
  
He sounded so lost again-- so forlorn-- that Tsukushi could not help herself. It must have been the overwhelming maternal instincts in her; the same empathy that made her want to comfort every unhappy soul that crossed her path. Whatever you want to call it, she did the only thing one can do when you've run out of comforting words; she went back to the boy and hugged him.  
  
Soujiro responded by giving in to the impulse eating at him. He clutched the small girl tightly, and sobbed into her hair.  
  
Tsukushi was reminded of how, once, Rui had clung to her in very similar fashion, and she gave an undetectable shiver; This could never turn out like that had. Never!  
  
To be continued.  
  
la la la. Should Tsukushi fall for Soujiro? What a terrible idea? ! Wondering where the hell are Rui/Tsukasa right now? Feel free to harass me at curdled_milk@attbi.com and if you ask real nice I'll even give you my icq/ aim id and you can pester me in person. Won't that be fun? Yeah, I'm just bored and attention-starved. This is a pathetic plea for help. Or something 


	6. and the moment is lost

At last, Soujiro had exhausted his misery. Slowly, awareness of his surroundings permeated his brain-the feel of the wiry girl pressed up against him, the smell of her hair beneath his cheek. No, Tsukushi was not attractive by any normal standard, but there was just something about her that made him not want to let her go. And That, he realized, was Wrong.  
  
This understanding girl, no matter how she might momentarily take pity on him, as one might take pity on a broken-winged bird, could not be his. No matter how comforting he might find her presence, he could not pursue her. Soujiro knew Tsukushi's heart belonged to Tsukasa. And Soujiro, though he might not have been a good man, still was not the sort to willingly or knowingly betray his friend's trust.  
  
Soujiro sighed, as he breathed in Tsukushi's gentle scent. He was used to loneliness, used to walking through life alone. It would not matter if he stayed that way a bit longer. Or, so he told himself. Besides, he shook his head clear, even just having Tsukushi as a friend should help him to feel less alone. That was all there was to it. This is what he must believe, if only for his own self-preservation.  
  
Soujiro reluctantly loosened his grasp on Tsukushi. Gripping her shoulders, he looked down at the worried girl, and smiled hesitantly.  
  
"Thank you," he murmured, and gravely kissed her on the forehead.  
  
Tsukushi promptly blushed scarlet, "Are you going to be OK now?" she inquired.  
  
"Yeah. I'm sorry." Soujiro ran a hand through his hair as he released her, "I didn't mean to unload it all on you."  
  
"It's OK, I don't mind." Tsukushi smiled back, surprised to find that she really didn't mind this newfound intimacy with the strange boy before her.  
  
Unfortunately, neither much knew where to go from here, and the moment passed. Tsukushi, as usual, was the first to flush with embarrassment. She did not know what to say, what to do after such a close moment, with a boy who, in so many ways, was still a stranger to her.  
  
"Umm. It's getting late. Would you like a ride home?" Soujiro broke the lengthening silence at last, as he looked away nervously.  
  
"Ahh.. sure." Tsukushi stammered, "If you're sure you're going to be ok?"  
  
Soujiro shrugged in reply, "I'll be fine. I've taken up too much of your time already." It was obvious that in his own discomfort and strange inner turmoil, he was trying to brush Tsukushi off. She recognized this fact, and denied once more  
  
"No, it's OK, really." All the while wondering, why was he now in such haste to get rid of her, when moments before he'd clung to her as if he would never let her go. Chalk one more up to the inscrutability of men. Tsukushi sighed inwardly, but made no more protest as Soujiro gathered up her books and led her back out into the night.  
  
As the door to the hotel room clicked shut behind him, Soujiro felt his cool, assured mask drop back into place once more. But his jaded eyes refused to obey him, and continued to find refuge in staring at the back of Tsukushi's head, as if they could bore through to her inner thoughts and tell him why. why he felt the nearly overwhelming urge to fold up the diminutive girl into his arms, to entrust to her his inner secrets that he'd never told another soul. They were not feelings he was used to, and the shock made it hard for him to maintain his public face. But, for the sake of his pride, he managed, somehow.  
  
The two were silent throughout the cab ride to Tsukushi's apartment. There really was no need to speak anyway. At last, they arrived, and Tsukushi reached for the door. Before she could step out, however, Soujiro acted on impulse once more, and trapping her chin with his hand, he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. A chaste kiss, but unexpected nonetheless, and Tsukushi found her face growing warm once more.  
  
"Tsukushi," Soujiro murmured, his face mere inches from hers, "You're a better friend than you know."  
  
"Ah... you're welcome!" Tsukushi stammered, utterly flustered by the sincerity shining in his gorgeously dark eyes. But just what the hell did that last comment mean anyway? "I don't want to think about it!" she sternly reminded herself, and with a final wave goodbye, Tsukushi fled into her building.  
  
"I will never understand men!' Tsukushi muttered as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. Thankfully, neither Rui nor Tsukasa was lying in wait for her at the top, and she gratefully slipped into her apartment, locking the door behind her. As Tsukushi collapsed into bed at last, and began to drift off to sleep, her last coherent thought was, "I really hope that when I wake up in the morning, I'll find that it was all a dream. That's the only thing that would make this evening make sense."  
  
---  
  
Akira sat cross-legged on his bed, cell phone limply dangling from one hand. Every few minutes, he'd lift it, punch in Tsukasa's number, and stare at the phone. He never quite could make himself hit send, And, eventually, he'd clear the display, letting his hand fall once more.  
  
Akira was torn by indecision. On the one hand, Tsukasa was his friend and he deserved to know if Tsukushi really had been seduced by Soujiro. On the other. Akira couldn't quite believe that Soujiro would actually do such a thing; all seemingly incriminating evidence to the contrary. Soujiro was his friend too, and if Akira was wrong, and told Tsukasa his suspicions anyway. Well. everyone knew what Tsukasa's jealousy would lead to. If Soujiro was truly innocent, he didn't deserve that. Hell, Akira wasn't sure he'd deserve that, even if he had been sleeping with Tsukushi. Tsukasa had always been just a little too extreme in his punishments, especially when he felt betrayed. And so, Akira sat and dialed, and sat some more, 'till at last, with a weary sigh, he collapsed. Tomorrow, he'd get the truth out of Soujiro if he had to beat it from him. Until then, Tsukasa needn't hear a thing.. at least., not from him.  
  
---  
  
Sakurako paced violently across her room. What did Tsukushi think she was doing? Had she finally given up on Tsukasa? It wouldn't be surprising, given what an ass he'd been to her recently, but still.. Sakurako would have thought that Tsukushi would have better taste than to be hooking up with a playboy as shallow as Soujiro. Especially given that Tsukushi already had Rui doting on her like a little puppy. Now that boy was a prize almost as good as Tsukasa. Well, she supposed she'd see Tsukushi tomorrow. Perhaps she'd ask her if she'd liked that delicious trick Soujiro could play with his tongue.. It might be amusing to compare notes with the girl, before Sakurako lit into her for giving up on Tsukasa so quickly.  
  
---  
  
Soujiro silently crept down the deserted hallway of his own home. Faintly, he could hear his mother's sobs coming from her own room; his father must not have come home again. Soujiro grimaced as he tiptoed past. Perhaps he'd have done better to have stayed at the hotel after all. for his mother's weeping threatened to dissolve once more the fragile self control he'd so recently resurrected. Still, he managed to achieve his own bed before he succumbed to the angst that consumed him. Curling into a fetal ball, Soujiro drove the nails of his fingers deep into his palms - letting the physical pain drown out the sound of his mother's soft sobs, the memory of his own hot tears mere hours before, and most of all, the confusion that lapped at his skull at the memory of Tsukushi's pitying eyes. Eventually, he lapsed into an emotionally exhausted sleep, which, thankfully, was dreamless and deep.  
  
---  
  
Rui slept sprawled out across his bed, his face that of a sleeping angel. If anyone had looked in on him, they might have been shocked by the sweet smile that graced his delicate features; at least unless they also knew that he dreamed of Tsukushi's love.  
  
Tsukasa slept the night away, as well. But his sleep was far less restful. Tossing and turning until his sheets were twisted in a tangled knot, he muttered and called out as his dreams played before his eyelids. Replayed in scene after scene, he saw Tsukushi slipping from his grasp. Tsukushi running away, Tsukushi crushed beneath the weight of the world. And he could do nothing. In all his dreams, he was trapped, unable to reach out to her, to embrace her and take care of her the way she needed to be. Sometimes he was held back by his mother, and sometimes it was Rui's face he saw on the villain. Occasionally, he triumphed and won the girl-and then he'd relax a few moments before the nightmares began again. For him, the morning could not come too soon to save him from the torments that assailed him.  
  
And, eventually, the morning did arrive; the sun inching its way up over the horizon, gilding the city streets with its buttery light, bringing warmth to the awakening world, and setting our characters into frenetic motion once more.  
  
To be continued.  
  
Denial is an amazing creature. It lets us function, blissfully unaware, as we slide down the slippery slope to our dooms. Just because you refuse to recognize the shape of your fate, does not mean it won't catch up to you in the end. Soujiro, like most men, was a fool, clinging to his denial like a lifeline. But it was already too late for him. The stage was set, and as you know. the best laid plans.  
  
Hah! I bet some of you are wondering why in this chapter Soujiro only kisses Tsukushi in platonic ways! He's more of a gentleman than Tsukasa/Rui, that's why! Plus he doesn't want to admit he's got feelings for the girl. or something. I'm so full of shit., I know. But you didn't really want me to write a Soujiro-seduces Tsukushi chapter so early in the fic, did you? I certainly hope not! And what chapter is this-- I'm only just now bringing Rui and Tsukasa into the picture? And they don't even do anything here.. Patience, patience, I've got the next 3 chapters outlined in my head. Now.. so let's see if they end up written anything like I intend. ok, that's a totally gratuitously long A/N for what is, essentially, a filler chapter 


	7. conflicts ensue

The next morning:  
  
Tsukushi awoke with a smile. It was a bright sunny day outside. The blustering winds of last night had calmed and the city was coming alive to face the new day. Tsukushi hopped out of bed, pulled on her school uniform, and padded into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Susumu soon joined her and she hurried to pack their lunches for the day. A quick glance at the clock soon told her that it was time to leave for school.  
  
Hastily, Tsukushi went to find her book-bag, only to discover that it was nowhere to be found. Even a rapid but thorough ransacking of the apartment failed to turn up the missing books.  
  
"Oh no!" Tsukushi realized, "I must have left it in the cab last night! I hope Nishikado noticed and took it. I can't afford to buy new books this year!" Her good mood shattered, Tsukushi set of f for school, "I hope he actually shows up today," she worried, "I really need those books for class... and my homework was in there too!" She refused to think of what she'd do if Soujiro didn't have her bag.  
  
---  
  
Tsukushi's rapid pace slowed as she neared the school gates. She let out a sigh of relief as she noticed the tall figure waiting just beyond, holding s familiar battered book-bag.  
  
Soujiro, himself, felt ill at ease, though one would never have been able to tell from his impassive expression. Damn that girl anyway! He'd hoped to be able to skip school for a few days, get her out of his head. But instead, she'd gone and forgotten her books. If it had been anyone else, Soujiro might have let them come to him to reclaim their things. But he knew Tsukushi probably took her classes too seriously to even be able to do without her things for one day. And so, with a resigned sigh, he'd woken up early, and headed to school. Once he'd returned her things, he planned to slip away and do his best to drive all thoughts of her out of his mind.  
  
Meanwhile, he leaned against the wall, flirting with the stupid girls who flocked around him. And if any of them noticed the battered book-bag slung casually from his shoulder, they were too preoccupied with his teasing banter and sparkling smile to mention the incongruity.  
  
Tsukushi held back, despite her desire to collect her things and run to class. She was unwilling to push through the herd of flashy females, even to retrieve her own possessions. It didn't help that she found the idea of confronting Soujiro again, in the light of day, to be somewhat disconcerting, since she still didn't quite know what to make of his recent behavior. However, the bell would soon ring, and Tsukushi didn't want to be late, so at last she pulled herself together and slipped through the press of bodies. She pretended not to notice the deliberate elbows shoving her and the muttered whispers, just loud enough for all to hear, "What's she doing here?. She thinks she's good enough to talk to Nishikado now does she?. that ugly commoner needs to learn her place."  
  
Soujiro noticed Tsukushi at last, and barely managed to stifle his smile of relief that he'd now be able to get away from his frenzied swarm of admirers.  
  
"Yo." He greeted, holding out her bag, "You forgot this."  
  
"Thanks Soujiro." Tsukushi blushed as she took it from him. Already she could hear the whispers beginning again, "Did you see that? She called him Soujiro! That little hussy! And what was he doing with her bag? Bringing it to school for her like some common servant!"  
  
Soujiro began to frown, as the murmurs reached his ears. The pettiness of his schoolmates never ceased to amaze him.  
  
His frown however, could not compare to that worn by Doumyouji at that moment. He had just arrived at school, and was extremely displeased to find his path blocked by the throng of girls centered on Soujiro. At first, he hadn't noticed the diminutive form of Tsukushi inching her way through towards Soujiro, but his keen ears could not help but overhear their brief exchange, as well as the biting commentary of the crowd. Already in a dour mood due to his lack of restful sleep last night, Tsukasa was ill prepared for the suspicions that instantly came flooding through his jealous mind. Tsukasa had Never been able to stomach the thought of another man getting close to His Tsukushi. and now here was another of his friends seemingly doing just that. And how had Tsukushi come to leave her bag with Soujiro anyway? In a flash, Tsukasa was reminded of his fears when he'd spied Tsukushi and Soujiro dancing in the club together - and they'd kissed! He remembered now.  
  
Tsukasa's face grew grim, and he remembered more-how when he'd waited for her to come home that day, and all the following afternoon-he'd embraced her at last, thinking that everything was going to be fine again - It was then, when the world had seemed once more to belong to him, that he'd thought he'd smelled Soujiro's faint scent clinging to Tsukushi's hair. He'd thought he must have been mistaken-that it was only his insecurity and paranoia speaking. But now.  
  
Something seemed to click. He, the Great Doumyouji Tsukasa would never let a heartless playboy like Soujiro steal his woman! He'd kill him first! It was already bad enough that Rui wanted his girl, but there was no way Tsukasa would stand to be betrayed by Soujiro as well! Tsukushi's virginity belonged to him!  
  
Tsukasa was getting so worked up, he hardly noticed what he was doing as he moved to intercept Tsukushi.  
  
Tsukushi's eyes were fixed firmly on the ground as she tried to ease her way back out through the throng of girls. Unhappily she strained to close her ears to the vicious whispers that surrounded her. It wasn't fair, damn it! She'd done nothing wrong. hell, she didn't even instigate her new and uncomfortable closeness to Soujiro. Not really. However, there was no way to avoid the cruel shoves and pinches that assailed her as she made her way towards the waiting school entrance.  
  
"Oof!" one final shove behind her sent Tsukushi stumbling forward to impact an unseen body in her path.. "Excuse me. Sorry," she mumbled hastily, before backing away and looking up at last, "Oh! Hi Doumyouji!" Noticing at last who it was that she'd run into. "How are you ?."  
  
And then, Tsukushi realized he was glaring down at her. Lapsing into silence, she awaited his reply with increasing tension.."Oh lord," she realized at last, "don't tell me he overheard those idiots.."  
  
"Well? Aren't you at least going to greet me?" She demanded at last, tired of this stupid game. "The correct response when someone says hello to you, is to reply "I'm fine, and how are you?" So why don't you try that instead of staring at me like I've sprouted an extra head?" Inwardly, she was sighing to herself. She really was not in the mood to deal with another one of his jealous fits today. Not when she was already annoyed with him. If he started yelling at her, without getting his facts straight again, it might well be the last straw. It didn't matter how much she loved him, or how much he loved her. If the stupid boy couldn't trust her, couldn't think before he got all strung out and acted like an idiot, then she just couldn't take it anymore. If she hadn't been so pissed off by Tsukasa's continued hurt silence, she might have started to cry at the unfairness of it all.  
  
And indeed, her fears were about to come to pass.  
  
Tsukasa glared down at Tsukushi, thunder in his eyes. At last he spoke.  
  
"Do you love him?" His tone was a icy monotone, yet sharp like tempered steel as it cut the air between them.  
  
"Love who? You Idiot! What are you talking about?" Tsukushi threw up her hands exasperation. Sure, she knew who he meant. But if he wasn't even going to give her the benefit of the doubt, this time, he could bloody well damn himself!  
  
"Did you sleep with him?" Tsukasa didn't even flinch. He'd keep at it 'till he got a straight answer from the girl. Why did she always have to play these games with him? He loved her best of all-and yet... she constantly pushed him away - would not let him take care of her! It was an agony that could not be borne!  
  
He could see a conflict in her eyes. She was hiding something from him! How could she say she loved him one day, and still be so cold, so stubborn in standing apart from him? Why did she flinch when he asked her if she'd slept with slept with him? Tsukasa hadn't thought the ice in his heart could grow any colder, but he'd obviously been mistaken. It felt as though the creeping cold would crack his heart in two.  
  
Tsukushi sighed, "What do you think? Idiot! If you truly believed in me, you wouldn't be so insulting? How could you not trust me now? After all we've been through?" Her face flaming with fury, Tsukushi slapped Doumyouji. Hard. She was about to stalk off, when she paused and turned back, a final time.  
  
"I love you Tsukasa, but right now, I really can't stand you."  
  
Long after Tsukushi had vanished into the building, Tsukasa remained standing in the deserted courtyard, the sting of her words hurting more than the sting of his slapped face. And she hadn't even answered his questions. The ache in his heart whispered to him, that if she loved him, she'd have told him straight out-no, she didn't love Soujiro. No, she hadn't slept with him. The voice of logic in his brain tried to raise he point that he was acting like an ass again, and she'd every right to be upset. But it could not compete with the nearly overwhelming emotions that flooded his soul.  
  
Finally, Tsukasa roused from his reverie long enough to look for something to hit. Unfortunately, Soujiro was no where in sight, so he could not take his fury out on his treacherous friend. Instead, he had to satisfy himself with the cold grey concrete of the school gate. If that wall had been Soujiro's face at that moment, Soujiro's good looks would have been ruined forever. As it was, however, a good portion of the wall crumbled to dust, and Tsukasa's fist suffered two broken fingers and numerous lacerations. He didn't even notice the pain as he stalked off into the school garden to go think.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, Soujiro had at last been freed from his horde of admirers by the ringing of the bell. Sadly, he did not have time to enjoy this sudden reprieve, as just when he'd taken a deep breath and begun to relax, Akira showed up and with a, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, asshole?" dragged him off to a secluded corner of the school grounds.  
  
Shoving Soujiro roughly up against a nearby tree, Akira demanded harshly  
  
"Ok, talk to me! What is going on between you and Makino? And don't lie to me again! Sakurako and I saw you two last night! You took her to a hotel! What were you thinking? Are you trying to get killed by Tsukasa? She's not even your type!"  
  
"Whoa, whoa! Calm down already!" Soujiro spread his palms out placatingly. You're getting way too upset over nothing!"  
  
"Nothing? You say nothing? Did you even notice Tsukasa this morning? You should be grateful I got you out of there before he saw you."  
  
"What are you talking about? Man, you're not making any sense! I didn't touch Tsukushi, I swear! What the hell is wrong with you people! Why would I go for a drab common chick like her anyway?" Soujiro felt a twinge of guilt at bad-mouthing the girl whom he'd relied on last night; the girl who had helped ease his eternal pain. Well, more than a twinge of guilt-more like a kick to the head. But he wasn't going to show it. There was no way he'd ever admit to what really happened, how he'd lost all control and cried like a little kid on her shoulder. He shoved all these thoughts safely behind his mask of righteous indignation.  
  
Akira wasn't buying it though. "Come on, Soujiro. We've been friends for how many years? You're not telling me everything. Are you still working on the stupid bet we made last week? I thought we agreed that wasn't a good idea? And anyway, if you won, why won't you just admit it already? You've never been embarrassed about your conquests before!"  
  
"Look," Soujiro growled flatly, "I'm getting really sick of this suspicion. Do you really think I'd risk getting killed by Tsukasa over a girl? Especially a prudish virgin girl like Makino? You have to be out of your mind. I'll tell you what happened last night, if you really want to know. It's not like there's much to tell. I ran into her on her way home from work. She was annoyed at Tsukasa as usual, so I dragged her out drinking, then when the other chicks at the bar got jealous, we left. I mean, you know what those girls are like when they get riled up! And then I helped her with her calculus homework," Soujiro laughed suddenly,  
  
"Yeah, I know what you're thinking - why did we go to a hotel? - Well, you see.. I already had the key for the night. it seemed a shame to waste it."  
  
Akira finally had to laugh at his friend's expression of wounded innocence. Soujiro was such a simple guy, it was hard to doubt him for long. If he'd slept with Tsukushi, Akira would know. Soujiro wouldn't be able to hide it from him, not when they'd been friends for so long.  
  
"All right, all right! I believe you!" Akira finally backed away from his friend, "Though I don't understand why you'd choose to help her with her homework instead of picking up your usual quota of ladies. I mean, are you sure you're feeling ok?"  
  
It never even crossed Akira's mind that Soujiro might have actually been interested in Tsukushi as more than just another female conquest.  
  
Soujiro just laughed as he felt Akira's suspicions dispelling, "Hey, man! It's all your fault, you know! I was going to take this one hot babe.. But I was sure you were going to call me, and I didn't think I'd have time to satisfy her needs and meet up with you.. Hey why didn't you call me after all?? Did you finally get to score with what's-her-name? The secretary?"  
  
"NO!" Akira made a sour face, "Sakurako dragged me off to find Makino- that's how we saw you."  
  
"Oh dude, that sucks!" Soujiro laughed, "I don't think I could stomach another night with Sakurako. hey, wanna go drink now? There's supposed to be this great new bar where all the hot Eirin chicks go when they're skipping school-Let's go check it out!"  
  
"Bah! Too young!" Akira grimaced, but allowed Soujiro to entice him with this new distraction. It had to be better than wasting time at school anyway. And he was glad that Soujiro seemed to be his normal self. He really didn't know what he would have done if Soujiro hadn't been able to dispel his unfounded suspicions.  
  
---  
  
Rui had been doing his usual thing that morning. Actually, he'd awoken earlier than was normal for him-it must have been the sweet dreams of Tsukushi inspiring him. He headed to school at a leisurely pace, and upon his arrival, began to saunter through the gardens, in order to enjoy the last bright flashes of fall foliage before the leaves commenced their descent. He'd just settled down on a secluded bench to listen to the birds singing and to watch the occasional flurry of leaves drifting in the wind, when he faintly overheard Akira's voice. It was not usual for Akira to be yelling so angrily. Rui's ears perked up as he thought he caught Tsukushi's name. Stealthily, he followed the sound of Akira's voice until he was close enough to clearly eavesdrop on the conversation.  
  
Rui blinked several times in confusion at the conversation he heard. Tsukasa was angry? Akira thought Soujiro was hitting on Tsukushi? Seriously? Rui would not have thought Tsukushi would put up with such behavior. He never really thought she was comfortable enough around those two to let them get last close, last weekend's escapades notwithstanding. Still, the only really important thing was that from what little he'd heard- Tsukasa was going to be or had just been an ass to Tsukushi. She was going to be hurt. She would be needing him. And Tsukasa would most likely be needing a lesson from his fist.. if Rui's suspicions were correct.  
  
No longer walking at a leisurely pace, Rui headed off to the emergency stairs. Perhaps he'd misheard Akira and Soujiro. Perhaps Tsukushi wouldn't need him. But he didn't think so.  
  
Ah well, he'd find out soon enough..  
  
----  
  
Tsukushi made it through her first class, before she began to feel trapped and claustrophobic. She could feel the glares of Asai & co. drilling holes through her spine. The guy sitting behind her kicked her chair incessantly, and the teacher droned on and on about valences and electron energy shells. But all Tsukushi could think about was Doumyouji. Acting impulsively as usual, speaking before he thought. She was so furious. They weren't even dating right now. He had no right to accuse her of anything. And it hurt. It hurt when he doubted her, based on the whispered insults of a few vicious rich bitches. Unconsciously, Tsukushi's fist tightened on her pencil. Tighter, tighter. Knuckles tense and white, shaking from the tension, the fury building inside. Something had to give.  
  
The pencil obliged. Snapping sharply, the world seemed to slow as Tsukushi watched the last two inches or so of her pencil bounce of the desk and tumble to the floor. When she looked again at her hand, drops of blood were forming where sharp wood splinters had dug into her flesh.  
  
Yes, Tsukushi was well and truly Pissed off. Her back straightened as she stared unseeingly at the blackboard in front of her. Something would have to be done. She really couldn't deal with Tsukasa's idiotic jealousies anymore.  
  
As soon as the bell rang, Tsukushi hurried out to the emergency stairs. She needed to sit and think without any interruptions. She wanted to be by herself awhile. However, she'd forgotten Rui's uncanny ability to sense her moods.  
  
He was there waiting.  
  
"Yo." Rui looked from his slouch against the wall.  
  
"Hey." Tsukushi muttered. Damn it, she had wanted to be alone! Still, this was Rui's place as much as it was hers, and so she settled down onto her step with a sigh.  
  
Folding her arms across her knees, Tsukushi glared off into space, as if seeing replayed before her eyes now, every moment where Tsukasa had pissed her off in the past.  
  
Rui watched her surreptitiously from beneath his lowered eyes. She was looking mighty fierce, he had to admit. Still, it was often when she was angriest that she was also at her most vulnerable. Only the things that hurt her had the power to make her this angry. His heart ached with sympathy, and he wanted to reach out and pull her closer; to ease her pain within the circle of his arms. Wasn't he the one who'd always known what she needed? The one who'd more often than not been the one to save her from her own folly?  
  
Rui nodded to himself. Yes. He knew her better than anyone. Tsukasa wanted to possess this girl, to be the one to take care of her-but how could he, when he could never understand her so well-much less restrain his own fire enough to give her what she needed. Rui knew he should not think so harshly of his friend. But it was hard not to. When it was so obvious that, once again, he was the cause of Tsukushi's clenched fists, her strained, pale face..  
  
Rui could restrain himself no longer. Moving up to sit beside the immobile girl, he put his arms around her, and gently drew her in to lean against his shoulder-the shoulder that was always there for her to cry on.  
  
"Tsukushi," he murmured, soothingly, "Tell me about it."  
  
And she did.  
  
Well, part of it, at any rate. By the same unspoken pact that led Soujiro to conceal the whole truth from Akira, so Tsukushi skimped on certain critical details of last nights events, and how they'd led to her confrontation with Tsukasa this morning. As she related how Doumyouji had stared doubtingly at her, his eyes harsh and accusing, she broke into tears at last.  
  
"I hate him! Why does he do this to me?" Tsukushi pounded her fists harmlessly on Rui's shoulder."I love him."  
  
"Shh." Rui caught her flailing fists in his, and cradled them gently. That idiot Tsukasa had hurt her again. He'd been warned. and now Rui was really angry. He'd take care of Tsukasa later. Meanwhile, he had a Tsukushi to comfort.  
  
Pulling the small girl in closer, Rui stroked her hair, trying to sooth her jagged edges.  
  
Unfortunately for him, Tsukushi at her most vulnerable, her most dependent, often seemed to be Tsukushi at her sexiest-at least in Rui's mind. He liked it when she relied on him, when she needed him to take care of her. Sure, he also liked her defiantly vibrant everyday character too-but nothing was quite so appealing as being needed..  
  
Rui felt his heart beginning to speed up, it was truly amazing how Tsukushi could always manage to do this to him without even trying. Gently he stroked her cheek, until she raised her tear-streaked face to him. Seeing that she was beginning to get herself back under control, he seized the moment to bend down and kiss her.  
  
I mean, hey, why not? There was no better way to ensure that she'd stop crying. Not that that was the primary, or even secondary motivation for Rui's actions. It just felt good. He loved the feel of her lips beneath his, the way her warm hair slid beneath his hands, the soft feel of her body pressed against his chest..  
  
Sadly, Rui had, for once in his life, misjudged the moment.  
  
Tsukushi was in no mood to be tossed about from man to man, to be treated like an object or a toy-that one could play with as one desired. No! nor was she a prize that Rui could claim simply because She was annoyed with Tsukasa! What was with these men, anyway? No, now Tsukushi was not sad, she was Furious. She was not going to put up with this nonsense a day longer!  
  
Abruptly, she pushed Rui away.  
  
"Stop it! I can't do this! Don't you understand? This isn't a game!" Tsukushi pushed to her feet, and stood over the now greatly confused Rui, "Just leave me alone! why can't you all just leave me alone!?"  
  
Not waiting for a reply, Tsukushi fled down the steps, hardly noticing that she almost ran Sakurako down at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
To be continued. 


	8. another chapter

Fools8  
  
I'm bored with this plodding plot already. So if I don't finish this fic, or .wind for that matter, don't be surprised. It's just that I'll have given up in disgust, and gone and done one of the ten more productive things in my life that need doing. I'm only writing now 'cause I hate leaving things unfinished. Bloody fucking obsessive compulsive personality disorder  
  
"Hey Tsukushi! Wait for me!" Sakurako called out after the rapidly retreating girl. Failing to elicit a response, she hurried after her, leaving behind a chagrined Rui still seated at the top of the stairs.  
  
Tsukushi didn't pause in her headlong flight until the emergency stairs were well out of sight behind the screening trees and shrubbery of the school gardens.  
  
"I. Hate. Men!" she panted at last, turning to allow Sakurako to catch up to her.  
  
"Tsukushi, are you ok?" Sakurako asked in worried tone. "I heard what happened between you and Tsukasa. But really, what were you thinking hooking up with Soujiro-I mean, he's cute and all but, compared to Tsukasa. why waste your time?"  
  
"I. Did. Not. Fuck. Soujiro." Tsukushi enunciated each word very clearly, despite her tightly clenched teeth. "And I don't intend to. Nor do I intend to go that far with Tsukasa anytime soon. Or even Rui for that matter! So why don't you all just leave me alone? Why is everyone so concerned with my sex life anyway? Just because I'm not a perverted sex-fiend like the rest of the school seems to be!?" It felt good to let her pent-up rage and frustration erupt cleanly. And where, normally, the mere mention of anything perverted would immediately cause her crimson blush to erupt, now her explicit words merely served to reinforce her righteous anger.  
  
"Whoa! Calm down!" Sakurako hastened to retract her earlier assumptions, "If you don't want to, you don't want to. but, then why did you go to a hotel with him?"  
  
"Arrghhh!!!!" Tsukushi screamed in frustration. "Why does everyone know about that?" All I wanted was to get through a quiet day at school. But no. You people just can't leave me alone, can you? But then again, by now I should know better than to expect all you rich people to understand a common weed like me." " Tsukushi bit her final words off bitterly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Tsukushi." Sakurako began contritely, "You know we just want to help.."  
  
"How is any of this supposed to be helping?" Tsukushi sighed in frustration. But she never could stay angry long, "Look. All I want right now is to be left alone. No Doumyouji. No Rui. No gossipy classmates. No one. I'm going home. If you see Doumyouji, tell him to stay away. Same for Rui."  
  
Without waiting for a reply, she spun on her heel and stalked off. Her friends were a bunch of gossipy idiots. What had she done to be eternally trapped between them all?  
  
Again, Sakurako was left staring at Tsukushi's back. Something was definitely not right with that girl.  
  
---  
  
True to form, Doumyouji eventually calmed down. By the time Sakurako had run him to ground and delivered Tsukushi's message, he was feeling guilty for shouting at her so hastily. Why couldn't he just think before he spoke? He cursed his stupidity, and promptly set off to go try and find Tsukushi to apologize to her, again.  
  
"Hey wait!" Sakurako yelled after him, "Didn't you listen to a word I said? She wants you to stay away!"  
  
"If she doesn't want me," was his reply, "she'll have to tell me herself." Despite his massive blunder earlier, Tsukasa was sure that all it would take would be one kiss from him to bring Tsukushi 'round again.  
  
"Idiot," Sakurako muttered, shaking her head sadly, "He really fucked up this time. And charging back at her like that isn't going to help matters any."  
  
----  
  
Rui sat on the emergency stairs, deep in thought. If he wasn't so annoyed at himself for losing control again, he'd be laughing at the irony. He; the erstwhile autistic boy who never let any emotion show, now completely lost control at the sight on one girl's tears. It would be funny, if it weren't so sad. He wondered wistfully if Tsukushi would ever return his love for her? It didn't seem likely at the rate things were going. But he'd be damned if he'd let Tsukasa get away with his behavior towards her. Slowly Rui got to his feet. He'd promised Tsukasa a beating if he hurt Tsukushi again. Now it was time to go keep his promises.  
  
Determinedly, Rui set off in search of the most likely place to find Tsukasa-- on Tsukushi's doorstep.  
  
----  
  
Tsukushi had gone straight to bed upon her arrival back at her apartment. Sure, it was the middle of the day, but she was in no mood to face the world right now. She buried her head beneath the covers and vowed not to come out of her cocoon again until it was time to go to work. In the dark solitude of her room, Tsukushi felt her tears begin to flow once more. It simply was not fair that she had to fall in love with a jerk like Doumyouji. And more and more often, she felt her frustration with him reaching such a fever-pitch that it completely drowned out her love for him.  
  
This was not how it was supposed to be! True love was supposed to be eternal, unchanging! Tsukushi knew that what she had felt for Tsukasa was true love. It was not a pale imitation - not like the foolish crush she'd once had on Rui. But, it was fading. And if Tsukasa didn't mend his ways fast, Tsukushi didn't know how long she'd be able to retain her love for him.  
  
So she cried. Each tear sliding down her damp cheek reminded her of the droplets of love that were slowly but surely dripping from her cracked heart to evaporate in the cold autumnal air.  
  
Eventually, Tsukushi fell asleep, exhausted by her emotional outpouring.  
  
She woke with a start late in the afternoon  
  
"Shit! Did I miss work? What time is it?" Tsukushi felt a moment's panic, before she turned to the clock on the wall. "Whew!" she breathed a sigh of relief. She still had half an hour to get to the dango shop. Feeling much better after her unintentional nap, Tsukushi stretched and sat up. Maybe Yuki would have some good advice for her. But that would mean telling her what had brought this whole mess on. That meant mentioning Soujiro's name to her. And Yuki . Well, she still looked sad whenever she thought about him. Maybe it wouldn't be the best idea for Tsukushi to unload her troubles on her friend.  
  
Preoccupied with remembered concern for Yuki, Tsukushi stumbled downstairs into the waning afternoon sunlight.  
  
Tsukushi was momentarily stunned by the sight which met her eyes on the street outside.  
  
A battered and bruised Doumyouji was circling with an equally roughed up Rui. The two boys had obviously been fighting for some time. Knowing Rui's past threats to Tsukasa on her behalf, Tsukushi was pretty sure she knew why he was here. It was also pretty easy to guess what had led to Tsukasa's presence. Neither of which excused the fact that they were both acting like idiots, and creating a scene, on her doorstep no less!  
  
Tsukushi felt the growing heat of anger rising in up inside once more. Why were the two most important guys in her life such idiots? She took a deep breath, and let lose an ear shattering yell.  
  
"Stop it, both of you!!" That got their attention all right.  
  
Instantly, the two boys turned from their mutual hostilities to stare at Tsukushi. Their conflict was temporarily forgotten as her icy glare transfixed them.  
  
"Didn't you get my message? I said I didn't want to see either of you! Is that so hard to understand? So what are you doing outside my door? And fighting like spoiled little boys, at that! Do you realize how stupid you look?  
  
"I can't take any more of this. Leave me alone, the both of you." Tsukushi's voice fell to an almost inaudible whisper, "Please don't do this to me any more."  
  
Feeling a fresh wash of tears clouding her vision, Tsukushi stumbled off, leaving the two men to exchange chagrined glances.  
  
"This is all your fault." Rui spoke first. "Didn't I tell you not to hurt Tsukushi? Why don't you ever listen?"  
  
"Tsukushi. is. mine! This is a matter between the two of us. You stay out of it!" Tsukasa panted furiously. He absolutely could not stand it when Rui acted like Tsukushi was his; like he understood her, like he was the proper one to take care of her. Tsukasa would never admit that that responsibility might be better borne by someone other than himself. "This is all Soujiro's fault." Tsukasa startled himself by uttering these words aloud.  
  
"Eh?" Rui looked almost as startled as he felt. "How's that?"  
  
"I saw him hitting on her last weekend. Don't try to deny it! He did. I may have accused Tsukushi unjustly, but I know that traitor is up to something! I'll kill him!"  
  
"Are you sure?" Rui looked dubious. "Why would he do something that stupid?"  
  
"It's obvious, he wants to make a fool of me. But if I can't have her, then he can't either!"  
  
Rui was completely taken aback by this change in Tsukasa's mood. "Did I knock something loose in that thick skull of yours?" Tsukasa could be such an idiot. The Soujiro Rui knew was simply not capable of evincing the depth of emotion that a seduction of Tsukushi would require to succeed. Moreover, Soujiro had criticized Rui for his pursuit of Tsukushi when he knew that Tsukasa wanted her. He'd not violate his principles by going after her now.  
  
Rui's uncanny ability to understand his friends was failing him now. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. He wasn't even sure why he wasn't still fighting Tsukasa. Maybe it was just too hard to stay angry long at a man who was such a fool. Rui sighed. It had been a long day. He craved sleep. Sleep made sense.  
  
"Tsukasa," he began, "Try not to do anything too stupid, will you? Tsukushi wants to be alone for a while. So don't try and follow her. I'll be watching you. And. I think you're making a big mistake over this whole Soujiro obsession of yours. If you try and destroy the F4 over another stupid misunderstanding, I'll never forgive you." Without another word, Rui turned and strode off, deep in thought.  
  
Tsukasa was left standing alone in the empty street after Rui's departure.  
  
He had the feeling that he was missing something critical, that the world was spinning out of his control and there was nothing he could do about it. Tsukushi was falling away from him, and she wouldn't even let him save her, as she hurtled farther and farther away.  
  
At last, Tsukasa buried his head in his hands and began to cry. The occasional passerby sent nervous glances his way, but he did care. Nothing mattered without Tsukushi. Nothing at all.  
  
To be continued. 


	9. More Angst

I managed to write another chapter. Yay. This installment has been brought to you by my pissy angst-inspiring mood. enjoy.  
  
Soujiro sat and slammed back shot after shot, as if the alcohol could numb his feelings of guilt, as it numbed his judgement.  
  
Akira had long since taken off with the cute bartender who'd been serving them earlier. Soujiro didn't think they'd be back any time soon.  
  
So now here he was, getting steadily more depressed as the day wore on. News at Eitoku had always traveled fast. So, it was no real surprise that before Akira and Soujiro has managed to reach the school gates, Shigeru had run up to them, overflowing with news of Tsukasa and Tsukushi's fight. "Oh! Wasn't it Awful?" she'd said. "The man is such a fool!" Shigeru hadn't quite been sure what it was all about, but she'd heard three stories already. Tsukushi had slept with Rui or maybe it was Kayuza? She couldn't remember, but she knew it couldn't possibly be true! Not Tsukushi! Anyway, Doumyouji was in a terrible mood and they'd best avoid him. Shigeru, herself, was sure that Tsukushi must be off crying somewhere-she was going to go find her. Akira and Soujiro had merely exchanged looks as the hyperactive girl ran off again. It was hard to understand Shigeru when she was talking so fast, but they'd got the gist all right. It was definitely time to leave before Tsukasa found them. Thus, they'd soon found themselves ensconced at their favorite day-time hangout, being served by that gorgeous waitress with whom Akira'd eventually vanished.  
  
More than he feared for his own safety, however, Soujiro worried about Tsukushi. He felt a stab of guilt. Or maybe it was more like a savage horde of guilt-daggers, slashing at his insides. This was really all his fault. It didn't even matter that he hadn't actually done anything. He'd managed to hurt Tsukushi simply by associating with her. He hadn't wanted that at all. It had been selfish of him, he knew, to want to be near her-he, who'd only ever managed to hurt the girls he cared about. He'd done it again! He was not worthy of his friends. Soujiro sighed in despair. He was what he had made himself; what the world saw him as-a shallow, fickle playboy.  
  
It would be better if he truly confined himself to this shallow simulacrum of passion. He would refuse to feel, refuse to get close to anyone else again! He did not want to hurt another friend. So, if he had no true friends, then he could hurt no one!  
  
It would have been plain to an omniscient observer that the alcohol had made quite a good beginning in clouding Soujiro's judgement. His thoughts were steadily growing more maudlin, and his train of logic seemed to have derailed quite some time ago. But such is the nature of a good binge, that Soujiro himself had no idea how little sense his thoughts made right now. And he was only getting less sensible as the day wore on. Rather than numbing his pain, Soujiro's continued drinking merely served to reinforce what few grains of truth there were in his memories, and bring wave upon wave of guilt crashing down upon his head.  
  
Even now, Soujiro felt a strong urge to go to Tsukushi's and apologize to her for making her come with him last night. But he knew that would only make things worse. Somebody was bound to see, and misunderstand. It would only worsen the rift between Tsukushi and Tsukasa. No, Soujiro sighed again; it was best if Soujiro just locked himself in his public role. A new girl every night. No pain. Only pleasure. Only an immersion in the unthinking sensation..  
  
Soujiro scowled-If only he still enjoyed such superficialities.  
  
And what about Yuki? He knew the girl kept trying to find ways to see him, despite his repeated rejections. It was for her own good, damn it! Couldn't she see what kind of man he was? Someone nice girls should avoid. If he was going to avoid talking to Tsukushi, the one person he felt comfortable opening up to, then he most certainly had to be equally sure to avoid her friend, even though, or perhaps especially because he'd grown somewhat fond of the blond girl. Still, he reflected, it wouldn't be that hard to find a way to drive her off for good; he'd always felt somewhat uncomfortable around her anyway, what with her dreamily worshipful eyes, and puppy-dog- like eagerness to please.  
  
Soujiro slammed his fist down on the bartop. Commoners! Why was he so hung up on these commoner girls?! Was it because of their lack of sophistication, their inability to play society's games that caused him to want to protect them? Their failure to live by the same rules that governed his own class; it confused him; made him forget who and what he was. He'd been a fool not to see that before.  
  
"Why so glum?" A sultry voice interrupted his maudlin musings. Soujiro turned to look up at the speaker, an automatic smile forming on his lips.  
  
"Because I'd not yet met you. Hi. I'm Nishikado Soujiro." Here was a game he knew how to play. The warm glow in his eyes as he introduced himself to the beautiful creature in front of him failed to touch his soul. .I am just a thin veneer of a man, . Soujiro sighed inwardly, as he motioned for the girl to sit. . . .I am defined by my actions. . . . This girl knows exactly what she's getting. . . You can see it in her eyes. . . And she won't be disappointed either.  
  
"I know," the girl purred as she settled in close to him, "I've heard so much about you. I'm Haniko." She didn't bother to give her family name. "I'm very pleased to meet you. Can I buy you a drink?"  
  
"Only if you let me take care of the all rest." Soujiro smiled invitingly at her.  
  
And the game was on. Not that it was any kind of challenge. They were both worldly enough to know exactly what they wanted. It came as a shock to neither, when, some time later, they found themselves in an anonymous hotel bed, entwined in familiar positions.  
  
And still Soujiro felt numb inside.  
  
Even when the sex was good, it was bad. And if there was one thing Soujiro knew, it was that he was a lover par excellent. He'd never yet left any woman unsatisfied, so why was it that he felt so cold inside? He couldn't shake the gnawing ache at his heart, or the utter dissatisfaction that He felt.  
  
"But this is the way it has to be," he reminded himself, as his partner collapsed at last into an exhaustedly satiated sleep. "This girl beside me-- what's her name again?-- will never regret this moment. I've done her no harm, caused her no pain," which is more than he could say for her-his back ached from the gouges her sharp fingernails had carved in his flesh.  
  
"This is all I'm capable of, and all that I deserve."  
  
"And it's not that bad, really. . . . So, why can't I accept it? . Why does that face keep flitting across my vision? Why do I crave what I cannot have?"  
  
Soujiro craved an understanding touch, a soothing voice, a determined defender. All qualities he associated with Tsukushi. And her he could not have. She was sure to be angry with him, sure to blame him for her fight with Tsukasa. And who could blame her, really? If Soujiro wasn't such a playboy, then Tsukasa wouldn't have noticed a thing.  
  
It was ironic really, since Soujiro wasn't interested in Tsukushi as a sexual being, though he wasn't against the idea entirely. He was more interested in her as a confidante; something he'd never really had before.  
  
"And won't ever have now either!" he reminded himself, one again, to cease such idle thoughts.  
  
He would not seek to get close to her again. It was not right to cause her more trouble in the cause of his own selfishness. And deep down inside, he was afraid to admit to himself that if he did seek her out again, if he sought to draw her closer, he would unconsciously cross the line between friendship and something more. Given his emotional confusion and inability to reconcile the two concepts of confidante and lover, this would be a disaster.  
  
Soujiro lay still and stared at the featureless ceiling, as he tried to calm himself. "Just fucking deal with it already!" he mentally berated himself. He had a splitting headache.  
  
Soujiro turned to the sleeping girl next to him, and studied her pretty, yet somehow vapid features. Suddenly, he did not want to be there anymore when she woke up. He didn't think he could deal with the pettiness of their interaction; the superficial pleasantries that would follow on the dawn; the meaningless parting; or the rapid extinguishing of the momentary intimacy they'd shared as the new day proceeded on its hectic way.  
  
Smoothly, so as not to wake the girl (whose name he still couldn't recall), Soujiro slipped out of bed, dressed silently, and departed. Maybe she'd be angry to find him gone in the morning, but right now, he didn't really care. He just needed to get away from her, from himself, from the hollow lie that was his life.  
  
To be continued.  
  
Life is meant to be lived, Angst is meant to be savoured, Soujiro needs Prozac 


	10. what about yuki?

Ah, err. so yeah, the last ch was a bit too angsty; the result of a bad week. Luckily, punting all my responsibilities over the weekend gave me inspiration for a few more chapters for this... Yay. (now I just need to actually have to find time to write them, what with end of term careening closer and all) However, I have to apologize to yih + anyone else who wants me to work on 'shift..' because that's not going to happen anytime soon. One plot is confusing enough to try to keep track of at a time .  
  
Also, does anyone know-does Soujiro's younger brother have a name? How 'bout an age? Please let me know. I'm too lazy to to try and see if that's ever mentioned anywhere. Anyway, on with the story  
  
  
  
Tsukushi wearily trudged to work. Today had simply been awful. It had been hard enough to make herself concentrate at work yesterday after she'd stormed off from her encounter with Tsukasa and Rui, but at least then, she'd had anger to fuel her and keep her going. Now, she merely felt tired and drained. Moreover, she had, of course, had to survive another miserable day at school, being picked on by everyone. She hated having to listen to the spiteful whispers behind her back, having to dodge the thrown spitballs and papers. At least, she reflected grimly, the F4 had not shown up. It was a relief not to have to deal with them. Though, in her more honest moments, Tsukushi was willing to admit to herself that they might at least have helped to shut up the more voluble of her detractors by their mere presence. At any rate, she was now tired, frustrated, and depressed. It was not a good combination of feelings, and she just knew her boss would notice her lack of concentration and yell at her, again.  
  
Tsukushi sighed. And, she'd probably have to tell Yuki what was going on. Yuki had noticed Tsukushi's mood yesterday, and had tried to inquire what was wrong, but Tsukushi had brushed off her concern. Yuki was no fool though, and if Tsukushi persisted in moping around, Yuki would make her explain herself. Tsukushi just dreaded her friend's reaction to this comedy of misunderstandings. She knew that Yuki would want her to make up with her friends, and wouldn't see why she refused. Not to mention the fact that Tsukushi wasn't at all sure what her friend's reaction to Soujiro's involvement in all this would be. Tsukushi suspected the other girl was not yet over her infatuation with him at all, for she often caught her friend staring off into space with a wistful look on her face. Still, Tsukushi didn't think the two of them had talked in weeks... It might be ok to give him a passing mention.  
  
Meanwhile, she had work to do. Tsukushi arrived at the Dango shop, and hastily changed into her uniform. The girls from the morning shift were more than happy to see her and Yuki arrive, as there was still a long line of customers to serve.  
  
----  
  
Akira wandered down the street, lost in thought. He was worried about his friends. It felt like the F4 was tearing itself apart. And over what?? A girl! It felt so wrong somehow. The four of them had always been together; always had been a cohesive unit; always had stood together, strong against the world. It was their lot in life to get their way, to not let anything stand in the way of their friendship or their goals. And now this. One commoner girl had slowly caused cracks to form in the glue of their friendship. Akira had been forced to watch as his friends split further and further apart. For a while, he'd thought Tsukasa and Rui had settled their differences over Tsukushi. After all, it had been so obvious which one she preferred, and Rui had been man enough to accept her decision.  
  
But, as soon as she seemed to waver, as soon as Tsukasa made a mistake, Rui jumped back into the game. Akira shook his head. It seemed so unlike the quiet, reclusive boy to take so aggressive a role. But then, on second thought, Rui did have an intense and impulsive nature hidden behind that stony façade.  
  
Akira half-hoped that this time, Tsukushi would stand by her words, and not go back to either of them. That way, the two boys could move on, and get over their jealousy.  
  
Not that Akira had anything against Tsukushi; she was a perfectly nice girl- but no girl was really worth so much trouble!  
  
And what about Soujiro? Akira had no idea what was up with his friend. He hadn't seen him since yesterday, and to tell the truth, Soujiro hadn't looked good then. Akira felt a brief pang of guilt at leaving Soujiro at the bar yesterday, but the bartender Had been totally hot. He hoped Soujiro was ok. After all, there had been plenty of girls there to distract him. But, at any rate, something was wrong with the boy, Akira decided. Soujiro had been quieter recently, he didn't hang out as much, didn't smile or laugh like usual. It was not like him at all, and Akira could not find the cause of it all. Soujiro vehemently denied an interest in Tsukushi, despite the time they'd spent together.  
  
Hmm. An idea suddenly hit Akira. Perhaps it was Tsukushi's commoner friend, what was her name. Yuki? -- that Soujiro was depressed about? Was it possible that he'd taken a liking to the girl and she'd rejected him? If so, then it would make sense for him to be consulting with Tsukushi so deeply, After all, Soujiro never had been rejected before and he might take it hard, might have tried to recruit Tsukushi to help change her friend's mind? . Akira smiled. Maybe he'd go find this Yuki chick and see if that was it-perhaps he'd try to persuade her to give Soujiro a try. He thought he'd be more persuasive than Tsukushi when it came to advertising his friend.  
  
Akira had no way of knowing right now, how absolutely and utterly wrong his newfound assumption was. And so, with a light step, he went off to find the dango shop where Tsukushi and Yuki worked. He was confident that soon, at least, he'd be able to cheer his best friend up.  
  
-----  
  
At the dango shop, the crowd of customers had finally abated, leaving Tsukushi and Yuki temporarily alone at last.  
  
"Tsukushi, will you please just tell me what's wrong?" Yuki practically begged her friend, "You've been moping around since yesterday, so don't try to deny it. Did you and Doumyouji have another fight?"  
  
"You could say that," Tsukushi bowed to the inevitable.  
  
"Oh no! What happened?" Yuki's sympathetic eyes went wide.  
  
"Well. Umm. I told him I never wanted to see him again." Tsukushi replied slowly.  
  
"He must have done something really bad this time! I'm surprised that Hanazawa hasn't come by the shop to see you then." Yuki turned to look more closely at Tsukushi, who was now fidgeting uncomfortably, and looking anywhere but at Yuki.  
  
"Ahhh." Tsukushi blushed, "I told him to go away too."  
  
Yuki was really confused now. "But why? Don't tell me there's someone else?"  
  
"Because they're acting like idiots! Stupid like rams butting heads at each other!. And, umm. not exactly.." Tsukushi flared up, but just as abruptly trailed off as she began to answer the second part of Yuki's question. She needed to think of the best way to launch into her explanation of her escapades with Soujiro that had led to this most recent confrontation. And speaking of which, she hoped Soujiro was doing ok. She'd not seen him since yesterday morning either, and she felt bad for the lonely boy. Worse, she knew that the impulsive Doumyouji would still be blaming him, and who knew what that might lead to.  
  
"Not exactly?" Yuki repeated, the question plain in her voice.  
  
"Well, see," Tsukushi explained, "Tsukasa thinks there is. And I just can't take any more of his stupid unprovoked jealousy. It's like I can't even have friends without him getting all paranoid! I'm not his possession! He can't control who I talk to and when!" Once again, Tsukushi's frustration and anger rose to the surface.  
  
"But who is it he suspects? Is it Rui again?" Yuki persisted, dismayed by Tsukushi's abrupt mood swings.  
  
"Oh no," a sudden laugh came from the doorway of the shop. Both girls looked up in surprise to see Akira. How long had he been standing there listening to them?  
  
Akira laughed again at their guilty expressions at being caught discussing personal matters at work, "It was Soujiro."  
  
A silence fell.  
  
"Soujiro." Yuki whispered at last, her normally cheerful face turning pale. She hadn't seen the boy in weeks, though she thought of him frequently. He was her fantasy, a dream she knew she couldn't catch. She knew that he wouldn't ever feel for her the way she felt for him; their worlds were just too far apart, the rules they lived by simply too different. But that didn't stop her from remembering every line of his face; the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled; and the way her treated her with respect, though she was just a commoner. He never teased her or toyed with her like he did his girlfriends. Although she suspected in part that he was so nice to her simply because she was Tsukushi's friend. All this flashed through her head in the space of a few seconds. She'd tried to forget the boy; knew she had to, but that didn't help, when just the sound of his name could bring so much flooding to mind.  
  
Tsukushi noticed her friend's sudden loss of color, and jumped to fill the silence. "No thanks to you Mimasaka! Spreading rumors around like that! Why do you have to be such a gossip?"  
  
"Gossip? Me?" Akira retorted without thinking, "What do you expect? You're the one that slept with him."  
  
At this, Yuki's color went completely white. "Tsukushi?" she stared at her friend, "You slept with Nishikado?" She couldn't believe her best friend would do something like that. It wasn't like her at all. but Akira had never seemed to be the lying type, either.  
  
"Oops," Akira muttered guiltily, as Tsukushi shot him a murderous glare. He remembered her threat to disembowel him if he told about that night. But well, he reminded himself defensively, she Had slept with Soujiro... if maybe not in the sense that everyone thought.  
  
Tsukushi turned to Yuki. This was exactly what she had hoped to avoid having to explain. "Not like that." she began.  
  
"Not like what? You did sleep with him? Why? Tsukushi, how could you?" Yuki could contain her tears no longer, and fled to the back room to cry.  
  
"Asshole!" Tsukushi glared at Akira, before spinning on her heel and marching out after Yuki.  
  
"I'm an idiot." Akira sighed to himself as he glanced around the deserted shop. This was not what he'd come here to do. And, judging by Yuki's behavior just now, his theory regarding her was wrong. He was very confused. Maybe it would be a good idea to take the girls out to coffee or something and try to sort the whole thing out? After all, somebody had to start patching this network of friendships up, and soon! Akira took a seat and waited for the girls to reappear.  
  
In the back room, Tsukushi was having a hard time getting Yuki to listen to her. It was all she could do to keep the girl from breaking into tears again. Tsukushi hadn't thought Yuki was still So into Soujiro as all this. Or maybe, she'd just hoped that her friend would have moved on by now... She'd been so wrong.  
  
Unfortunately, while Tsukushi was trying to explain things to Yuki, their boss came out of her office to find the shop front unmanned, and Akira sitting, waiting impatiently for the girls' return. She hastily apologized to him and began shouting for her employees to stop slacking off! She wondered, not for the first time, how she'd managed to hire two such flakes?  
  
Realizing that he was responsible for the girls getting in trouble, Akira swiftly intervened.  
  
"Ah, ma'am," he ventured, "I was buying the entire stock. they just went to find boxes for them all. So how much do I owe?"  
  
The manager's transformation was instantaneous. Suddenly, her scowl was replaced by a beaming smile, as she rang up the huge purchase. "Hurry up an fetch those boxes girls," She shouted, "before our customer changes his mind!"  
  
"Huh?" Tsukushi had no idea what her boss was talking about. But, leaving Yuki to wipe her eyes and follow, Tsukushi quickly returned to the shop front, boxes in hand. Akira gave her an apologetic shrug as he counted out bills.  
  
"Since your shop's now empty," he suggested, "can the girls have the rest of the day off?"  
  
"I don't see why not." The shopkeeper was pleased. She recognized the boy as one of Tsukushi's friends. And, it was nice-ever since the girl had met these boys, they had developed an amazing habit of buying out their entire selection of confections. It was a wonderful boost to their profits. So no, she didn't mind at all if they took the rest of the day off.  
  
"Makino," Akira continued, "Would you and your friend please join me for a cup of coffee? I'd like to apologize for upsetting her."  
  
Tsukushi looked at him suspiciously. "What are you up to?"  
  
"Nothing! I'm just so bored. Come on! The rest of the F4 is being lame. You two will help make my day much more interesting!"  
  
Tsukushi sighed in resignation. Knowing the persistence of the other F4 members, she suspected that Akira would get his way eventually. It would be easiest to just give in now. "I still have to explain to Yuki.." she muttered," Then I'll see if she's up for it."  
  
"Oh come on!" Akira urged, "Let's get out of here first. You can talk to her along the way." He really just wanted to hear Tsukushi's version of events too.  
  
And, with these words, he impulsively went and collected a still-tearful Yuki from the back of the shop. Tsukushi just shook her head. And to think that she'd thought Akira was more sane than the rest of the F4. Still, she had to smile at his talent for getting his way. And as they left the shop, Yuki began to brighten up, as Akira teased and flirted with her in his gentle, sunny way.  
  
When the three of them had reached a coffee shop and settled in with their lattes and mocha-javas and whatnot, Tsukushi once more launched into her tale of the misunderstandings and accidents that had led to her first ending up in bed with Soujiro, and then to her most recent fight with Tsukasa and Rui.  
  
When it was done, Yuki couldn't help but smile. Yeah, that sounded like the story of Tsukushi's life, all right. Nothing was ever simple around her, or her friends. But at least they made life interesting. It still hurt to think of her best friend being privileged to spend so much time so close to the man of her dreams, but she couldn't really blame Tsukushi. It wasn't her fault that she was friends with the F4.  
  
Eager to keep the mood more cheerful, Akira launched into a funny anecdote involving the mishaps of the F4 when they were just little boys. Soon both Yuki and Tsukushi were dissolving in tears of laughter themselves. And then, it was not long before Yuki began, "That reminds me of this one time, when Tsukushi and I were little, and Kazuya." All in all, it was turning into a pleasant evening despite its less than encouraging beginnings. Even Tsukushi showed signs of throwing off her depression, for a little while at least.  
  
However, Akira still had not learned what he'd originally come to find out; that is, what, if anything, was up between Yuki and Soujiro. Obviously, he'd figured out that his initial theory was dead wrong and the girl definitely had feelings for him. So perhaps Soujiro had rejected her? That wasn't much like him either. Yuki was cute, Akira decided, and she seemed smarter than many of the usual girls he and Soujiro played with. She seemed to have a sweet personality too. Akira shrugged, he didn't get it at all. But then again, Soujiro often did seem to prefer ditzes. Akira considered himself to have better taste. There was nothing wrong with a woman with a brain; in fact, a bit more maturity was quite sexy..  
  
When Yuki got up briefly to visit the WC, Akira gave in to his curiosity. Leaning in close to Tsukushi, he asked, "So just what did happen between your friend and Soujiro, anyway?" Tsukushi shot him a startled glance. To her eyes, Akira seemed to be more than just casually interested in Yuki.  
  
"Nothing as far as I know," She replied after a moment's thought. Then, since there was no point in lying to him, "She's had a crush on him since they first met. I don't think he feels the same. I used to think they were at least friends, but these days, I'm not so sure." Tsukushi trailed off, unsure of how much she should say, without compromising her friends' privacy.  
  
Akira simply nodded. "Seems a shame. She have a boyfriend?"  
  
"Akira!" Tsukushi yelped, "Don't you mess with Yuki! She doesn't need to have her heart broken again! And she's too young for you!"  
  
"You wound me, Tsukushi. Would I do a thing like that?"  
  
"That's what he said too." Tsukushi muttered darkly, "but people can't control their hearts." Even she didn't know if she was referring to Yuki or to her own experiences.  
  
"Relax," Akira grinned, "She's too young for me, you're right. Besides, I've got a girl these days, anyway." Or at least he would, if the damned woman could sneak away from her husband more often.. and of course there was that bartender too.  
  
Tsukushi still looked skeptical. She didn't trust this playboy at all around women, especially her friends. But before she could say anything more, Yuki returned. Tsukushi smiled up at her, "I have to go to work now! Got tables to wait! You going to be ok?"  
  
"Yeah," Yuki smiled back, "you?"  
  
"Yeah." They said their goodbyes at last, and Tsukushi slipped away, leaving Yuki to finish her coffee with Akira. I hope Yuki isn't too upset about the whole Soujiro thing, Tsukushi worried - the girl seemed fine, but she often tried to hide it when she was hurt, especially when her pain was due to thoughts of Soujiro. But, Tsukushi knew Akira would be good for Yuki's mood. He was a natural at soothing people. Even if he couldn't be trusted not to hit on anything female.  
  
And it was true. Back at the café, Akira and Yuki were hitting it off just fine. They'd met before several times, at parties the F4 had dragged Tsukushi to (and she in turn, had brought Yuki for moral support). But they'd never had much reason to talk before. Now, the time passed quickly enough and too soon Yuki excused herself to go home before her parents started to wonder why she was so late.  
  
Akira smiled as she left. Tsukushi's friend certainly helped ease the boredom of the day. Truly, he'd hardly missed the company of the rest of the F4 while sitting here. Nevertheless, it was time to head out. For he'd a date to meet. hopefully, this time, Anna would show up. But, he reflected, if she did stand him up again, he still did have the number of that hot little bartender girl.He grinned wickedly; she'd even promised to teach him to mix the hottest new cocktails in town. Whistling jauntily, Akira went out into the night..  
  
To be continued. 


	11. a few days later

And so, another weekend came and went.  
  
All too soon, it was Monday again. Another weary week had begun. Things were starting to settle down again at school. Since the F4 had pretty much stopped showing up entirely, people saw less reason to gossip, less reason to so blatantly torment Tsukushi. As for Tsukushi, herself, she was grateful to be able to get through another day with a minimum of discomfort. She was even getting used to not seeing the F4 every day, though she did feel brief pangs of loneliness now and then. Tsukushi did miss them, especially Tsukasa. (However, she did not miss his lightening temper at all.) Still, she didn't miss them quite as much as she thought she would, or as much as she had the other times she and Tsukasa had fought. Her busy schedule probably helped, Tsukushi thought; school, the dango shop, her waitressing job-It was enough to drive all thoughts of men and their emotional baggage clean out of her mind. Tsukushi even managed a smile that day, as she headed out to work. Today she had a double shift at the burger joint, so poor Yuki would be manning the dango shop by herself.  
  
----  
  
Akira woke Monday with a bad hangover. Too much partying with that hot bartender! Man, that girl could drink him under the table! He doubted he could even remember the names of half the drinks she'd taught him to make- and which he'd subsequently imbibed... He rubbed his aching head.  
  
"Owww!" And that wasn't the only thing she'd worn out either. Groaning, Akira rolled over and went back to sleep. There was no way he was going to get up until well after noon.  
  
-----  
  
Soujiro sat alone at home, staring into his garden. He desperately tried to use his training in the art of tea to maintain an inner peace and equilibrium. But, he kept failing. He'd spent the weekend in an aimless pursuit of oblivion; wandering from bar to bar in an alcoholic daze. It hadn't helped, and eventually he'd given up and come home to sit in the emptiness of his room, to listen to the sad sounds of his home: the lonely whispers of the pines in the garden, his young brother's soft snores in the night, his mother's endless sighs, and the quiet footsteps of his father sneaking out in the night.  
  
At last, Soujiro arose. This wasn't helping. Leaving the house, he allowed his feet to wander the street at random, in search of what, he did not know.  
  
-----  
  
Akira tumbled out of bed sometime around three. It was far too late to go to school, and he doubted that he'd find his friends there anyway. There was still a good chunk of the day to waste, and he didn't yet have plans for the evening. Briefly, he thought about calling Soujiro, but the other boy seemed to have left his cell off again-or at least, he was not answering it. Akira sighed. He'd never seen his friend act so anti-social before; and it wasn't just weird, it was downright frightening. Thoughts of Soujiro led almost naturally to a recollection of the two commoner girls. Akira smiled; now those two could help alleviate his boredom. Purposefully now, Akira set off to the dango shop, intending to harass Tsukushi and Yuki into providing him with entertainment.  
  
Alas, upon his arrival, he was disappointed to see only one girl behind the counter-Tsukushi's friend Yuki.  
  
"Hey," he greeted, as the door clicked shut behind him, "how's it going?"  
  
"Good afternoon, Mimasaka." Yuki replied, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "Have you come to buy out the shop again?"  
  
"Alas, no." Akira sighed dramatically, "My mother would never forgive me if I brought home that many sweets again so soon."  
  
Yuki stifled a giggle, "Just what did you do with all those things anyway?"  
  
"Fed 'em to my sisters and mother. They all go crazy over sweets." He shrugged, "You'd think that they were all five years old or something. And afterwards they sat around saying how much their stomachs hurt." He shook his head ruefully, "And now they're blaming me!"  
  
Akira put on his best 'wounded innocent' face, "Is that fair, I ask you? They're the ones who stuffed themselves.."  
  
"Well," Yuki smiled, "you did buy an awful lot. So what brings you here today?"  
  
"Ah, I was bored." Akira leaned in to the counter, and whispered conspiratorially, "I was going to try and see if you and Tsukushi could sneak out for a late lunch or something. If we're stealthy, your boss will never notice you're missing."  
  
"Oh." Yuki laughed and replied primly, "Tsukushi isn't here today. And I've got to work until five. You'll just have to find somebody else to play hooky with."  
  
"But I had my heart set on the dango-shop girls!" Akira persisted.  
  
"Hmph." Yuki retorted, "I'm sure you're heart will recover quickly once you've left the shop. If you'll excuse me, I have a customer waiting." As she moved to intercept the customer, Yuki couldn't help but wonder if Akira had been flirting with her-and if so, then why? Yuki refused to let another playboy find a place in her heart.  
  
And so, after her rather brusque dismissal, she was surprised to find that Akira was still patiently waiting for her when she was done with her customer.  
  
"I thought you would have left by now," she murmured as she busied herself rearranging confections behind the glass counter.  
  
"But why?" Akira responded gallantly, "when one so lovely as you stands before me!"  
  
"Don't tease me, Mimasaka." Yuki frowned, "Please." She was far more wary now of flirtatious men than she used to be.  
  
Akira shrugged eloquently, "Fine then. Are you sure you wouldn't care for a cup of coffee, at least? I'll be back to pick you up at five! See ya!"  
  
"Eh? What was that all about?" Yuki wondered, as Akira turned and left. Shaking her head, she went back to the job at hand, "Strange man."  
  
Akira himself, wondered what had come over him just then. He shouldn't flirt with Tsukushi's friend. She'd be angry with him if she found out. But, the girl was cute. And there was something appealing about her youthful innocence that was lacking in his current women. Akira reassured himself that there was nothing wrong in taking a girl out for lunch or dinner. It's not like he was the predatory flirt Soujiro was. There could be no harm in passing the time this way - The girl had seemed to be a good conversationalist, and nowhere near as prickly as Tsukushi, at that.  
  
Five PM came and Yuki was just dealing with the last few customers and cleaning up the shop when Akira returned. She had idly wondered if he had indeed meant to return. She hadn't thought he would. So, she was surprised - pleasantly or unpleasantly, she didn't yet know-when she looked up to see him sauntering in the door with his reddish hair glinting in the last rays of the setting sun. "So," he spoke first, "ready for that cup of coffee now?"  
  
Yuki sighed, If the boy as going to be this persistent, "Why not? Let me get my coat." At least he was easy on the eyes.  
  
Together they walked out into the street.  
  
-----  
  
Several hours later (as well as several cups of tea and dinner later), Yuki was startled to find herself comparing Akira to Soujiro, and not unfavorably at that.  
  
Akira was undeniably attractive, if in a different way than Soujiro. With his reddish hair and sparking blue eyes, his general air of contentment, he reminded her of a big teddy bear. His self-deprecating manner and sense of humor immediately set one at ease, and he seemed to lack that cool air of calculation that Soujiro often laid across his face. So too, Akira seemed softer, gentler, without the hidden angles and sharp edges that lurked beneath Soujiro's handsome features.  
  
Yuki kicked herself sharply. She could not let herself forget that this boy came from the same world as Soujiro. And while Soujiro had refused to toy with her; had in fact, tried to keep her from falling in love with him, this boy had no reason not to play with her heart. He'd probably think it amusing to seduce a commoner girl. She must not let herself be taken in by his pretty looks and charming ways.  
  
Abruptly, Yuki pulled herself together. Making a show of looking at her watch, she exclaimed. "Ah! Look at the time! I've got to go home and study."  
  
"Do you have to leave so soon?" Akira pouted regretfully. He'd been having fun. The girl was sweet and cute in her innocent way. She'd laughed at his stories and told a few of her own, and the time had passed quickly. What she lacked for in worldly sophistication, she made up for in her emotional maturity and wisdom.  
  
Briefly, Akira pondered once more the wisdom of pursuing this girl. She'd make a nice addition to his collection. but then, Tsukushi would kill him when she found out. Still, he wasn't like Soujiro-he didn't bed 'em and leave 'em in a day. Surely even Tsukushi couldn't fault him if he dated her friend. He knew he could show her a good time. And when he'd grown bored, he'd let her down easy-She'd never regret a thing. Akira surely knew the value in not breaking a woman's heart. There was no need to have angry women snapping at you-not when you could end things gently and kindly.  
  
Hmmm. He would have to think more on this, especially as it didn't seem likely that things with Anna would work out (damn that husband!) and his bartender chick was just a little too.... intense.. for his taste.  
  
Ah well. For now, Akira would simply bid Yuki good night. Helping her with her coat, he escorted her home before heading to his own house for a brief stop before he went out clubbing again.  
  
Who knew what other lovelies he might find out there tonight?  
  
---  
  
Soujiro had spent the afternoon wandering through the city's parks. The chilly autumnal mists suited his mood, as did the grey trees, stripped of the last of their leaves, and the dark foreboding pines rustling mournfully in the wind.  
  
As dusk fell, he began to feel hunger tugging at his belly. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten a real meal-it seemed that all he could recall was his weekend-long alcoholic binge. Perhaps he should find food.  
  
Soujiro paced the darkening streets. Now that he'd noticed his hunger at last, none of the cafés and restaurants appealed to him. Looking in the windows of one noodle joint, he was surprised to see Akira eating with a girl. Akira didn't usually frequent this kind of place.  
  
Looking closer, Soujiro was jolted even more to recognize Yuki's smiling face. Well then, that at least explained what Akira was doing in a place like this-though, for the life of him, Soujiro couldn't figure just what Akira would be doing eating with Yuki in the first place.  
  
Soujiro watched for a while, as he shivered in the cold night air. The two seemed to be getting along well; Yuki was smiling and laughing, and she didn't seem to be exhibiting the discomfort she so often showed around him. Well, Soujiro reflected; he had told her that she deserved a better man than himself. He hadn't meant that she should go for Akira though. Not that Akira was a bad guy, oh no . His friend was one of the nicest guys he knew - it was just that..  
  
Soujiro paused in his train of thought. Just what was it that he objected to, anyway? Did he actually have feelings for Yuki? Or did he really just not want to see such a sweetly sincere girl get hurt?  
  
Hmm. On second thought, perhaps Akira would be good for the girl. He certainly couldn't be a worse choice than Soujiro himself. Soujiro managed a weak, ironic smile as he turned back into the night. He was glad that at least some of his friends were managing to be happy-or at least reasonably content - these days.  
  
Nevertheless, Soujiro felt a stab of jealousy. "If only I could be so happy." But he quashed this feeling down, as he reminded himself sternly, "You rejected Yuki. You hurt her then, even if only to avoid hurting her more-and to avoid the old pains she awoke in you. Be glad that she's moved on."  
  
Lost in thought, Soujiro hardly noticed as his feet led him at last into a dim and seedy burger joint. The smell of the greasy food set his abused stomach to growling, and, giving into its urgings, he took a seat in a far corner away from the light and the noise of the other diners.  
  
-----  
  
Tsukushi was tired. She hated double shifts here. She always ended up smelling like burnt grease at the end of the night. And her feet hurt. Ah well, at least the money was decent, and there were only a few more hours left until she could go home and sleep. Tiredly, she allowed her brain to shut off, as she went about her familiar tasks on auto-pilot. "May I take your order, sir? Would you like a drink with that?" She paced from table to table with a fixed smile pasted on her face, and a tray balanced on her palm. She'd be glad when the diner rush was over.  
  
"May I take your order?" Tsukushi blinked and did a double take, "Oh! Hi Soujiro! What are you doing here?"  
  
Soujiro had been toying with his menu and hadn't even noticed Tsukushi's approach. Gah! The last thing he'd wanted, short of a run in with Tsukasa, was an encounter with Tsukushi.. So why, an errant sector of his subconscious asked, had his feet directed him here? The normally voluble boy was silenced by his dismay.  
  
Tsukushi noticed his dark, dull eyes, the haggard look in his face-The boy did Not look well. Tsukushi was worried. Sure, Soujiro had been a bit intense last week, but nothing like this.  
  
"Is everything OK?" She asked when he still didn't answer. "Soujiro, what's wrong?" She reached out to lay a concerned hand on his shoulder. But, still without a word, he shrugged it off, and hunched deeper into himself. What was he thinking coming here? He mentally cursed himself. Damn the woman! Didn't she know better than to bother him?  
  
"Soujiro." Tsukushi tried again.  
  
"Leave me alone!" Soujiro muttered. Damn it! Tsukushi was supposed to be angry with him. Anything but this! He didn't think he could stand the pity shining in her eyes. Brusquely, he stood and brushed past her. He couldn't stay and eat here now. He found he'd lost his appetite entirely.  
  
Tsukushi started after him, but a brisk, "Makino!" from her boss reminded her that she still had customers to serve. Thus, with a last worried look at Soujiro's retreating back, she went back to her duties.  
  
The rest of the evening seemed to pass in a blur.  
  
Never one to think too hard before jumping into a decision, Tsukushi made up her mind to hunt down Soujiro when she got off work, no matter what the time or where he might be. He was her friend, and you couldn't just let your friends fall to pieces like that without at last trying to find out what was wrong, and trying to help them. At least, not if you were a decent person. And certainly not if you were Makino Tsukushi.  
  
In her concern for the boy, Tsukushi almost completely forgot her own problems. And her shift just flew by in a haze of burger grease and soda spills.  
  
It was almost midnight when the last diner left. Tsukushi wearily changed out of her uniform, and stumbled out onto the street. The need for rest loomed over her head, but she cast it off as she caught the train to Soujiro's neighborhood. Some things were just more important than sleep.  
  
To be continued. 


	12. a conversation in the dark

bah, I meant to get this posted last night. But I got trapped on the phone for two hours. And my studying is soo far behind.. *whine * On the plus side, I've got angry music playing at high volume less than half a meter from my ear. if that isn't inspiring of faster typing, I don't know what is.  
  
Soujiro had returned home earlier, still having failed to eat. His stomach was screaming at him, but he didn't care. Absently, he stared out at the dying garden, and watched the half moon pass slowly overhead.  
  
Time crept by as the household fell asleep.  
  
Soujiro tried to sleep as well, but oblivion refused to come. He tossed, and turned, and finally gave up. Eventually, he got up and went back to watching shadows move in the darkened courtyard. His father hadn't bothered to come home at all tonight. Soujiro wondered if the man even cared about his family at all. Did he know what kind of men his sons were growing up to be? Did he care? Soujiro's fists clenched in the dark. It was too late for him, too late by far-he felt that he was already twisted and warped beyond repair. But what about his younger brother? The boy was still young and innocent enough, Soujiro hoped, to have some possibility of mending; if only he wasn't allowed to take the same route Soujiro had-or that of their elder brother for that matter. Hopefully, it was not already too late.  
  
"Why are we all so broken?" he wondered, "We who seem to have everything, in truth lack all the most important things."  
  
Nevertheless, Soujiro was not capable of imagining himself to be anything other than he was-an unhappy, bitterly lonely, shell of a man.  
  
It was with great surprise that he was jolted out of his despair by the ringing of the doorbell. Who the hell was crazy enough to be coming around at this hour of the night?  
  
Grimacing, Soujiro stood up and stalked out to the entryway. He'd best get the door before whomever it as woke everyone up with their incessant ringing.  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Soujiro muttered irritably, as he reached for the doorknob.  
  
Opening the door, he was about to launch into an angry growl, "Go away! Can't you tell time?" when he realized who it was that stood before him.  
  
He stopped in mid-sentence and stared, openmouthed..  
  
"Tsukushi, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to see how you were doing." she replied simply.  
  
Soujiro was electrified into action. Angrily, he shouted. "Go away! I don't need your pity! Just leave me alone!" Swiftly, he made as though to slam the door in her face. It was for her own good after all. Didn't she know better than to hang around him by now?  
  
Tsukushi was faster than he was. She jammed her foot in the door mere milliseconds before it slammed shut. "Ow!" she yelped as her foot got squashed.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? Idiot!" If he was going to behave like this, she saw no reason not to yell. "You don't come to school! You look terrible! Did you think people wouldn't notice? I thought we were friends, and if you think I'm going to let one of my friends suffer by himself, then you're a bigger idiot than even Tsukasa!"  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Soujiro shot back, "You're supposed to be angry with me. I don't want your pity!"  
  
"Give it up, Soujiro. I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're so upset. Even if I have to stand here with my foot in the door all night." No one could out-stubborn Tsukushi when she was determined to do something. "Besides," she continued in a more reasonable tone of voice, "Why would I be angry with you? Have you done something I don't know about? I'm your friend. I care about you. can't you see that?" By now she was almost pleading; she hated to see anyone suffering.. (Though a bit guiltily, she wondered in the back of her mind, how Rui and Tsukasa were doing right now.)  
  
Soujiro sighed and began to loosen his grip on the door.  
  
"I'm the reason Tsukasa fought with you, remember? If it weren't for me, then everything would be fine between you two."  
  
"What the hell are you babbling about? How can you be responsible for Tsukasa's behavior? Is it your fault the man's a jealous idiot? You give yourself too much credit!" Tsukushi laughed bitterly.  
  
"But."  
  
"But what?" Tsukushi continued, "That can't possibly be what's really bothering you. Are you going to let me in or not?" She gave the door another push, "My foot is Really starting to hurt.."  
  
Soujiro looked down. Damn. He'd almost forgotten about that.  
  
"You're not going to listen to reason are you?" he muttered  
  
"Reason? You saying that you're reasonable?" Tsukushi mocked, "Just look at the state you're in!"  
  
"Fine. I give up. You'd best come in before you wake up the whole house." Soujiro conceded at last, and slowly opened the door again.  
  
Tsukushi gratefully stepped into the warm foyer. Critically, she looked Soujiro up and down. Yup. She'd been right. The boy simply looked awful.  
  
"What?" Soujiro growled, unnerved by her appraisal.  
  
"Did you eat today?" Tsukushi demanded.  
  
"Ahh.. no."  
  
"Idiot. You need food. Where's the kitchen?" Tsukushi imperiously took control of the situation, leaving an off-balance Soujiro to numbly obey her commands.  
  
Turning, he led her through the maze of passages to a large, well appointed kitchen.  
  
Tsukushi promptly made a beeline for the refrigerator and began to dig through its shelves, looking for something to feed the pale boy behind her.  
  
"Don't you people have any left-overs?" she exclaimed in exasperation.  
  
"Eh, I don't think they're saved," Soujiro shrugged. Why bother, when the servants could just whip up something new every night.  
  
"Bloody rich people." Tsukushi muttered. She guessed she'd just have to cook, herself. Rolling up her sleeves, the small girl became a bundle of energy, ricocheting from counter to stove to cabinet and back again. In no time at all, she'd whipped up a very simple meal of miso soup and sticky rice with pickles. Soujiro simply watched, fascinated by her movements and her blithe unconcern for anything other than the task she'd set herself to.  
  
"Eat." she ordered, setting the dishes on a table in front of Soujiro  
  
Sighing, Tsukushi sank into a chair across from him and watched, hawk-like, as he reluctantly dug in. She had thought she was tired before. Now she was truly exhausted. She could hardly believe it was only Monday.  
  
Silently, Tsukushi waited until Soujiro was done. After one bite, his stomach had reminded him just how hungry he was, and he'd eaten with a will, surprising even himself with the alacrity at which he consumed the humble fare.  
  
"Good." Tsukushi exclaimed, feeling somewhat like a mother hen clucking over an errant chick. "Now are you ready to talk about it?"  
  
"No." Soujiro mumbled, looking away again. Damnit, what right did the girl have to waltz in here like she belonged in this house? What right did she have to insinuate herself into his life-to meddle in his affairs? His subconscious mocked him all the same-You let her in, when you dared ask her about love, when you fell apart on her shoulder. What were you thinking? You utter fool. He had to shake this feeling. Had to get rid of her. "Come with me." Soujiro ordered, rising from his seat.  
  
Turning his back, Soujiro retreated to his room. Tsukushi followed, trying as best she might, to keep up with his rapid pace. She wondered just what was going on.  
  
Crossing the threshold of his room, Soujiro spun around abruptly, and grabbed Tsukushi by both shoulders, as if to shake her.  
  
"Why did you come here?!" he demanded, "Why do you interfere where you're not wanted? What is it that you want from me? Is it this?" He savagely pulled Tsukushi closer and made as if to kiss her.  
  
"No!" with more strength than he'd thought she'd possessed, Tsukushi flung him off. Soujiro stumbled back, and sat down on his bed, temporarily stunned into silence.  
  
"If you're trying to scare me off, it won't work." Tsukushi said darkly, "Look at you; you need help. If you don't want to talk about it, then fine. But don't try to intimidate me." She'd coped with Tsukasa's moods before; she could handle Soujiro just fine.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, right now." Soujiro turned his back on Tsukushi, and in a deliberate attempt to ignore her piercing, soulful gaze, he curled up into a fetal ball, with his face turned towards the wall. Was he supposed to tell her that it was for her own good that he pushed her away? That he'd only cause her more pain? Selfishly, another faction warred within his head, reminding him how gentle her hands were, how comforting her presence, how soothing it was to lose oneself in her shimmering brown eyes. He wanted her to stay. He wanted her to go.  
  
Tsukushi stood helplessly by the door. Soujiro looked lost in his own world. Locked into his internal battles-with what demons she did not know. Her heart went out to him, despite his harsh words and indifferent attitude. Hesitantly, she went over to him, knelt down next to his bed, and laid a tentative hand on his shoulder.  
  
Soujiro tried again, "Why are you here? You know it'll just make Tsukasa mad if he finds you came here at this hour of night. Do you want to hurt him?"  
  
Tsukushi sighed in exasperation. "Will you please shut up about Doumyouji!? He's got nothing to do with this! You keep saying that it's your fault he and I are fighting. But, you don't understand anything at all, do you? It has nothing to do with you. Nothing!"  
  
Even Soujiro was surprised by the vehemence in her voice. And by the way her hand, still resting on his shoulder, unconsciously formed a fist.  
  
Obeying an instinct he hadn't known he had, Soujiro rolled back over and gripped Tsukushi's hand in both of his. "Tell me about it." he said.  
  
And, surprisingly, she did. Tsukushi had needed to ask for advice about Tsukasa for a long time, but her only real confidants were Yuki and Rui. Yuki had never really understood why Tsukushi and Tsukasa had such problems; after all - they were in love, right? So things should simply work themselves out. Tsukushi had long since stopped telling her about her growing frustrations. And Rui? Hah. She could hardly have told Tsukasa's chief rival her troubles.  
  
"First off, you have to understand," she began, glancing down at the floor, "Tsukasa and I have been having problems for quite a while." Not just the obvious spats, that everyone had seen; or the feud with his mother; or the seemingly endless string of random men falling for Tsukushi, and girls hounding Tsukasa; but deeper issues, between just the two of them.  
  
"He used to believe in me." Tsukushi sighed, "He used to believe I was capable of anything-you know, like when he made me compete in the Miss Teen of Japan contest. but at the same time, he wanted to protect me, to take care of me." Of course, Tsukushi had never wanted to be taken care of, as Soujiro well knew. She was and had always been the kind of girl who wanted to do everything her own way, even if it killed her. She was not above accepting help when she absolutely needed it, but being forced to take it when she didn't was unacceptable.  
  
"He was trying to destroy my independence. I don't think he knew that's what he was doing. Nevertheless, he kept trying to force me to rely on him." If it had only been that, it might have been ok, but, "I think gradually, he began to believe that I couldn't function without him." Tsukushi looked up at Soujiro then bowed her head again  
  
"Do you know how much that hurt? To know that he didn't trust me to make it on my own anymore? How could I believe in an 'us' when he didn't believe in me?"  
  
Tsukushi gripped Soujiro's hand, as if it was her lifeline.  
  
"I think that last fight was the final straw. I can hardly believe it was not even two weeks ago.  
  
"Sex!" Tsukushi laughed bitterly, "Why are you men so obsessed about it? It was like he suddenly decided that if I didn't give him what he wanted, I didn't love him anymore? How stupid can you get? Ok, I thought maybe I could forgive him, maybe things could go back to the way they were if I just put some distance between us again. If I showed him that I really could still make it on my own. I was so wrong. You saw, last week, it just made him jealous. Suspicious of everyone, as if I would pick up someone else, just because he wasn't there to claim me at every moment.  
  
"I am not a possession! I do not belong to anyone!  
  
"Do you hear me, Nishikado Soujiro? Tsukasa does not own me. I make my own decisions. If I choose to come see my friends. It's my choice! So you can lay there and believe you're guilty of whatever sins you please, but don't you dare for one second think that Tsukasa's opinions have any relevance on whether or not I choose to talk to you. It's not your fault that he and I fought. It could have been over anyone or anything, but it was bound to happen."  
  
Tsukushi was running out of steam, and she hadn't even started in on the issue of Tsukasa's complete lack of ability to communicate; how it was impossible to hold a s discussion with the man that didn't turn into a senseless shouting contest. How she hated not being able to sit down with him and talk things over, when they had a disagreement. Or how much it hurt when he insulted her for her poverty or lower-class habits and ways of thought. She missed him so much, but when she thought about it at all, she resented him, too. But she could not bring herself to continue; it was just too hard.  
  
Instead, she merely leaned up against the edge of the bed, and wearily closed her eyes. Tentatively, Soujiro freed one of his hands from her death grip to gently stroke her back.  
  
He should have known. He wasn't the only one with problems. Perhaps it was wrong of him, but just knowing that he was not alone in being miserable tonight, made him feel slightly better. Or perhaps it was that Tsukushi had alleviated some of his feelings of guilt for causing the rift between his friends. He wished he had something useful to say, but everything that came to mind seemed trite, cliched or false. How could he tell her that everything would be all right, when he didn't believe such a thing was possible? Really, all he could do was listen.  
  
After a while, Tsukushi looked up again. "We're a mess, aren't we?" she smiled sadly,  
  
"Yeah, I guess we are," Soujiro agreed.  
  
"Are you going to yell at me again, now?"  
  
"What for?"  
  
"I was about to ask you again what was bothering you. Isn't that your cue to tell me to get out?" Tsukushi's small attempt at humor fell flat.  
  
"Nah.." Soujiro sighed, and glanced over at where his fingers still entwined with hers, "Can't we just stay like this a while?" he tried to sound casual, but he couldn't hide the plea in his voice.  
  
Tsukushi followed his gaze, as his other hand returned to cover their joined ones. She didn't know why, but somehow she was comfortable with this strange familiarity. It felt good to be needed, to be relied upon for something, no matter how small-not just wanted.  
  
"Sure," she smiled gently. She wasn't sure which one of them was, at this moment, the comforter and which, the comforted.  
  
Somehow, Soujiro felt a lessening of his loneliness, a retreat in the ocean of despair that lapped at his soul so frequently. He was somewhat embarrassed by his newfound dependence upon Tsukushi to bring him peace, but despite his jagged edges, she didn't seem to mind. A small smile played upon his lips as, without noticing, Soujiro slipped into the first restful sleep he'd had all week.  
  
Tsukushi remained kneeling next to the bed, some minutes more, until she was quite sure the boy had fallen asleep. She still didn't know what was wrong with him, but at least she'd managed to get some food into him. And he did seem to be sleeping deeply. It was all she could do for now. With an exhausted sigh, Tsukushi disentangled her hand from his loosened grip and came to her feet. Right now, she was ready to collapse. Instead, she silently crept out the door, and finding her way through the darkened halls, at last made her way back out to the front door. Donning her coat, she headed back out into the night. She couldn't wait to get home and collapse on her own futon.  
  
To be continued. 


	13. random scenes in time

Fools13  
  
warning: this chapter sucks. I know it, and so will you, once you've read it. If you read it. It exists for the dull purpose of advancing time. But I still have no excuse for the poor quality, except that I'm really fucking tired right now.  
  
  
  
Soujiro's mother woke early the next morning.  
  
Last night, she'd heard the doorbell ringing and wondered who'd be calling at such a late hour. She'd only been made more curious by the sound of raised voices-her son's.. and a woman-no, girl's.. But, she knew her son had a volatile temper that he could unleash, and would not like her to come meddling in his affairs. So, despite her concern, she did not get up to see about the commotion.. It was probably just some jilted lover of his, she supposed. Oh yes, she knew about her son's lascivious habits. He was growing up to be just like his father. The thought saddened her.  
  
It was with some surprise that she noted that Soujiro didn't send the girl away.  
  
Eventually, she fell asleep, lulled by the murmuring voices from down the hall.  
  
Thus, the next morning, she decided to indulge her curiosity and check up on her son, She'd noticed that he'd been looking poorly the last few days. But again, every time she'd asked, he'd accused her of trying to interfere in his life.  
  
She sighed as she gently eased open her son's door. Peering through the crack, she was gladdened to see that for once, her son looked restful in his repose. Normally, she'd found on the other occasions that she'd watched him sleep, that his face looked locked up on itself; cold, and hard, and blank. Now, a small smile played on his lips and the arc of his shoulders traced a relaxed line down to where his elegant hands lay curled up in the sheets. Whomever that girl had been, she seemed to have done Soujiro some good.  
  
Mrs. Nishikado hoped that it wasn't just the result of some hanky-panky.. She would not abide that sort of behavior in her house.  
  
She would ask Soujiro at breakfast, if he came to breakfast, who the girl had been. But, she didn't expect that she'd get an answer, not when her son kept so much locked up inside.  
  
---  
  
Soujiro rose, feeling refreshed and calmer, despite the relatively small amount of sleep he'd gotten that night.  
  
He wasn't terribly surprised to note Tsukushi's absence. He hoped she'd gotten home all right. He felt obscurely guilty that he'd not offered her a room to stay in last night, but at the same time, relieved that he'd not have to face her prying questions this morning. (Though, Soujiro realized that if he decided he did want Tsukushi to hang around more, he'd have to answer them eventually. He'd deal with that hurdle if and when he came to it. Not now) Dressing swiftly, he joined his mother and brother at the breakfast table for the first time in days.  
  
"Morning, dear." His mother greeted, looking up from her coffee.  
  
"Jiro! Jiro! When are you going to take me to the park?" Soujiro's little brother bounced up and down on his seat.  
  
Soujiro smiled fondly at the boy, "Maybe later.."  
  
"Are you going to school today?" his mother inquired.  
  
".yeah." Soujiro replied without thinking. Why not? It would give him something to do.  
  
"Good. Are we going to meet your lady-friend anytime soon?"  
  
Soujiro scowled. He didn't think his mother had woken up last night. He must have been wrong. "She's not my girlfriend, mom."  
  
"That's too bad, dear." She clearly didn't believe him, "Will you please tell her to try and keep more normal hours next time she visits?"  
  
Mrs. Nishikado sighed as her son lost his temper at her.  
  
"Why do you keep trying to interfere, when you don't understand anything!" Soujiro fumed, and stormed out the door, struggling to regain his composure.  
  
He only gets that upset when he really cares about something, his mother mused. Nevertheless, a slow tear trickled down her cheek. She just wanted her children to be happy. Why did men have to be so difficult?  
  
Herr youngest son, noticing her sad expression, tried to cheer her up in typical 9 year old fashion.  
  
"Don't cry mama! Look at the pretty leaf I found in the garden."  
  
Gradually, her mood lifted as she watched the antics of her child.  
  
----  
  
Soujiro, outwardly composed now, strode through the school gates, just in time for the start of the day. Instantly, he was mobbed by his coterie of female admirers. "Nishikado! We missed you so much! You promised you'd meet us at Joliana's. . where were you? Have you been sick?" They variously preened, pouted and flirted as he moved through their midst. .  
  
Soujiro just smiled inwardly, and ignored them all, his handsome face showing no sign of the slight amusement he felt at their foolish attempts to latch onto him. He found it hard to believe these moronic prattlers were the same girls he'd wasted so many nights with, and spent so much of his energy seducing.  
  
They bored him immensely.  
  
To their wondering eyes, his glittering dark eyes and smooth features showed all the emotion of a rock. Perhaps he'd been taking lessons in impassivity from Rui?  
  
Still, his cool attitude bothered his admirers not at all. He was rich, he was hot, and he was justifiably known as a skilled lover. Nothing could deter them from their frenzied pursuit of such a well-endowed man.  
  
Except, of course, for the class bell.  
  
At last, Soujiro allowed himself an amused laugh, as the flock of girls turned tail and fled, mere seconds before class was to begin. It was nice to not be hindered by such mundane concerns as lessons and bells.  
  
"Oh, Nishikado." A teasing voice cut through his musings. Damn. There was one left. Turning, he was displeased to come face to face with Asai.  
  
"Yes?" he quirked an eyebrow, "Is there something I can do for you?"  
  
"Oh, yes." Asai simpered, "There's been this simply awful rumor going around that that uncouth commoner bitch was throwing herself at you. I was just wondering if it was true?"  
  
Soujiro leered nastily, "And just why might you need to know that? There's plenty of me to go around." Asai giggled as Soujiro cupped her chin in his hand an ran his thumb slowly along her jawline. She reached out to pull him into her predatory embrace. . but too late. .  
  
Soujiro had already turned away and was walking briskly towards the leafless gardens. "But not for the likes of you!" he called, laughingly, as he departed. That was fun. He smiled once more, as a furious Asai glared daggers at his retreating back.  
  
How dare he?! . But of course, he was Nishikado Soujiro; he could do as he wished. Asai was pissed off. Two years at this school and she'd never once managed to sleep with any of the F4. Even her friends had at least received a kiss from Soujiro, or one of his 'once in a lifetime' seductions. But he'd never once chosen Asai. And now, he was hanging out with that slut Makino. Asai knew just who to blame for her frustrations. If only she could find a way to make that girl suffer .  
  
---  
  
Tsukushi was tired. She'd barely managed to get through the first few lectures of the morning. It didn't help that she could feel Asai's evil eye boring through her back all morning. Idly, she wondered what it was she was supposed to have done this time. Not that it mattered. She thought that soon she'd become completely inured to the worst the other girl could do to her.  
  
Tsukushi breathed a sigh of relief as the lunch bell rang. At least now she could relax for a few minutes. Fighting her way through the crowds in the cafeteria, she retreated to a quiet corner, where she could at least pretend she didn't hear the taunts of her classmates. Tsukushi had just opened up her bento when a shadow fell over her. Expecting to find some bully intent on harassing her out of the cafeteria, she turned, am icy glare already forming in her eyes. Seeing as it was, instead, Nishikado Soujiro, her jaw dropped.  
  
"Yo." he drawled, "Hey poor-girl, why are you looking so stunned? You see a ghost or something?"  
  
"Hey," Tsukushi managed, noting the return of the boy's more usual carefree attitude. "I didn't expect to see you at school. The rest of the F4 still aren't around."  
  
"Ah, I got bored," Soujiro shrugged, and without asking permission, took a seat across from Tsukushi.  
  
Behind her, Tsukushi sensed the venomous glares of Eitoku's female population turning her way. Again.  
  
On entering the cafeteria, Soujiro had paused, surveyed the room, and headed directly for Tsukushi. This behavior had not gone unnoticed by his fans, most of whom were now busily recapitulating last week's gossip and embellishing it with fresh lies and innuendoes.  
  
Tsukushi suddenly yawned. Soujiro looked at the girl in some concern; she did look tired. "What time did you get home last night?" he inquired.  
  
"Umm, 430-5ish. ." Tsukushi mumbled, "I missed my train, and had to wait half an hour for the next one to come through. . almost fell asleep at the station and missed that one too."  
  
"You should have stayed with me," Soujiro teased, just to see the look on Tsukushi's face. "I wouldn't have minded. There's always plenty of room in my bed for a cute girl."  
  
"Pervert!" Tsukushi, as expected, flushed scarlet. But then, regaining her composure, she impulsively stuck her tongue out at the startled boy, "Besides, as you've told me before, I'm not cute. So I guess there wouldn't be room after all."  
  
Oh, did I really say that? It was Soujiro's turn to blush ever so slightly. Tsukushi grinned suddenly at her newfound ability to silence the flirtatious boy. Picking up a rice ball from her bento with her chopsticks, Tsukushi waved the food gently in front of Soujiro's face.  
  
"Have you eaten today?"  
  
"Ah, No . .." Soujiro was startled by the sudden conversational shift, but after a moment's thought, recalled, that he had walked away from breakfast without eating.  
  
"Idiot. Eat this." She continued holding up the rice ball. The boy was so thin already; what did he possibly live on? With all those servants, you'd think he'd be better taken care of.  
  
Soujiro grimaced. He was not used to letting anyone take care of him like this. But he could see that Tsukushi was not giving up. And it was gratifying, in a way, to feel that someone cared about him. He gave in and daintily plucked the morsel from her chopsticks and ate. He did, however make the requisite mutterings about "poor people's food" when he was done. Still Tsukushi seemed satisfied, and beamed at him, before going back to her own meal.  
  
This is weird. Tsukushi thought. Why do I feel so comfortable with this boy? Why is he showing me so many sides I've never seen before? When he looks at me with those beautiful dark eyes, I don't see the sensual playboy any more. . but I don't know what it is that has replaced it. . She did know that she saw pain; both old and new in his gaze. And she wanted to make it stop, as if by helping him to overcome his wounds, she could somehow heal her own.  
  
Luckily, she did not have to dwell on these thoughts long; for lunch was rapidly drawing to a close.  
  
"Shit! I've got to get to class!" Tsukushi yelped, looking at her watch in some dismay.  
  
"Bah." Soujiro waved dismissively, "You should skip it. Classes are for idiots."  
  
"Easy for you to say! You've had all this stuff already. But I've got a big exam on Friday-if I don't go to lecture, I'll fail!" Distractedly, Tsukushi gathered her stuff together, and stood to leave.  
  
"Tsukushi," Soujiro stopped her with a word.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I'm glad you came by last night."  
  
"Ah. . it was nothing. . " Tsukushi blushed, and stammered, as Soujiro impulsively grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to the table.  
  
"Hah. Rui was right.' A sudden mischievous smile lit up Soujiro's face as he surveyed the captured girl.  
  
"Huh?" Tsukushi was thoroughly confused now.  
  
"You are cute when you're surprised." With these words, Soujiro let go of her wrist, and swiftly getting to his own feet, started to walk away, "See ya tomorrow!"  
  
Tsukushi was left to shake her head in dismay. What sort of strange game did the boy think he was playing?  
  
In the hall, she was almost knocked down by a horrified Kazuya. "Tsukushi, Is it true? Oh Tsukushi, if that monster touched you, I'll kill him!"  
  
"Kazuya, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Everyone is saying terrible things about you and Nishikado! But I just can't believe that my sweet, innocent Tsukushi would be seduced by such a monster! Tell me it's not so!"  
  
"Relax, Kazuya," Tsukushi almost laughed, "I was just helping him, while he was. . sick ."  
  
"Oh!" Kazuya's eyes filled with relieved tears, My precious Tsukushi is still untainted.. I still have a chance to win her now that Doumyouji's gone! Almost skipping now, Kazuya breathlessly dared ask, "Hey, Tsukushi, do you want to come over sometime after school. maybe catch a movie or something?"  
  
"Sure," Tsukushi absently replied, her mind already dwelling on the impending calculus exam. She'd hardly even caught the question. Nevertheless, an elated Kazuya collapsed, unnoticed behind her, in a paroxysm of exhilaration. Tsukushi could be his! He didn't even notice when a fuming Asai kicked him as she stormed to class..  
  
Poor Kazuya. No one ever took him seriously. Good thing he was too dense to notice.  
  
---  
  
The rest of the day passed pretty much uneventfully. Tsukushi went to class, and tiredly dragged herself to work, Thankfully, today she only had to work one shift at the dango shop.  
  
She did notice that Yuki was somewhat more distracted than usual. But the other girl didn't seem to want to talk about it.  
  
The cause of her abstraction became plainly obvious when, as their shift wound to its end, Akira walked in the door.  
  
"Good evening!" he greeted cheerfully, "Anyone care to join me for a drink, on this fine evening?"  
  
Yuki blushed and looked away. Tsukushi mouthed a faint "oh" of sudden understanding.  
  
"Evening, Mimasaka," Tsukushi replied coolly, as her friend busied herself with cleaning off the counter. I wonder what I missed yesterday? "What brings you here?"  
  
"Well, I was hoping for some company this evening," he turned to look meaningfully at Yuki. "Though, I also thought to ask you, if you knew where I might find Soujiro? I heard rumors today that he actually came to school."  
  
Tsukushi nodded slowly, "True, but I don't know where he is now. Why would I? Look, I have to get home. I'll catch you later. Yuki, you want me to walk you home?" Tsukushi was eager to be gone, and to get away from the sudden discomfort she felt on mention of Soujiro's name.  
  
Yuki looked up at last, having come to a decision, "Nah, I'll be fine on my own. I'll see you tomorrow!"  
  
"Bye!" Tsukushi stumbled out the door, already deep in thought. Akira and Yuki? She wouldn't have thought it possible. But, sneaking a glance back behind herself, there they were, already deep in conversation. "I hope it's not just a rebound from her infatuation with Soujiro? I think that I'm going to have to have a little chat with Akira before this goes any further. . . ." Tsukushi shook her head and continued on her way. She had too much else on her mind right now to spare much worry on Yuki; especially as she was fairly confident the other girl could handle herself just fine.  
  
-----  
  
The next morning passed much like the last, except that Tsukushi actually managed to get adequate sleep for once. Even though her neck was stiff from collapsing across her textbooks. Still, her attention span in class was divided between the professor and the bitches behind her, who kept throwing spitballs at her, until she turned to glare-at which point they'd steal her notes. It was exceedingly frustrating. Tsukushi's concentration was utterly shot; she had no idea how she was going to pass her exam if she couldn't even grasp what was being taught in lecture.  
  
"I can't take this anymore." Tsukushi sighed as the lunch bell rang. And so, despite the rather chilly weather, she retreated to her favorite hideout on the emergency stairs. Sinking down onto the cold steps, she let out a grateful sigh; quiet at last. Maybe she could even get some studying down, and try to figure out what it was she was supposed to have learned today.  
  
Half an hour passed rapidly, as Tsukushi ate and flipped pages She was starting to get chilled through, but there was no way she was going to reenter the school building until the absolute end of the lunch period.  
  
"So here's where you went off to! Aren't you cold out here?"  
  
For a second, Tsukushi almost thought Rui had come back, and she was torn between the pain of missing him, and not wanting the complication right now- and then she realized that the man standing over her was not, in fact Rui, but Soujiro. A feeling of unexpected disappointment warred with relief.. . . and happiness to see him?  
  
"Hey. It's not that bad out here. Have a seat." She waved a hand at the upper stairs upon which her papers were spread out. Gingerly, Soujiro shuffled them aside, and sat down.  
  
"Damn, that's freezing!" he yelped as the cold seeped into him from the chilled concrete.  
  
"Wimp." Tsukushi smiled, and reached into her schoolbag, "Here! I thought you might show up today, so I made you this!" She pulled out a bento, just like the one she'd so recently finished.  
  
"I am capable of getting my own lunch, you know." Soujiro grimaced, made distinctly uncomfortable by Tsukushi's attention.  
  
"Riight. I bet you would have forgotten to eat again, if I didn't remind you. Seriously! You have to eat." Boys could be such idiots. "Besides, I had to make Susumu's and mine anyway, so I had extras."  
  
Soujiro sighed, and began to eat. There was something about Tsukushi's cooking that sent a warm glow spreading inside his soul. He blinked in thought. It wouldn't do for Tsukushi to realize the effect she was having on him. Fortunately, he reflected, the girl was dense enough that she'd probably not notice a thing weird about his behavior.  
  
"What are you studying?" he inquired, idly flicking through her scattered notes.  
  
"Calculus," Tsukushi made a face. "I'm not getting anywhere. This one theorem has me completely stumped."  
  
"Hmm. . . Let me take a look at that." Soujiro bent closer, and began to explain the proof.  
  
Once again, Tsukushi was struck by the surprising intelligence of the F4. Unfortunately, she had to interrupt Soujiro in mid-explanation.  
  
"You're so good at this stuff. Do you think you could help me with this after school today? I have to run to class in, like, two minutes. Please? I'm really afraid I'm going to fail this exam if I don't figure this stuff out ASAP."  
  
"Umm. Sure." Soujiro nodded. He was not used to anyone actually asking him for academic help. In fact, the only time he could ever remember helping anyone with their school work was the other week, with Tsukushi. Well, it was never too late to try something new. "Why don't you come over to my house this afternoon?"  
  
"Cool! Thank you so much!" Tsukushi smiled brightly, and jumped to her feet, "I'll see you in a few hours then!" with a last wave, she dashed off to class.  
  
Soujiro shook his head again, and more slowly climbed to his feet. Just what was he getting himself into?  
  
---  
  
As promised, Tsukushi showed up at Soujiro's house promptly after school. She only had a few hours before she had to get to work, and she needed to make the most of the time she had.  
  
"Hey," Soujiro greeted her at the door, "No waking up the whole house this time."  
  
"Huh?" Tsukushi blinked stupidly, "Why are they sleeping in the middle of the day?"  
  
"It was a joke, you idiot." Soujiro smiled, "Come on. Let's get to work."  
  
They settled in at his desk, and Tsukushi dumped out her texts and notes. As the late afternoon sun, filtered through the wide windows, warmed their backs, Soujiro and Tsukushi began to talk math. Gradually the light faded, and Tsukushi finally began to feel as though she was finally getting a feel for the material. She was amazed by how patient Soujiro became when she failed to grasp a point, and by how he insisted that she think each problem through, and try again no matter how badly she screwed up. "If it had been Tsukasa helping me," Tsukushi reflected grimly, "He'd have given up on me by now and just done it all for me-that is, if he even knows how to do math. . . . It's nice to have a friend who's actually willing to help me do it for myself. And it's good to see that Soujiro's still in a more relaxed mood today. . ."  
  
Soujiro, himself, was surprised by how naturally teaching came to him. Trust Tsukushi to help reveal the undiscovered depths in a person. Though, on second thought, he really shouldn't be that surprised; after all, he had been teaching the tea ceremony for some years now. He was good at that, so there was no reason he shouldn't be good at other kinds of instruction as well. . . .  
  
"OK, got it?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so. Let's hope I can remember it all for another two days."  
  
"Ah.. you'll be fine."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"Yeah. Don't worry so much. It's just school.. . . "  
  
"Easy for you to say. You don't need to worry about getting into a good college." Tsukushi muttered under her breath as she gathered her papers back together.  
  
"'Jiro! Mama says to tell you it's time for dinner!" Whatever Soujiro had been about to reply was drowned out by the noisy entry of his hyperactive little brother. "Oh!" The little boy suddenly noticed Tsukushi, and was momentarily silenced, before uttering happily, (and very loudly) "'Jiro's got a girlfriend! What's her name?"  
  
"Tsukushi's Not my girlfriend," Soujiro blushed faintly, as he growled in reply.  
  
"Hi, Tsukushi! Are you sure you're not 'Jiro's girlfriend? Are you staying for dinner?"  
  
Tsukushi blushed even redder than Soujiro had, mere moments before. "You should listen to your brother," she replied firmly, "And no, I don't think so. I have to get to work soon."  
  
"Aww, come on!" the little boy pled, "I never get to meet 'Jiro's friends."  
  
"That's not true!" Soujiro protested, "The F4 come here plenty often."  
  
"'Kasa's scary, Rui's weird, and Akira makes fun of me," the boy pouted. "They don't count."  
  
Tsukushi was forced to stifle her laughter at the descriptions of the other boys. Nevertheless, she still didn't intend to stay for dinner.  
  
Soujiro added his voice to his brother's invitation, "You should stay, Tsukushi. After all, you're the one who thinks I never eat! How else am I supposed to prove to you that I really do?" Besides, he silently hoped that Tsukushi's presence would make dinner with his family a bit more bearable. When his father was home, the family meal was an uncomfortable thing; filled with trivial conversation, and the gaping silences of meaningful things left unsaid.. Sometimes, when his father wasn't there, it was worse. For then, the silences filled with tension, as Soujiro's mother tried not to think about where her husband was and who he might be with, and Soujiro tried to beat down the urge to tear his father apart when he came home. The confused prattle of his little brother, on these occasions, as the child tried to lighten the dreary mood, only seemed to accentuate the rifts tearing the family apart. Anything was better than that. This was why Soujiro so rarely ate at home. But with a stranger at the table, perhaps his family could pretend to hold together for a few minutes, pretend to care about each other. And maybe, just maybe, Tsukushi could help fill the silences with something. . . . So please, let her stay, just a little while longer.  
  
Tsukushi's stomach answered for her; an embarrassingly loud growl rumbled through her gut.  
  
"I take it that's a yes, then?" Soujiro teased, taking Tsukushi's bookbag away from her. Tsukushi just shrugged in resignation.  
  
"You sure your parents won't mind?"  
  
Soujiro shook his head. "My mom's not like Tsukasa's. You'll be fine."  
  
"Ok, then."  
  
"Oh goody!" Soujiro's little bother bounced off down the hall to tell the butler to set an extra place at the dinner table-and to tell his mother all about the girl 'Jiro brought home.  
  
----  
  
Dinner itself was uneventful, which was a relief for all concerned. Soujiro's mother remembered Tsukushi from the time she'd visited before with Rui. It was, after all, easy to remember such things when Soujiro brought so few people home. She was under the impression that Tsukushi was still dating Tsukasa, and asked after the Doumyouji family. She seemed somewhat confused when Tsukushi could only shrug and look away. But other than that bit of uncomfortableness, the meal went smoothly. Soujiro's little brother prattled away unselfconsciously at Tsukushi, who was only too happy to chatter back at him, in between bits of inconsequential conversations with Soujiro and his mother about school, her family, her jobs, etc.. . . Afterwards, Soujiro and his brother walked Tsukushi to the door.  
  
"Your brother is really cute." Tsukushi told Soujiro  
  
"Does that mean you don't think I am?" Soujiro teased.  
  
"You're not going to get any compliments from me!" Tsukushi laughed, "You already get enough of that from every other female on the planet."  
  
"Hmph." Soujiro pouted, "But I want to hear it from you!"  
  
"Anyway, thanks for the math help, and dinner!" Tsukushi grinned, spun on her heel, and ran off down the street. If she didn't run, she was totally going to be late for work.  
  
Absently Soujiro shut the door, and bent to pick up his little brother.  
  
"She's nice." The young boy commented, as Soujiro lifted him onto his shoulder. "Why isn't she your girlfriend?"  
  
"She likes somebody else," Soujiro muttered.  
  
Curiously, his brother bent down to stare at Soujiro's face, "You like her, don't you?"  
  
Without thinking about it, Soujiro found himself responding, "Yeah, I suppose I do."  
  
But the dawning realization did not make him happy.  
  
--  
  
Later that night, Soujiro called Akira. It was really time for him to pull himself out of his rut and try to get back to his normal social routine.  
  
"Yo." Akira answered his phone with a smile, shushing the girl sitting at the table with him,  
  
"Hey, man. What're you up to this evening?"  
  
"Dude! Where have you been? I've been looking for you all week!"  
  
"Eh, I was.. sick.. So, are you up for hitting the clubs tonight?"  
  
"Ah. " Akira accepted this explanation with an unseen nod, "Actually, I'm sort of busy tonight. I'm seeing this really cute chick. and I'm afraid you might try to steal her away." He winked at Yuki, who promptly blushed crimson and studiously began to contemplate her drink.  
  
"Right. You know I wouldn't do that to you! I'm sure she's too old for me anyway, knowing the women you date." Soujiro laughed, "Oh well. Are you free tomorrow? Good, let's meet up then at the Blue Cat?"  
  
"Great," Akira smiled, it was good to hear Soujiro acting like his usual self again, "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I ran into Sakurako today. She said we have to come to her birthday party next weekend. . . . Yeah, we've only got a week and a half to drink ourselves into oblivion before then, so you'd better get started.. . . .What? . . . No, you know we can't skip it. You want her to make your life a living hell? I certainly don't. Besides, you know she's friends with Makino. If we refuse to show, she'll sic her on us. No good can come of that!"  
  
"Shit." Soujiro grimaced, "I'm going to get started on preemptively forgetting the event. See you tomorrow!" He hung up the phone, wondering when he would get to meet Akira's new lady-friend. No matter; if Akira was serious about her, he'd meet her soon enough, and in the meantime, he should at least try to entertain himself. With a final adjustment to his clothing, and to his attitude, Soujiro went out into the night. He would play the lady-killer. He would buy drinks and be merry. But he didn't think he'd bother to get a hotel room for the night. Somehow, he just didn't feel the need tonight.  
  
To be continued..  
  
next up, Tsukasa! I bet you wonder why I've been ignoring him? (cause I couldn't think of anything to say.) But it's time to give him something to do. Maybe I'll even write some Rui too. 


	14. Ah, Tsukasa

Tsukasa fumed.  
  
He'd returned home last week after Tsukushi had dumped him so forcefully. He'd been ranting and raving - one might almost say that he was fit to be tied.  
  
Which, shortly after his arrival, he was.  
  
Tsubaki had come home for a surprise visit with her little brother, while her husband was off at a business conference. She wasn't pleased at all when her first sight of Tsukasa was of his beet red face, with wild eyes bulging in frustrated anger and helplessness. Tsubaki managed to catch one or two words of his incoherent mutterings before she sighed in resignation and booted her idiot of a brother across the room.  
  
"Hey! What did you do that for?" Tsukasa whined from the corner he'd landed in.  
  
"OK, little brother, what sort of stupidity are you up to now?" Tsubaki sternly regarded the crumpled boy, impatiently drumming her fingers on her crossed arms as she awaited his answer. Honestly, Tsukasa was such a hassle sometimes.  
  
Tsukasa seemed to retreat into himself. Struggling to get up, he began to mutter something about Tsukushi, Rui, Soujiro.  
  
This was getting her nowhere, Tsubaki decide. Trust her brother not to be able to just tell a straight story. She was sure he must have done something to upset Tsukushi, again. He only acted this way after an incident with her. If he'd hurt Tsukushi again, Tsubaki swore that she would never forgive him. Why did those two always have to make it so difficult for each other?  
  
Growling, Tsubaki stalked over to Tsukasa and knocked him back to the floor. Pinning him there with one spike-heeled boot on his neck, she took out her cellphone and started dialing. She'd get the straight story from Rui.  
  
"Hello, Rui?" This is Doumyouji Tsubaki. . . . Hi, How are you? . . . . Good. . . . the reason I'm calling is that I've got my brother here and he seems to be babbling incoherently. Would you please be so kind as to tell me just what has going on around here?"  
  
(Tsukasa was, in fact, not babbling at this moment, but rather gasping for air and clawing at his sister's immovable foot crushing his throat.)  
  
"Uh huh. . . . indeed. . . . I see. . . " To Tsukasa's ears, there was something menacing growing in his sister's tone. He wondered what, exactly, that traitor Rui was telling her.  
  
"Indeed. Thanks, Rui.." Tsubaki snapped her phone shut with a decisive click, and turned to look down at her blue-faced brother.  
  
"Hmm. what am I going to do with you?" Tsubaki sighed. She'd tried to raise her brother to be a good man, but it was obvious that she'd failed. She sighed in despair. All she wanted to do was to see Tsukushi-the girl she loved like a sister - happy with her brother; but the damned fool had fucked up again!  
  
Well then, Tsubaki decided that it would be for the best if Tsukushi and Tsukasa both calmed down a bit and had time to think before their next encounter. After all, she'd seen how stiff-necked each could be after one of their little spats. They probably just needed a break to settle down and realize how much they missed each other. . . . .  
  
She waited a few more moments, while Tsukasa's face turned blue and his struggling slowed, then ceased. Raising her voice sharply, Tsubaki called for the servants, who'd been cowering outside the room since the first moment Tsukasa had burst in the door.  
  
"Take this idiot back to his room," She ordered, "And tie him up." I want him bound hand and foot. And lock the doors and windows. I don't want him going anywhere."  
  
"Yes, mistress." Two of the stronger servants carefully lifted Tsukasa's limp body off the floor.  
  
"And you'd better hurry. He should regain consciousness in a few minutes." Tsubaki warned.  
  
The servants took off with some alacrity; they had no desire to be present when Tsukasa woke up.. They all still remembered how violent he could be. (Even if he had settled down more in recent years).  
  
---  
  
Tsukasa groggily regained consciousness. His head was absolutely pounding! Wearily, he went to rub his aching temples with the heel of his hand-or at least, he tried to. Why couldn't he move? He tried sitting up. Oh wait, he was already sitting up. Nope, couldn't stand either. Tsukasa was just beginning to realize the situation he was in.  
  
"TSUBAKIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!" He went to scream, only to discover that, almost as an afterthought, he'd been gagged, as well as tied up.  
  
Finally, Tsukasa thought to open his eyes. He needn't have yelled, (or rather, grunted loudly, as the actuality had been) for his sister was sitting in an armchair across the room from him.  
  
Tsubaki sipped a glass of rather dull wine (situations like this certainly didn't merit a fine vintage), and regarded her brother.  
  
"Finally awake, I see. Listen closely, little brother. Here's the plan. You need to work on your social skills. Most especially on your communication ability. It simply does not do for the heir to the Doumyouji Corporation to be so tongue-tied as you seem to be." The irony of this statement, given Tsukasa's current bound and gagged state, completely escaped her notice. "Thus, you will remain in this house, with your new tutors in the social graces, until I decide it's safe to unleash you on the world again." Tsubaki leaned back into her chair.  
  
Tsukasa's eyes bugged out incredulously. Social skills? Anger management? His sister had finally lost her mind! He wanted to tell her so; perhaps scream it at her at the top of his lungs. But since he could not speak, he retreated into one of his deep sulks instead. Surely, she couldn't watch him every hour of the day? And they had to untie him sometime. Tsukasa was already scheming his escape. He knew, just knew, that all he really needed to do was find Tsukushi, take her in his arms, and kiss her, and everything would go back to normal. After all, when he loved her, what could stand between them for long?  
  
Tsukasa never had had any common sense. Anyone could have poked plenty of holes in his so-called-brilliant plan. For example, the fact that that technique hadn't worked for long the last time he tried it, or perhaps that what Tsukushi really wanted was not just love, but understanding, and maybe an end to the continual cycle of bickering. But Tsukasa would not, could not think of such things.  
  
And of course, the question Tsukasa really should have been asking himself, instead of fuming about his sister and her devious plans was; did he really love Tsukushi and want her to be happy, or did he merely love her for the ideal she represented-an end to the solitude and loneliness that pervaded his life? For often, it seemed that Tsukasa didn't really recognize the girl he loved for who she was at all; didn't understand her needs, her fears, her goals, or her insecurities. This was why they so often ended up in a state of mutual misunderstanding; tempers flaring and cruel words flying.  
  
Sadly, Tsukasa wasn't capable of imagining these truths. To him the world was a much simpler place. And what the question boiled down to for him was simply; did Tsukushi love him? If she did, he'd win her back. And that was all there was to it. The sooner the better. But if she didn't, then Someone must be to blame. And he would kill whomever that was. Even if, or perhaps, especially if, the one responsible for stealing Tsukushi's heart away was one of his own friends. Tsukasa's own insecurities and doubts had frequently left him wondering how much Tsukushi really loved him, given her habit of attracting men right and left; not to mention the questionable nature of her friendship with Rui. . . . Tsukasa growled through his gag. . . But always, Tsukushi had reminded him to believe in her-and he had.. until now.  
  
This time she had not reminded him of his promises. Tsukasa realized, She'd just turned and walked away, as if something deep inside had finally broken. Well, and was it really his fault for doubting when she came home smelling like the lecherous Soujiro? Or when he glimpsed her reclining in Rui's arms? How could he know if she loved him still? But, Tsukasa just didn't know how to ask, how to talk about these issues. All he could do was Accuse and Yell, carried away by the heat of the moment.  
  
Thus, this.  
  
A week passed, and still Tsukasa found no opportunity to escape. His sister watched him like a hawk. When she wasn't around there was always a guard or two watching him; or he would be tied up. It was simply humiliating to be treated like this. Tsukasa swore he'd get his revenge on his sister some day. . . Meanwhile, he was forced to listen to his sister's lectures (for which she once more gagged him to prevent his arguments, whining, screaming, death threats; whatever nonsense he'd come up with that day). Too, she made good on her threat to bring in tutors, and those also drilled him endlessly on the proper way to talk to a lady, on how to open up discussion of sensitive subjects, how to emote, and how to project an emotional rapport. For the most part, Tsukasa simply ignored them. Did Tsubaki really think he didn't know how to act? It was just that, when facing off with Tsukushi, all rational thought tended to fly straight out the window. He simply couldn't help himself. Thus, the anger management class Tsubaki put him through; which again, he sulkily ignored-convinced that none of it was any use.  
  
One afternoon, Tsubaki was wearily treating herself to a bottle of wine - a fine Montrachet-hell, she bloody well deserved a treat after putting up with that idiot for a week, when the phone rang.  
  
Hesitantly, one of the maids brought Tsubaki the phone, asking, "It's for Tsukasa-should I bring it to him?"  
  
"Who is it?" Tsubaki asked, but the maid didn't know. "No matter, give it to me. . . ." Lifting the receiver, she inquired, "Hello, may I ask who wants to speak to my stupid bother?. . . Oh, hi Akira! What can I do for you? . . . No, I'm afraid I can't let you talk to him, he's sort of tied up right now. . . . No. I don't think I'll let him out this weekend. . . . . Next weekend? Maybe, why? . . . A party? Hmm. Will Tsukushi be there? Probably? . . . . Well, in that case, I'll think about it. Thanks, Akira, say hello to the rest of the gang for me. . . Bye."  
  
Thoughtfully, Tsubaki hung up the phone. Would another week and a half be enough to beat some sense into Tsukasa? There was only one way to find out. But it was true, Sakurako's party might be the perfect opportunity to check out the results of Tsukasa's training. Presuming Tsukasa didn't manage to somehow get loose before then. Standing up, Tsubaki went to check on her remaining stockpile of extra-strong, Tsukasa-proof rope.  
  
-----  
  
And what about Rui? What was he up to all this time? Was he brooding, in a dark sulk? Or, was he biding his time, waiting for the right moment to pop up behind Tsukushi, and surprise her with his cunning empathy?  
  
Well, maybe.  
  
For, Rui was just as inscrutable as ever. Outwardly, he mostly didn't do much. He melted back into his sofa at home, his world centered on channel surfing. Wasn't much else to do. Yeah, and he slept a lot. What thoughts, what schemes floated through his head, no one knew but himself. Sometimes Akira would call. Or once, Tsubaki. But never Tsukasa, never Tsukushi. Even Sakurako called, inviting him to her birthday next week. Perhaps Tsukushi would be there. Sakurako made him promise to come. Detached and aloof from reality, Rui floated through the week. Occasionally, he smiled, as if, almost telepathically, he could sense Tsukushi's moods. More often, he looked pensive. But it was hard to tell, This was after all, Rui-the original emotionless man. For him, the week passed quickly. Saturday, he at last elected to go out. Akira had called, inviting Rui out clubbing with himself and Soujiro. Idly, Rui wondered if Tsukasa would be there as well. Not that it made a difference. Expressionlessly, he put on some suitable clothes, and went out into the night.  
  
To be continued..  
  
Ok, whew that takes care of my 'obligation' to write Tsukasa and Rui. Couldn't have an HYD plot without them, but I really could care less what they're up to. Can't you tell? (bonus points if you recognize the mutated song reference in the rui paragraph (don't worry, you won't get it)) 


	15. 3 boys, booze, an argument

exams? What exams? Err, um, I'm studying, really I am. I hope to get at least 2 more chapters out before I leave for vacation at the end of next week. We'll see if that happens or not  
  
"Yo!" Akira greeted, as Soujiro joined him outside the designated nightclub.  
  
"Hey. Where's Rui?"  
  
"Late as usual. You know him; he's probably still asleep."  
  
"Yeah. You're right." Soujiro shrugged, "No sense waiting out here in the cold."  
  
The two boys entered the smoky club, and immediately began a fierce debate about the safest place to sit and talk. Since they were meeting to hang out with each other, and not to pick up girls, they needed to find a place to chill where they would not be noticed by the throngs of tipsy women at the bar. And, of course, both Akira and Soujiro had very definite ideas about what sort of niche such safety might be found in. Eventually, they laughingly reached a compromise and sat down, trusting that Rui's unerring instincts would home in on their location when he arrived.  
  
"So," Akira began, after they'd placed the order for their first round of drinks, "What have you been up to this week?" With a sly wink and a nudge, "Did you ever hook up with that chick I told you about? You know, the one with the interesting piercings?"  
  
"Nah," Soujiro grinned, and joked, "I was afraid to get stabbed by her jewelry. . . . That spike through her lip you described. . . . The last thing I need is to get impaled on that thing."  
  
Akira laughed, as he was meant to.  
  
Before Akira could pursue the topic of Soujiro's recent exploits, or lack thereof, Rui finally arrived at the table.  
  
"There's a bunch of crazed women at the door looking for you." he greeted, "Can't you two go anywhere without attracting such an annoying swarm?"  
  
"Ah, you're just jealous." Soujiro replied, "But never fear, if you'd just take our advice, you too could have any of those lovely ladies, right Akira?"  
  
"Yeah!" Akira enthused, "I don't know why you don't come out with us more often, Rui. You need a woman in your life." Privately, he added, "so you can stop moping after Tsukushi and making Tsukasa's life difficult. . . ."  
  
"Women are such a hassle." Rui asserted, settling deeper into his seat, "Why bother?"  
  
Soujiro and Akira exchanged looks, as if to say, "Is this boy smoking crack, or what?" But, after all, it was Rui. He must be in one of his moods again. Not that that should be any surprise.  
  
"So what have you been up to?" Soujiro inquired, as he finished off his first drink, and waved the waitress over for a second round.  
  
"Catching up on sleep, I bet." Akira teased.  
  
Rui just shrugged enigmatically.  
  
"I bet he's been sulking since Tsukushi told him off, " Soujiro mused silently, "I wonder if he realizes that she'd be happy to see him? He must know that she can't stay mad at him long. No one ever stays mad at Rui." Surprised to find himself actually thinking such things, Soujiro quickly took a sip of his gin and tonic, and opened his mouth to turn the conversation back to Akira. Of course, as is so often the case, he was interrupted by the ringing of his cellphone. "Damn it, I thought that thing was still off."  
  
"Sorry guys," Soujiro grimaced as he went to answer the call, "Hello?" With a cringe of pain, he pulled the phone away from his ear abruptly, "Please, can you not talk so loud, I can hear just fine! Just 'cause it's loud at your end. . . . bah, what were you saying again? . . . Oh, ok. I don't see why you're so excited, it was no problem at all. . . . Why are you calling me now of all times? .. . . Oh, yeah the phone was off. Sorry. Hey look, I'm with the guys right now, can I call you back tomorrow? Ok, I'll see you Monday. Bye." Soujiro exhaled deeply as he clicked his phone shut.  
  
"Who was that?" Akira inquired curiously, "A new girlfriend? I bet she thinks you're out picking up other women now."  
  
(Just then, a still hyperactive Tsukushi was hanging up her end of the line. She'd been so thrilled yesterday when she'd aced her calculus test. She'd wanted to thank Soujiro for all his help in person, as she'd never done so well in that horrible class before. But, she'd not been able to reach the boy. Why was it that he never seemed to turn his phone on? Tsukushi was taking a break from waiting tables, when she'd decided on a whim to try one last time. So maybe she'd been a bit loud, she could hardly hear herself speak, here. (The restaurant was very crowded and noisy this time on a Saturday). But really, Soujiro didn't need to sound quite so irritated. Then, a startled-and completely mistaken-realization hit Tsukushi; Soujiro was probably out on a date or something. She must have interrupted. Tsukushi automatically blushed in embarrassment, thankful that nobody who might care could see. "I'll apologize, if he comes to school Monday.." She told herself, making a mental note not to call Soujiro late at night again-after all, he wasn't like Tsukasa-Soujiro did have a social life. At least, he did when he wasn't depressed out of his mind. Still shaking her head in inappropriate embarrassment, Tsukushi went back to work.)  
  
"Ah, no. . . "Soujiro hesitated. Oh hell, why not, what was wrong with telling his friends the truth? "Actually, it was just Tsukushi."  
  
"Huh?" It was Akira who spoke, but both he and Rui turned to stare at Soujiro.  
  
"What? Why are you looking at me like that? She just wanted to thank me for helping her study for her math exam!" Soujiro gulped the rest of his drink, and slammed the empty glass down in irritation.  
  
"Hmmm." Rui started to look thoughtful. (If indeed, any expression could be discerned upon that cool visage.) Absentmindedly, he called the waitress over, and ordered a bottle of scotch for the table.  
  
"You. . . did . . What?" Akira choked out in a strangled voice.  
  
"Helped. . . her. . . Study." Soujiro replied as if talking to a very stupid child. More normally, he continued, "What's wrong with that? She asked for help." As the bottle arrived, he started to pour for his friends.  
  
"You actually remember that shit?" Akira was incredulous.  
  
"Sure why not? Hey, I know you still can remember the GDP and major exports of every industrialized nation. So, I remember math. Give it a rest, ok?" Soujiro was getting defensive. "Damn it, I should have lied" he silently berated himself. He sipped at his scotch in an attempt to calm down.  
  
"Ok, Ok," Akira spread his hands placatingly, "But Makino? I mean, couldn't you find a cute girl to tutor? If you're going to go through that much effort, you may as well get some reward out of it."  
  
"Tsukushi's cute." Rui interrupted calmly, as he gazed at the amber liquid swirling in his glass.  
  
"We all know what you think." Akira continued, "But you're biased. Soujiro's got better taste than that, right?"  
  
"Umm. . . "  
  
"And furthermore, dude, how can you teach her anything? She's always flipping out over every little thing. I bet she gets angry over every mistake she makes. . . "  
  
"Hey," Soujiro protested, "Why are you so annoyed at her? She's not like that all the time. Really, She's much calmer and less stupid when Tsukasa's not around. Right, Rui?"  
  
"Mmmm." Was all Rui had to say.  
  
"You want to know why I'm annoyed?" Akira asked, "It's because of Makino that Tsukasa has spent the past week imprisoned by Tsubaki. She bloody well tied him up! We shouldn't let one of our members suffer that sort of indignity. And you're hanging out, teaching calculus of all things, to the one who caused it all." Angrily, he tossed back the rest of his drink, and poured himself another.  
  
"Is that it?" Soujiro asked incredulously, "You do recall, don't you, just how hard We had to try to get those two to go out to begin with? Remember; Canada, your guest house, Shigeru's island? If We hadn't pushed them so hard, they might never have gotten over their own idiocy enough to go out in the first place! If anything, It's as much our fault as theirs that Tsukasa's such a wreck. If we hadn't interfered, they might have given up sooner when they realized how miserable they were really making each other. Instead they waited this long, getting more and more fed up with one another. Because we wouldn't let them give up." Maybe this analysis wasn't entirely valid-it definitely gave the boys far too much credit for their efforts-but, just then Soujiro was struck by the need to defend Tsukushi from her detractor. Irately, he reminded himself, "Damn it, This has got to stop." He clenched his teeth tightly to prevent himself from revealing anything more damning in his attitude. "And why isn't Rui defending her? Isn't he supposed to be the one in love with that silly woman?" This last he did not say aloud, much as he wanted to.  
  
Rui was, in fact, observing Soujiro very intently from beneath half-lidded eyes. Hmmm.  
  
"Ok. I get your point," Akira held up his palms in surrender. He didn't really dislike Tsukushi, Who could? Exasperatingly clueless as she could be, she was still a good person. And of course, she had cute friends. . . .Akira felt his train of thought start to wander, and quickly decided it was time to get Rui more involved in the conversation. "Ahem." Akira cleared his throat, ". . . .And speaking of Makino and hooking up. . . Rui, just how far did you ever get with her?"  
  
"Hmmm?" Rui stared expressionlessly over the rim of his glass at the now ginning playboy. "I've seen her naked." He set his glass down with a definitive click of finality.  
  
"Really?" Akira and Soujiro looked eager to hear more. (Though really, Soujiro was more relieved that he was no longer the one being cross- examined), "Tell us more! What happened?"  
  
"That's it." Rui shrugged, "She was unconscious at the time."  
  
Soujiro slapped his head in dismay. That was so typically Rui.  
  
Now Rui looked faintly annoyed. "Haven't you guys heard this before? Shigeru's hotsprings?"  
  
Akira shook his head, "No. Remember Tsukasa didn't want to talk about that trip. Ever."  
  
"Oh." Rui sighed, and in what, for him, was an epic speech, explained, "Tsukushi fainted in the spring, I rescued her. End of story."  
  
Akira sighed, "Rui are you sure you're really a man? Nothing else, ever?"  
  
"Akira, why are you pestering Rui? You know what Tsukushi's like. Anyway, when are you going to tell us about Your new girlfriend?" Soujiro poured himself another drink.  
  
But, Akira's mind was stuck in a single track.  
  
"And why is it I'm the only one still calling her 'Makino'? do I have to sleep with her too, before I get to use her first name?"  
  
"Oh shit!" Soujiro muttered, as Rui suddenly focused in on him. "Akira, If Tsukushi doesn't kill you for mentioning that, then I will."  
  
"Oh fuck, I did it again" Akira looked contritely guilty, staring into his glass as if the liquor contained therein could tell him the source of his folly. "Sorry."  
  
"Again?! you idiot! Who else did you tell?" Soujiro sighed, "And you wonder why she doesn't let you get too familiar."  
  
"Hmmm." Rui's eyes narrowed and grew cold, as he seemed to try to peer into Soujiro's soul.  
  
"If you're going to say something, Rui, then just say it!" Soujiro tossed back his entire glass of scotch in one gulp. "I can't take any more of this 'hmmming,' and 'mmmming' and why the hell do you keep looking at me like that?"  
  
"Err," Akira glanced nervously at the line of empty glasses in front of Soujiro, "Are you two sure you don't want to talk about it some other time?"  
  
"I didn't want to at all, Akira." Soujiro growled, "And I'm really not in the mood to justify myself, again. You keep sounding like you're accusing me of something. And now Rui's giving me the evil eye. I didn't come here to put up with this shit. I thought I came out for a relaxing evening with my friends. I guess I was wrong." Pushing moodily, and a bit unsteadily, to his feet, Soujiro prepared to leave.  
  
Great, just great, all the effort he'd put into maintaining his emotional equilibrium was completely shot.  
  
Rui looked like he'd finally decided on what he wanted to say, but Soujiro interrupted before he could even open his mouth, "Akira, you brought it up. You explain it. . . I'll talk to you Monday." Turning abruptly away, he headed for the door. There, he paused briefly to wrap his arm around the waist of an attractive girl, whisper a few enticing words in her ear, and lead her off, giggling , to the nearest hotel.  
  
Akira was left to shrug helplessly, and smile guiltily at Rui. "Sorry about that. Soujiro hasn't been feeling well recently, I think it's left him on edge."  
  
"Mmmm. . . ." Rui rested his chin between his hands. When he spoke at last, his voice was dangerously calm, as if, instead of feeling nothing, Rui was putting all his strength into not showing just what was going through his head. "So tell me what you were referring to." If anything, he was more upset than Tsukasa at the increasing evidence of Tsukushi's growing friendship with Soujiro.  
  
"Ah. So, you remember. . . ." Akira hastily tried to explain the story he'd heard from Soujiro and Tsukushi.. . . "And that's it. She says nothing happened, really, and you know what she's like. It must be true. . . ." Akira was trying to soothe Rui, but he failed to understand why Rui was looking increasingly pained.  
  
"She turned me away. She chose to confide in Soujiro; the man whose come- hither smile always used to make her flinch, a boy whom she never took seriously. She trusted Soujiro more than Me." Rui growled silently. The sting of this rejection was worse than the pain he'd ever felt over losing Tsukushi to Tsukasa. At least then, he'd always known that Tsukushi needed him to confide in, to give her strength when her fights with Tsukasa got to be too much. But now. . . . What happens now? Was it only because he'd come on too strong after Tsukasa'd hurt her? Probably. Rui tried to convince himself that this aberrant behavior was just one of Tsukushi's warped defense mechanisms. But there was only one way to find out.  
  
He had to go speak to her himself. Whether or not she wanted to see him. Rui needed an answer.  
  
To be continued.  
  
erk, akira's really an ass in this. I didn't mean to do that. Oh well. Next time: what's rui going to say?? And soujiro angsts more. Yay! 


	16. talk to me

So I'm supposed to do what with this chapter? Rui and Tsukushi? Ummm. . . . shit. (stares blankly at keyboard) I feel so inadequate! I am unworthy of your reviews and expectations!!.. ok, enough of that. I actually just meant to apologize that there probably won't be another chapter before I go for vacation. I meant to write the other night, but post exam burnout hit and I went to make doughnuts instead. Mmm.. boilling oil burns. Err. Coherency. Right.  
  
Soujiro woke late the next afternoon with a terrible hangover. Groaning miserably, he rolled out of bed. Despite the dimness of the hotel room in which he found himself, Soujiro squinted painfully, as if searing rays of light were piercing his eyeballs. Fortunately, the girl he'd picked up, whatever her name might have been, seemed to have left earlier in the day. Soujiro grimaced at the memory of last night. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea to try to forget the impending fight with Rui in the warm embraces of some luscious female. Sure the sex had been ok, but in his half- drunk post-coital state, Soujiro's mood turned maudlin, and he'd wanted to cuddle the sleepy woman beside him. She'd merely rolled away, muttering incoherently about needing space while she slept. Soujiro had been disappointed. After giving her what might be the best sex she'd ever have, the woman wouldn't give him what he wanted. Such was the unfairness of life.  
  
Tripping over his discarded clothes, Soujiro found a note, "Had to go to work. Missing you already. Call me sometime," with a scribbled number beneath. He crumpled the slip of paper and threw it in the trash disgustedly. Dressing slowly, to avoid the skull-splitting pain that throbbed with each movement of his head, Soujiro prepared to face what was left of the day. As he exited the room, he slipped on his sunglasses to avoid the seemingly blinding glare of the hall lights. (Luckily, he was used to hangovers and never left home without this one critical accessory). Cursing against the bright sunlight - well, really just a hazy glow-in the street outside, Soujiro wondered what to do with the rest of the day.  
  
He was in a miserable mood again. He could call Akira and find out if Rui had said anything after he'd left last night, but he doubted that would be useful. Soujiro knew as well as any of the rest of the F4, just how incomprehensible Rui's thought processes and non sequiturs could be.  
  
Perhaps, he should just go home and go sleep some more.  
  
Actually, what he really wanted to do was to call Tsukushi, and talk to her before Rui had a chance to. But, he didn't think that was a good idea.  
  
Soujiro reminded himself again of his vow not to hang around Tsukushi. The last thing he needed to do was to provoke more trouble. But she would cheer him up. Somehow, she always did.  
  
"This is not good." Soujiro muttered to himself, "What the hell am I doing getting all dependent on this one dense, uncute, unpolished, working girl? It doesn't make any sense. Why can't I like a girl from my own class? I'm an utter idiot. And why now? I never really noticed her as a real person until recently. She was always just 'the Girl Tsukasa likes,' 'the girl Rui likes,' and 'Tsukasa's girlfriend.' Sure, we did stuff with her, and talked to her, but we never really tried to understand her before. Why am I now? I should have listened to Akira-We're Tsukasa's friends, damn it! I'm supposed to stand by him. If they're not a couple any more, and if she's not with Rui either, than she's not my concern! I can't fall for her. No good can possibly come of it. Even if I did, I'd be a fool to think that Tsukushi would ever trade Tsukasa or Rui for me. After all, I know how little respect she has for my habits. And how could I possibly like a virgin-girl who flees at the mere mention of sex? Hell, how can we even be friends? I'm not a good man; not the kind of man someone like her needs."  
  
Soujiro desperately tried to deny the little conversations and intimate moments he and Tsukushi had shared in recent weeks. "It meant nothing! She just felt sorry for me, like some little pet project." And, "I don't need her! Any warm body would do!" But even as he berated himself, he could not help but remember that Tsukushi was the only girl he knew now who refused to see him as the rich, handsome playboy he was. She didn't flirt, didn't tease, or preen. She told him things, as if his opinion mattered. She even recognized that he had a brain beneath the pretty face. And, she did care, no matter how he might try to convince himself otherwise. Soujiro could not help but remember her willingness to just sit with him in silence when he didn't feel like talking, didn't feel like being witty, or social-when he just didn't want to be alone.  
  
Sure, Tsukushi could be irritating, with her unbelievable naivete and sudden switches between unselfconscious, socially inappropriate outbursts, and the embarrassed anger that so often followed these events. But she meant well, and she had calmed down considerably in the time that he'd known her. And, maybe she wasn't so easily hurt as he feared. After all, she seemed to be resilient enough to withstand the emotional trauma that dating Tsukasa had entailed. Maybe, he was only afraid of hurting her, because he, himself, was afraid of getting hurt.  
  
"Fuck it!" Soujiro cursed as he realized which way his thoughts were trending again. "This is getting me nowhere. I'm not this indecisive!"  
  
Unconsciously, his fingers had made his decision for him, and had already begun dialing Tsukushi's number.  
  
Oh well, Soujiro shrugged, he may as well just take events as they came. Things really couldn't get that much more fucked up, could they?  
  
And still, even as he hit 'send,' conflicting emotions warred within his skull. All he'd seen in his life was that love brought pain and suffering- he wanted to avoid it at all costs. But then, when he was with Tsukushi, he felt calm, less alone, cared for-indeed, almost happy. Which path to take? And why, oh why, did it have to be Tsukushi he felt this way about?  
  
"Hello?" After several rings, Tsukushi answered her phone, sounding slightly out of breath.  
  
"Hey, working girl."  
  
"Hi Soujiro!" Tsukushi blurted, "Look, I'm really sorry about calling you last night-I didn't know you were busy! I hope I didn't interrupt anything!"  
  
"Ah.. . . " This, Soujiro had not expected, "Errr, no, not really. I was just out with Rui and Akira.  
  
"Oh! Ok!" Tsukushi was much relieved. "How are they?"  
  
Soujiro knew she meant, "How's Rui?" He could hear it in the way she chirped with such forced brightness. She was so easy to read. So he replied as casually as he could; disguising how he felt about the whole thing,  
  
"Rui misses you."  
  
There was a long pause. Finally, Tsukushi continued in a sadder, more regretful tone, "Is he doing ok?"  
  
"Yeah, he's coping." Soujiro pointedly did not add, "but he's angry with me." He did however remember one more point, "Oh yeah, and I should warn you-Akira told him about, you know. . . ."  
  
"Oh." Tsukushi's reply was hardly more than a whisper, "What did he say?"  
  
"Err. . . Nothing. He just sat there. And then I left."  
  
"Oh." Tsukushi replied after another pause. "And you? How are you doing? You don't sound too good."  
  
Trust Tsukushi to be able to tell, even over the phone. "Ah, I just drank too much. Not enough sleep."  
  
"Riiiight. . . . " Tsukushi sounded skeptical.  
  
". . . Anyway," Soujiro continued hastily, "Are you doing anything today? There's this new movie I wanted to check out, and I didn't feel like going alone. . . "  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry," Tsukushi was apologetic, "I promised Kazuya I'd go to the amusement park with him."  
  
Indeed, just then, Soujiro heard a familiar childish voice in the background, "Tsukushi-chan! Come on! We're going to be late! Hey, who're you talking to? Let's go!"  
  
Soujiro sighed inaudibly. He wondered if Tsukushi was aware that Kazuya surely considered this a date. Probably not, knowing her.  
  
"Besides," Tsukushi continued teasingly, "I'd be afraid of what you might try in a dark theater! I'm sure you can find some other girl willing to risk your wandering hands!"  
  
Soujiro pouted, "Tsukushi. . . .you wound me! I'd never take advantage of a situation like that!"  
  
"Hmph." Tsukushi snorted in disbelief. "I've really got to go. See you tomorrow? Are you coming to school?"  
  
"Yeah." Soujiro agreed absentmindedly.  
  
"Ok then, bye!" Tsukushi hung up.  
  
"I can't believe I just lost out to Kazuya" Soujiro mumbled to the disconnected phone. How utterly pathetic. Well, at least he did feel somewhat better after hearing her voice. Not that that helped his dilemma any. But he'd take what comfort he could get.  
  
Soujiro finished the long walk home, wrapped in his inner thoughts. Upon his arrival, he headed straight to bed. Some days just weren't worth staying awake for. Especially days that began with a hangover this bad.  
  
----  
  
Monday morning dawned hazy and unseasonably warm. As usual, students trickled into Eitoku, on foot, or in expensive automobiles or limousines as proximity and wealth allowed. At the school gates, in the hallways, and in classrooms, various knots of teens clustered together to begin their day with the usual round of weekend gossip and tales of social one-upmanship.  
  
Tsukushi passed by them all, hoping, without much real expectation of hopes fulfilled, that none of the fresh round of flying rumors involved her.  
  
"Tsukushi-chan!" The high-pitched hyper-excitable tones of Kazuya jerked her from her social isolation. Automatically, Tsukushi smiled, and responded in kind.  
  
"Kazuya! Good morning!"  
  
"Tsukushi! Did you hear about Sanjo's party Friday?? Are you going?"  
  
"Eh?" Tsukushi was confused. She was sure that when Sakurako had invited her, she hadn't mentioned anything about inviting the whole school. 'A small birthday party-just my friends' she'd said. Well, then, it wasn't terribly surprising if she'd changed her mind. The girl didn't really have that many friends, after all. "I suppose I have go, don't I?" It's too much to hope for that she didn't invite Doumyouji, isn't it?  
  
"Oh good!" Kazuya was completely oblivious to the weary resignation in Tsukushi's tone. "Wanna go with me?"  
  
Well, I was going to get Yuki to come keep me company, but I guess Kazuya will be almost as good as a distraction. Tsukushi thought.  
  
"Ok," she smiled, once more totally unaware of the rapturous joy dancing behind Kazuya's eyes. His Tsukushi-chan was going to be his date for the party! He bounded off to class ecstatically, leaving Tsukushi to sink back into her own musings.  
  
----  
  
Off among her own cluster of bitch-fiends, Asai was angling for any ammunition she could use in her campaign to destroy Makino once and for all.  
  
"Didn't she do anything worthy of smearing around? Anything at all?"  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't watch her all weekend." one girl yawned, "I mean, really! My boyfriend was taking me out to dinner, and afterwards- well, you know what he's like in bed! I wasn't going to give that up, just to watch that stupid strumpet for you!"  
  
This earned the poor girl a vicious slap from Asai. "Useless! You're all fucking useless!" she snarled furiously, glaring at one of the more dimwitted of her acquaintances.  
  
This unfortunate bimbo blinked dimly back at Asai. "Did you say you wanted dirt on Makino?" she asked tentatively.  
  
"Idiot! What do you think! . . . Yes!"  
  
"I. . . I thought perhaps you'd gotten tired of that game?" The girl whispered almost inaudibly. . .  
  
"I'm surrounded by incompetents! Did you have something or not, you stupid girl?"  
  
"Well, actually. . . I don't know?" Seeing the storm clouds gathering in Asai's eyes, the poor bimbo hurried on, "Umm, see, a few weeks ago, I was passing through the garden, and I overheard Nishikado and Mimasaka talking about a bet to see who could seduce Makino? Do you think that might be helpful? I wasn't sure. I mean it's not something she did? See. . . " She trailed off uncertainly as Asai began to smirk most evilly.  
  
Now this she could use. If she worked it right, it would be the perfect opportunity to crush both Makino and that asshole Nishikado while she was at it. Now, when-- and how-was the perfect time to strike?  
  
----  
  
The noon hour finally found Tsukushi ensconced outside in her usual spot on the stairs. She was especially grateful for the warm weather today, as Asai had been casting the most unsettlingly gloating glances at her all morning, and Tsukushi needed to escape before they drove her insane. At least out here she could sit in peace and try to figure out what nasty surprise the bitch had in store for her this time.  
  
Actually, Tsukushi found herself drifting off to sleep in the sun-warmed solitude of the stairs. Running around with Kazuya yesterday must have tired her out more than she'd thought.  
  
Her restful reverie was interrupted by a shadow falling across her face. Half expecting to find Soujiro standing at the top of the stairs blocking her sunlight. Tsukushi opened her eyes with a smile already forming on her lips.  
  
The smile dimmed uncertainly, shot back to full wattage, and fell again, all in a space of about a second, as Tsukushi took in the fact that it wasn't Soujiro standing there (the smile faded), but Rui (full power), and he looked. . . upset? Sad? Angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Tsukushi settled for Intense, after failing to define quite what it was that was so disconcerting about that expression (and the smile flickered, failed, was replaced with hesitance).  
  
"Hanazawa Rui." Tsukushi greeted, not even sure what it was about his still form that drove her to such formality.  
  
He merely stood there watching her face run through its gamut of emotions.  
  
"Ah. . Have a seat!. . . How are you doing?" Tsukushi stammered, unable to quite say the thought that bubbled to the surface of her mind. . . It's lonely here without you. I missed you. . . .  
  
Maybe Rui could see some of this written in her eyes. He was after all, almost a mind reader. He took slight pity on her discomfort, and sat. Still, he said nothing. Merely watched, his face still etched with that unfathomable melange of melancholy emotions.  
  
"Fine then!" If he's going to be stubborn, so can I be! Tsukushi slumped back against the wall, and studiously attempted to ignore Rui's piercing gaze.  
  
From time to time, she'd glance up, only to be met by the electric jolt of his marbled eyes. Was it. . . longing she read therein? Tsukushi would blush hotly, and look away, only to be drawn back once more. Now did he look forlorn or discontent? "Rui! Why are you here?" She wanted to scream, to plead at him to answer. . . No, Tsukushi was not, nor had ever been, a huge fan of the communications of silence.  
  
Still, she stubbornly said nothing. He'd come here. He could damned well make the opening move in this game. Acutely Tsukushi recalled Soujiro's warning from yesterday, "Akira told him about. . . you, know. ." Was that it? Was that the only reason he'd finally come back to school to see her? Tsukushi blushed even more crimson than before, unable to even try to meet Rui's eyes. Though actually, why was she blushing? If that was his only reason for coming here, it was totally lame! Tsukushi scowled through her blush.  
  
----  
  
Speaking of the devil, as it were, where was Soujiro at this moment? Tsukushi had supposed he would at least join her for lunch. She'd even brought him a box lunch, just in case, though now it was looking increasingly like it might go uneaten, unless she were to give it to Rui . . .  
  
Actually, Soujiro had been coming to see her; drawn by the same irresistible compulsion that had made him call her yesterday, but he'd been intercepted. And luckily so. As Soujiro had been striding down the empty hallways to the emergency exit, Akira had popped up at his elbow, almost as if from out of nowhere.  
  
"You don't want to do that," He'd said, linking his arm through his friend's and spinning them both around.  
  
"Eh what?" Dizzily, Soujiro blinked.  
  
"I said, you don't want to go there."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Don't play dumb. Look, I came with Rui. He's out there now."  
  
"Oh." Soujiro replied as nonchalantly as possible, letting Akira pull him in the opposite direction from his desire.  
  
"You want to listen? Could be interesting," Akira asked conspiratorially, wrapping an arm over Soujiro's shoulder and whispering in his ear.  
  
"Why are you so cheerful today?" Soujiro scowled into Akira's manic grin.  
  
"Dude! This is drama!" Akira giggled.  
  
"You're drunk!"  
  
"No, no." Akira shook his head, "It's just, when was the last time you saw Rui showing expression? It's the chance of a lifetime!"  
  
"Yeah well, you seem to forget, that that emotion is directed against me," Soujiro elbowed Akira in the ribs.  
  
"That's why we're going to eavesdrop, not confront! Remember? Besides, don't you want to know what he's going to say?" Akira guided a bemused Soujiro downstairs and around to a slight alcove beneath the stairs, where, if you listened carefully, you could hear everything that went on above, and yet not been seen. It was a mystery to all concerned, how Tsukushi could still be unaware of the existence of this clandestine listening post. But there you were-some people just weren't that observant-especially dense girls like Tsukushi.  
  
With her unerring nose for brewing mischief, Sakurako had already beat the duo here.  
  
"Shh!!" she whispered, "I haven't heard anything yet. Just a lot of silence."  
  
That could be a really good sign, or a really bad one, depending.  
  
----  
  
Up above, Tsukushi had just begun her scowl, when Rui finally broke his silence.  
  
"Why are you doing that terrible thing with your face?"  
  
"What?" Tsukushi gaped.  
  
"The scowl. Doesn't suit you at all."  
  
"I don't feel like smiling"  
  
"You did before."  
  
"Well, and you're one to talk? What're you doing staring at me like that in the first place? It's upsetting!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you don't say anything! I don't know what you want! Why don't you talk to me?"  
  
"Why?" Not the right answer, not the question that was asked.  
  
Or was it?  
  
----  
  
Down below, the listening trio traded disbelieving glances.  
  
"This is how those two communicate?" Sakurako whispered.  
  
"That's Tsukushi," "That's Rui," Akira and Soujiro shrugged simultaneously. But only Soujiro seemed to realize that Tsukushi had answered Rui's question. Actually, if he thought about it, he could see that her answer embodied all that was really wrong between herself and either Rui or Tsukasa. He didn't bother to share his opinion with the other two however, and merely turned back to listen more attentively to the sitting on the stair above.  
  
----  
  
"Rui! Don't do this!" Tsukushi was saying. But she could not stem the steady stream of words that fell from his lips like tears.  
  
"Haven't I always been there for you? Who was it who always came for you when you needed strength? I was always there to save you from yourself, from Tsukasa. You know I'd never hurt you; not like him. Where did I go wrong this time? What happened? Why wouldn't you let me in? How could you send me away for Soujiro? Wasn't it enough? When has he ever cared for you? When has he cared for anyone?  
  
"Tsukushi, I love you. You taught me that it was ok to care about others- but the only one I want to care about is you-why is that wrong?" His voice was low and urgent, the words remarkably coherent for Rui, the master of non-linear thought.  
  
That didn't make it any easier on Tsukushi. "At least he's not yelling like Tsukasa." was the first thought that came to mind, quickly followed by, "I knew this, but somehow-hearing it makes it harder." If only Rui had spoken to her more before, then perhaps, just perhaps, things might not have turned out this way. For the overwhelming problem with Rui was his unknowability. The habit he had of acting unpredictably-sure, he may have had reasons, but since he wasn't sharing them with the rest of the world, it amounted to nothing. You never knew when he might kiss you one minute, or walk away the next. What irritated him, what made him happy? What did he really value? It was so hard to tell. Tsukushi knew he valued her-in some ways it felt as though he considered her to be 'his,' as if by right of being the first to notice her, the first to win her heart. But she didn't know if he could feel that way about anyone else, or even how much he valued his friends. In so many ways, Rui was still more of a mystery than any of the other members of the F4.  
  
"Rui. . ." Oh god, what am I supposed to say? He's almost my best friend. But. . .  
  
"Tsukushi, can't we start over again? Tell me where it went wrong? At least tell me why you sent me away!" Rui was pleading now.  
  
Tsukushi steeled herself. No good could come of this. No way to say what they both knew to be true without inflicting pain. There was a reason why Tsukushi had so far avoided saying the words.  
  
"Rui, I . . . I don't want you to always be coming after me. To always be protecting me from Doumyouji, from myself. . . "  
  
"But," Rui interrupted, "You need me! You always act without thinking, going off unprepared to face the consequences of your acts. What about that time in New York? What would you have done if I hadn't come for you? You'd probably have gotten mugged, killed even! Or, when you almost drowned at Shigeru's. You would rather I hadn't saved you then? Foolish woman! Why can't you admit you need me?"  
  
"I don't want to be saved all the time!" Tsukushi shot back. She had to make herself yell, as Rui's earnest voice ate away at her defenses. "How am I supposed to learn, to be able to get by on my own, if you're always there looking out for me? Because someday, you won't be-and I need to know how to work through my own mistakes before that happens."  
  
"I'll always be there for you" Rui's low-voiced reply almost drove Tsukushi to tears.  
  
"No you won't be! Nothing lasts forever. Love doesn't last! . . . Rui, I love you like a brother, but I can't be the person you want me to be. I can't go back to that, ever. Not anymore. And some time, you'll realize that too, and move on. What then?"  
  
Rui looked almost as though his heart might break-if it was not already broken. But he continued, nevertheless, "How can you say that? Haven't I stood by you always, though I knew you loved Tsukasa-even when you, yourself wouldn't admit it? I love you because you are who you are. I wouldn't want you to be any other way. Just. . . ."  
  
"Just what, Rui? Can't you see, you're only torturing yourself? You know why I didn't want you around? It's because I can't stand to see you doing this to yourself. To us." Tsukushi really was crying now, "Can't you see, it's no good! I like you too much to let you hurt yourself so. It's not fair to you, when I come crying to you after I fight with Tsukasa-I mean, what are you supposed to think? How are you supposed to feel when I come to you looking for a way to make it all better? When you pull me back together and send me back to him? It's pathological. As if you somehow think that by doing so, I'll change my mind and come back to you."  
  
"You don't understand." Rui's reply was harsh, though his voice was still quiet, "I worry about you. I can't stand to see you hurting. Why can't I be the one to make you happy?"  
  
"I understand perfectly!" Tsukushi cried, "And the answer is the same! Because I love you, but not the same way I loved Tsukasa! You need to move on! And I can't let myself rely on you, because it'll just hold both of us back!"  
  
"Then what about Soujiro? What are you doing with him?" Rui attacked from a new angle.  
  
"What about him? He's nice to talk to. I don't have to worry about him getting jealous of Tsukasa. He listens, without feeling like he has to go and do something about it! He doesn't think he has to go save me from myself, like you do!" Tsukushi paused for breath. "Is that what this is about? You're jealous of him?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You and Tsukasa both! What is wrong with you? He's just a friend!"  
  
"He likes you."  
  
"You're kidding," Tsukushi was disconcerted by the direction this conversation was taking. She'd expected Rui to be hurt by her words-what she hadn't expected was for him to pull a Tsukasa and use Soujiro as a scapegoat for their own interpersonal issues. "Soujiro only likes beautiful bimbos. We're just friends."  
  
"You slept with him."  
  
"I've slept with you."  
  
"You trust him."  
  
"Yes." Tsukushi couldn't meet his eyes.  
  
"You don't trust me anymore."  
  
Tsukushi shook her head mutely. Just a fraction of an inch, but it was enough  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You already know." Tsukushi couldn't say it again, that she didn't trust him because he loved her too well.  
  
"Is there anything left to say?"  
  
"Rui. . . . I'm sorry. . . I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"I know." His voice was sad. Sadder than she'd ever heard it, "I'd better leave."  
  
Tsukushi bowed her head between her knees to hide her tears. It wasn't supposed to be like this! Why did she always end up hurting her friends so much?  
  
"Even if you give up on me, Tsukushi, I'll still be here for you. I can't change the way I feel, any more than you can."  
  
Tsukushi could not reply. What was there to say?  
  
Quietly, Rui stood up. He paused a moment, looking down at Tsukushi's crumpled form. Stooping swiftly, he brushed a light kiss across the top of her head, before slouching off down the stairs.  
  
Tsukushi remained immobile. She hadn't thought it could hurt so much. Casing Rui pain left her almost as wrung-out as her fights with Tsukasa. And it was almost worse that Rui hadn't yelled, had hardly raised his voice at all-hadn't even seemed angry-just sad-so very sad. She pulled her knees in closer to her chest and let the tears fall harder while sobs like great gasps wrenched free from her lungs.  
  
Crouched in her fetal position, Tsukushi didn't even move when at last the bell rang for the end of lunch, or yet later when it rang again, signaling the end of the school day. It was not until the light began to fade and the cold autumnal chill settled over her, that Tsukushi finally pulled herself together enough to creep home, and crawl into bed.  
  
----  
  
In their hiding spot beneath the stairs, the three eavesdroppers had listened keenly to the heated words above. Sakurako stated at Soujiro with wide eyes, "So you did sleep with her!"  
  
"Not like that!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because she's not a beautiful bimbo like you?" Akira suggested sweetly.  
  
"Oh you're really one to talk," Sakurako snarled, "I seem to recall a certain piece of your anatomy comparing unfavorably in size to this," she held up one delicate pinky finger.  
  
Giggling guiltily, Soujiro hushed the two before they broke out into a full- blown fight. "Shh.I want to hear what they have to say!"  
  
". . . .So is he angry with me or not?" Soujiro gave up at last, and asked.  
  
Akira and Sakurako merely shrugged. "Who knows? He doesn't even sound angry with Tsukushi anymore."  
  
"I think he's disappointed," Sakurako opined. "Shh.. he's coming this way."  
  
Fortunately, Rui was too wrapped up in whatever his own inner thoughts might have been to notice the trio hiding in the shadows.  
  
From above, the faint sounds of Tsukushi's sobs filtered through to Soujiro's ears. His feet itched to bring him up those steps to sit by her.  
  
However, Akira noticed his friend's eyes drifting Tsukushi-wards, and grabbed his arm roughly.  
  
"Don't. You want to make things worse?"  
  
"No." Soujiro shook his head.  
  
"Then don't do it, man. Right now, you're probably the last person she needs to see."  
  
"He's right." Sakurako piped up, "Short of Tsukasa at least. Do you really have a thing for her too? What is it about her that draws you guys? She's not very attractive."  
  
Neither boy dignified that last comment with an answer. Someday, they hoped Sakurako would get over her obsession with her own tailor-made looks. Obviously, that day was not today.  
  
"Let's go drink." Akira suggested instead.  
  
And so, with one last regretful glance up at the stairway, Soujiro followed his friend away from where Tsukushi sat alone.  
  
To be continued. . . 


	17. right or wrong?

Angst is so much fun to write. The great thing about situations where several guys are after one girl, is that unless she's into orgies or multiplicatives, somebody always gets to suffer. What fun! The world is a cruel cruel place.  
  
I'm back from vacation, so here's a new chapter. Luckily I got most of it written right before I left, so I can post it today despite not yet being recovered from a bad hangover plus an all day travel day. Whoo!   
  
*****  
  
As it is wont to do, Tuesday followed Monday.  
  
But really, it just wasn't a day worth talking about. As was to be expected, Tsukushi was miserable. She painfully dragged herself to school, and to work, and home at last. She hadn't paid any attention in class. Her manager at the burger shop had bitched her out repeatedly for her sudden lapses and catatonic starts. And, at home, even Susumu's pleading hadn't been able to drag his sister out of her funk. The F4, of course, were nowhere to be found. Tsukasa was still tied up at home, Akira was keeping a close eye on Soujiro-he didn't want his friend interfering with Tsukushi, and Rui was undoubtedly licking his emotional wounds in private.  
  
All in all, the less said about Tuesday, the better.  
  
----  
  
A living hell doesn't last forever, and Tuesday passed inevitably into Wednesday. It was an ugly morning. Cold rain drizzled drearily from dark clouds, and gusty wind blew it sharply into Tsukushi's face as she trudged to school. There were, at this moment, few places she'd less rather be. Unfortunately, her opinions on this mattered not at all. So here she was, rain splattered and cold, shivering in the pallid florescent glow of the classroom lights. Miserably, she tried to listen to whatever the professor was droning about. If there was any class less easy to pay attention to than composition, Tsukushi didn't know what it might be; who the hell cared about Saussurian theory? As the teacher blithered on about the linked concepts of 'sign,' 'signifier,' and 'signified,' Tsukushi kept finding her own thought revolving repeatedly around what she'd said to Rui. And what he'd said to her.  
  
Sometimes, she thought her head was spinning so fast she might be ill. She certainly hadn't been able to stomach the thought of food yesterday, or this morning. She'd hardly even been able to bring herself to pack Susumu's lunch, much less her own.  
  
Tsukushi stared into space. She felt as though she'd been dishonest with Rui somehow. But how could that be? She told him what she thought was the truth about her feelings. He knew it to be true that she adored him, but only as a friend. So, that wasn't it. And she was equally convinced that she'd not lied about her friendship with Soujiro. No, the nausea that washed through her came from something else. The fact that she'd said, or at least implied, that She could never leave Tsukasa for Rui because she loved Tsukasa too well.  
  
She wasn't sure if that were actually true anymore.  
  
And it was killing her.  
  
Even more than the clawing guilt that tore her insides apart for being cruel to Rui, the very idea that she might love Tsukasa even a fraction less than what she had done, was coming close to destroying her.  
  
How could she not still love Tsukasa? Was she weakening simply because she hadn't seen him in weeks? What could possibly have brought about this paradigm shift?  
  
She was afraid to even think about it too long, lest the thinking make the idea more of a reality.  
  
But Tsukushi could not stop the frantic workings of her mind, no matter how she tried.  
  
Eventually, class stumbled to its conclusion for the morning, and the other students left for lunch. Tsukushi might not even have noticed the end of the lecture, had it not been for the vicious kicks to her chair Asai and each of her friends delivered on their way out the door. Slowly, Tsukushi came to her feet at last, and dragged herself to the lunch room, to curl up, alone, in her usual corner. Surprisingly, Akira and Soujiro were actually in school today. They were eating at another table, surrounded by the usual coterie of girls.  
  
Apparently, Akira had decided it would be a good idea to make a longer appearance in school for once, to make sure everyone still understood the supremacy of the F4, or at least the F2, as the case might be. He'd actually invited Rui to come too, to help kick a little ass after lunch, but the boy had yet to make an appearance. Not that Rui often bothered to participate in the boys' dominance games, but sometimes the reminder of his presence and membership in F4 was needed. Indeed, towards the end of the lunch break, he silently slouched in, as if just now remembering his responsibilities.  
  
"Oh good," Akira nodded at the silent boy. "I was wondering when you'd show."  
  
"Yeah," Soujiro chimed in, pretending he hadn't, in fact, spent most of the lunch period fighting the impulse to sneak a look at Tsukushi, "We need you to help settle this debate."  
  
"Which do you think," Akira picked up smoothly from Soujiro, "Should we beat up those three guys? They're only first years, but they've been making arrogant noises about their own coolness." He pointed one manicured finger at a group of giggling boys in the regulation school uniform, "Or those fools over there?" He lazily indicated another cluster of boys. These few had, oh horror of horrors, taken it upon themselves to shed the Eitoku uniform and were lounging around in jeans and T-shirts.  
  
"I voted for the latter," Soujiro interrupted, "Because they're so visible in their disregard for the rules. I mean we're the only ones allowed not to go in uniform!"  
  
"But the first group is more insidiously offensive to the natural order," Akira disagreed.  
  
"Why should I care?" Rui shrugged.  
  
Akira and Soujiro exchanged disgusted looks.  
  
"Let's just get both of them. That should take care of things for a while." Akira stood up.  
  
"Sure whatever," Soujiro was less than thrilled, but certain things were necessary when you were a member of the most powerful elite. You certainly couldn't let the peons forget their places. "Coming Rui?"  
  
Rui looked distant, but he came. After all, he had decided to come to school today in order to seek distraction in the old rituals of F4; to act and try to think as he had before he'd ever met Tsukushi. Perhaps it was infantile to find refuge in callousness and unfeeling aloofness, but it was effective. He too refused to let himself cast a glance in Tsukushi's direction as he followed the other two boys out of the cafeteria. He did wonder, as he watched Akira and Soujiro methodically extract their chosen victims from the café and teach them lessons they'd not soon forget, how it was Tsukushi could now place so much of her trust in a man like Soujiro. A man who could so ruthlessly destroy any perceived competition for his status. But then, perhaps she'd forgotten who the F4 really were. Then again, Tsukasa was the same way. If he'd been here, he would have been the most violent of any of them. Ok, so maybe it wasn't such a mystery after all.  
  
By the time lunch period was over, Soujiro and Akira had completed their work, and were lounging in the hallway nursing bruised knuckles.  
  
"Damn it, I think I lost skin on the last one." Soujiro moaned, "Rui, you could have helped!"  
  
"What would have been the point? Don't you think we're getting a bit old for this?" Actually, Rui was nursing a secret bit of glee that the last group of boys had fought back enough to do Soujiro some damage before finally being subdued.  
  
"I need a drink." Soujiro muttered, intent on ignoring Rui's comment.  
  
"Good idea," Akira agreed, "I think we're done here for a while. Let's go," He half suspected that Rui would like to take his unhappiness out on Soujiro. Sure, Rui looked calm, and didn't sound mad at all, but it was always good to be on the safe side with these sorts of things. Why else had Akira tried to keep Soujiro away from Tsukushi if not to prevent Rui (or Tsukasa-whichever) from getting more upset? Quickly, to forestall any trouble that might be forthcoming, he grabbed Rui by the elbow and started hauling him off in the direction of the school gates, leaving Soujiro to follow.  
  
He would have been better off grabbing Soujiro. After all, Akira's concern was fairly misplaced, Rui was depressed more than angry. How could he blame Soujiro for being himself and trying to seduce Tsukushi (That was how he saw it-how else could it be?) He could only be sad that Tsukushi saw something there that drew her closer. No, Rui would save his anger for when Soujiro let her down, as he was bound to. How could a playboy like him ever understand Tsukushi or give her what she needed?  
  
Rui let himself be led off docilely.  
  
Soujiro, on the other hand, tarried a moment, as throngs of students poured from the cafeteria on their way to afternoon class.  
  
As the stream began to slow to a trickle, he finally saw Tsukushi slowly making her way towards the exit. It was about damned time she came out! He'd have to hurry, otherwise Akira might notice he'd vanished.  
  
---  
  
Tsukushi looked up, startled, as a lean arm draped over her shoulder.  
  
"You haven't been taking your own advice," a low voice murmured in her ear. There was no need to wonder who it was. "Are you trying to starve yourself? Have you eaten today?"  
  
Tsukushi looked at the wall, at the floor, anywhere but into Soujiro's worried eyes. "I can't."  
  
"Not the correct answer." Soujiro was firm, "When do you start work today?"  
  
"Eh?" Sudden conversational shifts always took Tsukushi by surprise, "Not till four."  
  
"Good. You've got time for lunch after school then. I'll meet you at the school gate?"  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"Irrelevant. Weren't you the one who said you got to keep your strength up no matter what?"  
  
Tsukushi was too depressed to flare up at him as she would normally have done. Instead she just shrank back against the wall, "Leave me alone, Soujiro."  
  
"You don't really want me to do that," he cajoled instead, "Come on, It's a shitty day outside, I bet a hot bowl of udon would do you good."  
  
Tsukushi sighed, "You're not going to let me leave without saying yes, are you?"  
  
"Nope!" He grinned, "How'd you guess? So are you going to let me feed you now?"  
  
Now I know what he felt like when I did this to him, Tsukushi thought. All right then, fair's fair. "Yes mother," she replied with a sarcasm she didn't really feel.  
  
"Good!" Soujiro smiled happily. It's really the least I can do. Releasing Tsukushi, he started to hurry off to where Akira and Rui were surely waiting-hopefully without realizing where he'd gone to. Turing one last time, he flashed Tsukushi a teasing smile. "Just don't Ever expect me to actually cook for you!" he called with a wave.  
  
Tsukushi almost managed a weak attempt at a smile in return. She didn't quite succeed, but it didn't matter; Soujiro had already vanished around the corner.  
  
"Should I have said yes?" Tsukushi wondered miserably. "Somehow I feel like more of a traitor to Rui, now. Could what he said possibly be true? Could Soujiro actually like me?"  
  
"No!" She negated this thought with a violent shake of her head, "He's just returning the favor I did for him. That's all!" A nagging voice whispered in her skull, "Then why did he seem so happy that you agreed to eat with him?" A fresh wave of nausea roiled her stomach, "And more importantly, why did you feel happy that he cared?"  
  
Not wanting to face the answers to these questions, Tsukushi tried her hardest to lose herself in the afternoon lesson. She didn't have much success.  
  
----  
  
Akira, Soujiro, and Rui spent the remainder of the school day holed up in a local bar. Akira was trying to cheer Rui up by getting him drunk. Rui was morosely downing each drink as it arrived, and surreptitiously eyeing Soujiro in between.  
  
As for Soujiro, he was doing his best to pretend he didn't notice Rui's looks. He waited for the dam to burst. If Rui were Tsukasa, the fists would have been flying already. But with Rui, he didn't know what to expect; hell, he didn't even know if Rui was going to attack him. He certainly couldn't ask, now could he? After all, he wasn't really supposed to know what had been said Monday anyway. . .  
  
Akira was getting tired of the tense silences, and went off to find some attractive girls willing to join their table and flirt with Rui.  
  
The second he left, Rui turned bloodshot eyes towards Soujiro, "Why did you do it?"  
  
Soujiro didn't feel like pretending ignorance, or lying, "It was an accident. You think I wanted this?" He stared at the empty glass on the table in front of him, "You know what she's like. . . I never noticed before. . . And then. . . I did. . . . I wish to god I hadn't."  
  
"You should stay away."  
  
"That's what Akira said. You think I didn't try?"  
  
"Don't you have women enough already?"  
  
"Not like that." Soujiro gestured helplessly, "I know you think she belongs to you. And Tsukasa staked his claim long ago. I tried like hell to back off. But you know the truth? She doesn't belong to anyone but herself!" I don't own her, wouldn't even know what to do with her if I did. But who needs to own that girl's heart when she shares it so freely already?  
  
Rui sighed, and stared searchingly at Soujiro. "I know that." He breathed at last.  
  
"Do you really?" Soujiro was skeptical, "The what business do you have telling me what to do?"  
  
Rui's jaw clenched, "I love her."  
  
"So does Tsukasa. That doesn't mean he knows what's best for her either!" Soujiro shot back, his words fueled by recollections of Tsukushi's late night confessions to him.  
  
"And you do?" Rui looked like he might laugh. Or cry. It was hard to tell.  
  
"No, but I don't claim to."  
  
"Don't you dare hurt her."  
  
Soujiro almost said, "No, that's your job-yours and Tsukasa's". But he held his tongue, barely. Instead he just returned Rui's gaze steadily, and replied, "I don't intend to." He stood up smoothly, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got someplace to be."  
  
"Hey!" Akira was just returning with three gorgeous brunettes in tow, "Where are you going? Let me introduce you to these girls. . ."  
  
"Sorry, man. Maybe some other time." Soujiro nodded and winked at the girls, sending them into a cascade of tinkling little giggles. He shrugged his jacket back on, and slipped out into the rain.  
  
Rui stared morosely after his vanishing figure. He had an idea where the other boy was off to. But what could he do? After all, he had helped create this opportunity for Soujiro. All Rui could do was hope that Soujiro was not simply taking advantage of Tsukushi's weakness.  
  
"Ah well," Akira grinned lopsidedly at Rui, "Let me introduce you to the girls. Maybe they can help teach you some manners." Soon he had the three girls seated around Rui, cooing at his handsome looks and trying to entice him into a kiss. Rui simply looked bored. But it was the best Akira could do for now. He too had somewhere he had to be. "Play nice now!" he grinned, and started to leave, "don't do anything I wouldn't do!"  
  
The girls dutifully gave a giggle, and Rui started out of his daze, "You're leaving?"  
  
"Yeah. Have fun!" Akira sauntered off without a backwards glance. His friends never seemed to appreciate the things he did for them. . .  
  
Rui collapsed back with a snort. Fun? With these annoying bimbos? They made too much noise. Instead, he concentrated on drowning out their incessant giggles and cooings in an inordinate amount of alcohol.  
  
---  
  
Soujiro arrived back at Eitoku to find Tsukushi huddled at the gate beneath a leaky umbrella. With her hair plastered to her scalp by gusting raindrops, and her reddened eyes, she looked for all the world like a drowned rat. Idly, she was drawing patterns in the mud with one soggy foot. She had almost forgotten what it was she was waiting for, or why she was even standing in the rain. The cold greyness surrounded her, seemed to seep through her bones, leaving her vacant, empty. She didn't even look up when Soujiro called her name.  
  
"Tsukushi," He called again, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder. Still, she contemplated the mud beneath her feet.  
  
"Come on girl!" Soujiro exclaimed, "Snap out of it. You look like the walking dead!"  
  
She looked up at last. It was hard to tell if the wet streaks on her cheeks were rain or tears. "I'm a terrible person, Soujiro."  
  
"What you are, is delusional. That's the hunger talking. Let's get out of this rain before you catch a cold on top of it all." Soujiro shifted his hand from Tsukushi's shoulder to the small of her back, intending to propel her forward by force, if necessary.  
  
Numbly, she walked.  
  
Soujiro shifted his arm once more, to a more comfortable resting position around her waist. Unconsciously, Tsukushi leaned closer to his warmth.  
  
And that scared Soujiro more than anything. "She's supposed to freak out right about now." At any second, he half expected her fist to swing up at him as she called him a lecherous bastard. But the fist never came. "She really is messed up bad over Rui. When she can't get mad, she just gets more depressed." he realized, "but I don't know what to do about it."  
  
So, he did exactly what he'd intended to do before. He took her out to lunch.  
  
Seated in a cozy corner of a nearby café with a steaming bowl of noodles in front of her, Tsukushi finally began to snap out of her daze.  
  
"I feel really stupid, You must think I'm an utter stoner." She contemplated her food.  
  
"Nah, s'ok. I shouldn't have kept you waiting."  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
"Oh, umm. . .Well, see. We know what happened with Rui," Soujiro admitted shamefacedly.  
  
"What?!" Tsukushi focused fully on Soujiro at last. "We? Who's we? And how do you know?"  
  
"Err. . . " Soujiro had the grace to blush, as he smiled apologetically, "Akira, Sakurako, and I, ah, happened to overhear. . . "  
  
Tsukushi was turning purple with fury, "Just happened to overhear?! That was a private conversation!"  
  
"Ummm. . . Sorry?" Soujiro shrugged haplessly.  
  
Tsukushi glared a minute more. Almost she reached out to slap him, But what was the point? What was done was done. She slumped back down in her seat and dismally began to eat.  
  
Soujiro watched, expecting-and half hoping for-a renewed attack at any moment. At least it would be a positive sign of her fighting spirit. It didn't quite come. Instead what he got was,  
  
"So, since you listened. What did you think? Could I have handled it better?"  
  
"Ah, what?"  
  
"I was asking for your opinion. Surely you have one?" Tsukushi put aside her inner turmoils to focus on the question at hand.  
  
"Err. . ." Soujiro stared back into her brown eyes. How was he supposed to know? It wasn't like he'd ever been in a similar situation, had he? Ok, maybe there were some parallels between Rui and Sara, but it wasn't the same thing at all. . . .  
  
Tsukushi was still waiting for an answer.  
  
"Um, you did the right thing?" He offered at last, lamely. Please don't let her ask about what Rui said about me.  
  
Tsukushi sighed, and unconsciously went back to eating her noodles. When she looked up again, her eyes were teary. "Was it really? I hurt him badly, He's my friend, and I drove him away. . . ."  
  
"Tsukushi! You can't blame yourself for everything! Not all problems in life are solvable!" He knew this only too well, himself. "And besides, you didn't drive him away, you just told him the truth! If he can't handle it, that's his problem, not yours!" Perhaps if he could erase Tsukushi's feelings of guilt, he could help absolve his own. . .  
  
Tsukushi looked way again, "I know you're right, but. . ."  
  
Impulsively, Soujiro reached out and grabbed her hand. "You have to believe it. He'll be ok, once he accepts it. You'll see. Rui's resilient. I mean, he got over Shizuka, didn't he?"  
  
"I suppose so," Tsukushi murmured, as Soujiro's dark eyes willed her to believe.  
  
Soujiro looked down. Good, Tsukushi had finished her lunch. He doubted she'd even noticed the empty bowl. "Come on, then," He stood up and offered Tsukushi his hand, "I'll walk you to work. Which job do you have today?"  
  
"Dango shop." Tsukushi answered automatically as she noticed that somehow Soujiro had got his arm around her waist again. I really shouldn't let him do that. The damned playboy might get ideas. Tsukushi prepared to elbow him sharply in the ribs But she was still damp, and cold, and he was so very warm. Just this once, Tsukushi promised herself, It won't happen again. . . .  
  
Outside, the rain had finally slowed to a light mist. It was still windy and cold, but not as disgusting as it had been. Tsukushi was still grateful for the comforting warmth of Soujiro's arm, "And damn what people think!" she swore silently, "Right now, it feels good, and I don't care!" Almost, she worked up the courage to ask Soujiro why he was being so nice to her. But, fearing an answer she would not be able to bear, she remained silent.  
  
"Are you going to Sakurako's party?" Soujiro asked at last.  
  
"Yeah. I don't want to, but she'll never let me hear the end of it if I don't." There's few things I'd rather do right now than go to a party full of people who hate me.  
  
"I know what you mean."  
  
"She's making you go too?"  
  
"No party is worth going to without the F4 in attendance. She knows it. And that girl knows how to blackmail. We're going." He sighed dramatically.  
  
Tsukushi managed a half-hearted giggle at his woebegone expression, "Just think of all the cute girls Sakurako will invite for you to play with." She teased.  
  
"Yeah. . . If she lets me talk to them at all." Soujiro was as afraid as Akira that the bitch would try to monopolize his time. "Hey, do you need a ride there?"  
  
"No," Tsukushi shook her head, "Kazuya said he'd pick me up."  
  
"Ugh." Soujiro made a face, "I don't know how you can stand that boy."  
  
"We're old friends." Tsukushi said defensively, "He means well." Even if he is hopelessly clueless. "Ah, whatever," Soujiro let it drop. No sense in provoking Tsukushi.  
  
They'd almost reached the plaza where the Dango shop was located.  
  
"Whoa." Soujiro stopped in shock. . . "Is that who I think?" He was staring through the windows of the distant shop, where a glint of wavy red hair could be seen atop a very familiar figure. . .  
  
"Ah," Tsukushi began, "Yeah. You didn't know?"  
  
"Know what? Spill it girl!"  
  
"Akira's been seeing Yuki. . . I thought he would have told you."  
  
"No. . . I thought I saw those two the other week. I just didn't believe it. No wonder he wouldn't tell me who his new girlfriend was! That asshole."  
  
Tsukushi glanced up at him, "Are you mad?" After all, Yuki used to like you.  
  
Soujiro paused, thought about it, shook his head slightly. He had no claim on the girl. He should be glad she'd gotten over him. "What do you think about it?" he said at last. Tsukushi hadn't wanted Yuki to go after him, in the first place. He wanted to know how she felt about the choice of Akira instead.  
  
"I don't know." Tsukushi replied seriously. "Yuki wanted to fall in love so badly. She didn't really accept your rejection. And then Akira came along. You know how charming he can be. . . She seems happy. But can I trust him not to break her heart? I don't know. I just don't know him well enough."  
  
"Akira really is the most responsible of any of us." Soujiro tried to reassure her, or perhaps it was himself he was reassuring. After all, he'd cared for Yuki, just not as much, or in the same way as she'd cared for him. He didn't want her hurt any more than Tsukushi did "And he means well. Has he slept with her yet?"  
  
"What?! You jerk, is that all you can think of?" Tsukushi was shocked.  
  
"Calm down, Tsukushi! It's a valid question. Has he?"  
  
"Err. I don't think so." She would have told me. . .  
  
"Then he probably does really like her as more than just a fling."  
  
"I hope so." Tsukushi wanted to believe that Yuki could find happiness with Akira. And, after all she, herself, had been through, she didn't really have the right anymore to tell her friend who not to get involved with. In fact, Tsukushi was no longer even sure she'd been right in the first place to have warned Yuki off Soujiro. She'd misjudged the boy terribly, she thought, guiltily aware now of how caring he could be when he wasn't off chasing tail.  
  
Soujiro almost forgot that Akira wasn't supposed to know he'd sneaked off to see Tsukushi. But it was too late to vanish now. They'd reached the shop. And, oh shit, he'd been so comfortable with the position, he'd neglected to remove his arm from around Tsukushi.  
  
It would have been too late anyway, even if he had remembered earlier. Yuki had noticed their approach from across the plaza. He eyes had widened in recognition. What was Tsukushi doing with Soujiro like that?! Akira, noticing the look in her eyes, shot a glance out the window before slapping an exasperated palm into his forehead.  
  
"Idiot!" he bit off harsher words.  
  
"What is it?" Yuki leaned closer, "I thought she said there wasn't anything between them!"  
  
"There's not supposed to be. And if there is, It's all him!" Akira growled, "What the fuck is he thinking?! I told him!"  
  
"He likes Tsukushi?" Yuki was shocked.  
  
"I don't know. I just don't understand him anymore. He knows what a bad idea that is."  
  
"Doumyouji?" She meant, Does he know? What will he do?  
  
"And Rui." Akira didn't know the answer to her question, but he did know Tsukasa wasn't the only, or event he most pressing issue right now.  
  
"Oh." Yuki was spared from further reply by the duo's entry to the shop.  
  
Uncomfortable silence ensued, as Soujiro's defiant gaze met Akira's accusing one, and Tsukushi's sad eyes met Yuki's questioning ones.  
  
"We need to talk." Akira directed his words at Soujiro.  
  
"Damned right we do." Soujiro's eyes flicked over at Yuki.  
  
Tsukushi and Yuki just shrugged helplessly at each other. Who could understand men?  
  
Swiftly, Akira leaned over the counter to bestow a quick kiss on Yuki's blushing cheek, before turning to Soujiro. Grabbing his friend's arm, he towed him outside. Tsukushi and Yuki were left to watch through the glass what appeared to be a heated debate. Unfortunately, there was work to be done. Tsukushi slipped into the back to change and when she came out the boys had vanished.  
  
"All right," Yuki said, as he friend reappeared. "The boys are off doing their thing. It's time for us to talk."  
  
"Yes," Tsukushi nodded. It'd been too long since she'd had a real heart-to- heart with Yuki anyway. At the very least it might help her to put her thoughts in order and relieve some of the doubts and confusion swirling within.  
  
"First off, " Yuki began, "are you ok?"  
  
Not the first question Tsukushi had been expecting. "Not really," she admitted.  
  
"I didn't think so." Yuki knew her friend too well. "What's really wrong?" Sure, she had an idea from Akira, and her curiosity about what Tsukushi was doing with Soujiro was nearly overwhelming, but Yuki refrained from directly attacking the matter.  
  
"Ah, well. . . Rui. . . " Tsukushi told the story of Monday's dismal conversation, while Yuki listened sympathetically.  
  
"He took it hard?" She had to ask.  
  
Tsukushi just nodded, "There's more."  
  
"I thought so. Does it have anything to do with Soujiro?"  
  
Tsukushi glanced out to where the two boys had been standing in the rain.  
  
"You want to tell me about it?" Yuki persisted.  
  
"Err. . . Well," Tsukushi still hesitated. She didn't want to say anything that might inadvertently hurt her friend's feelings.  
  
"Oh, don't worry about me!" Yuki said brightly -perhaps too brightly-almost reading Tsukushi's mind. "I think I'm finally over him."  
  
Still, Tsukushi hesitated, "We're just friends, really." She was trying to reassure herself as much as Yuki.  
  
"Tsukushi! Stop worrying about me! I told you I'm fine! Besides," Yuki smiled shyly, "I think I'm going to fall in love with Mimasaka." Her eyes went soft and dreamy as she breathed Akira's name.  
  
"Oh!" exclaimed Tsukushi, "Are you sure?"  
  
Yuki smiled again; a happy grin. "I think so. He's so sweet, and understanding, and. . . " She undoubtedly would have gone on but stopped when she saw the look on Tsukushi's face. "Well," she started apologetically, "I know you're going to warn me that looks can be deceiving, but I think this time, it's going to be real!"  
  
"I'm glad." Tsukushi tried to be cheerful and happy for her friend, despite her doubts and her own low mood. "Really, I'm happy for you." Tsukushi attempted a smile, hoping that Yuki really did know what she was getting into.  
  
"Anyway," Yuki continued more solemnly, "We were talking about you."  
  
"Yeah," Tsukushi frowned, "It's like this; Rui thinks I abandoned him for Soujiro. And well, I don't know. In a way it could be true. . . "  
  
"Well," Yuki's eyebrows shot up, "I can see that. He like you, you know."  
  
"Why does everyone say that?!" Tsukushi exploded.  
  
"Because it's true?" Yuki persisted. She didn't have much evidence to go on, but somehow the words felt right. "You're the only one who can't see it. Don't you like him?"  
  
"Sure." Tsukushi admitted unwillingly, "As a friend. He cares about me, and I care about him. I care about all my friends." And stubbornly, as if the recital would maintain the reality, "Its Tsukasa I love."  
  
"It's more than that." Yuki wouldn't let it drop.  
  
"How can you tell?"  
  
"Has he hit on you recently, tried to kiss you or anything?"  
  
"Err. no. . . "  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"What?!"  
  
But Yuki just smiled mysteriously and went back to cleaning the counter top, leaving Tsukushi to stare blankly out into the empty street. What had Yuki meant? Deep in her subconscious, there was a part of Tsukushi that knew exactly what she'd meant; that Soujiro was only able to bring himself to flirt and Seduce when it was unimportant-when it meant nothing. The second that he actually began to come close to actually caring for someone, that was also the instant he'd back off-trying to preserve the boundaries of his own isolation. Tsukushi knew, and understood, but she'd never admit it to herself. The implications just couldn't be borne in her present state. But, her subconscious tucked the awareness away for a later date.  
  
-----  
  
On leaving the dango shop, the two boys had stood, shivering in the cold mist. Even the heat of their disagreement failed to warm them.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're trying to pull?" Akira demanded, "Didn't I tell you to leave her alone?"  
  
"Why should I? You want her to be miserable by herself? Look at the girl, Akira! It's not right!"  
  
"It's your fault!"  
  
"You don't really believe that."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then you're a bigger idiot than I thought."  
  
"Why are you being so stubborn? You haven't been acting yourself at all. What the fuck is wrong with you?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong." Nothing that hasn't always been wrong. "Since when can't I talk to whomever I want to?"  
  
"You had your arm around Tsukasa's girlfriend." Forgetting for an instant that she wasn't. Not anymore.  
  
"She's not his girlfriend. And so what if I did? She wasn't exactly objecting!"  
  
Akira sighed in utter frustration. This was getting them nowhere. "Didn't you once fight with Rui for trying to take Tsukushi away from Tsukasa?"  
  
"Sure, didn't you once help to lock those two in a room for the night?"  
  
"That was Tsubaki's idea." Akira objected..  
  
"Still. . . "  
  
"The point is. . ."  
  
"The point is," Soujiro interrupted, "They broke up. Tsukushi and Tsukasa. She's been nice to me. I don't see why I can't return the favor."  
  
"Don't lie to me. I've known you since we were two. There's more. . . Rui was right."  
  
"What?" It's not as if it wasn't obvious. Akira had suspected for days, but Soujiro still preferred to operate on one simple principle-deny everything.  
  
"Oh, gods, he was." Akira could see the answer plainly in Soujiro's eyes. "I never thought to see the day."  
  
"Yeah, what about you and Yuki? When were you going to tell me about that?" Soujiro challenged. Maybe he could change the topic.  
  
"What about Yuki?" It was Akira's turn to get defensive.  
  
"Isn't she a bit young for you?" Soujiro taunted.  
  
"I don't think that's any of your concern." Akira replied coolly.  
  
"Then, what I do with Tsukushi is none of yours!"  
  
"What you do with her affects my other two best friends and that makes it my business!"  
  
"Fine!" Soujiro riposted smoothly, "What you do with Yuki concerns Tsukushi and me, so you damned well better respect her!."  
  
"I didn't think you cared!" Akira shot back.  
  
"Well maybe you don't know me as well as you thought!" Soujiro was really mad now. Why did he have to be fighting in the street like this with his best friend? They should be supporting each other, not bickering like jealous fools.  
  
And just like that, Akira shook his head, paused, and shook it again, as if reading Soujiro's mind and agreeing with what he'd seen there. "We sound like idiots, don't we?"  
  
Taken by surprise, Soujiro nodded, and snorted in agreement, "Yeah, we do."  
  
"I give up." Akira gave his friend a searching look. "You seem determined to have Tsukushi. I'm not going to ask why. But, since you are, I'll assume you know what you're doing. Just please try not to upset Tsukasa or Rui anymore. You know what they can be like." He sounded utterly defeated. He really just wanted all of his friends to be happy.  
  
Soujiro smiled weakly at his friend, "Right. I'm glad you see it my way. You are of course, planning to treat Yuki right, yes?"  
  
"Of course!" Akira protested, "When have I ever let a woman down?"  
  
"You'd better." Soujiro persisted.  
  
Akira laughed suddenly; he'd never before quite realized how stubborn Soujiro could be. "Deal." He held out his hand. Soujiro looked briefly at it, like it might bite, then reached out his own to shake it.  
  
The boys smiled at each other. At least between the two of them, things would be right again. Too bad they couldn't say the same for the rest of the world.  
  
Their brief fight concluded, the two boys walked off together in the direction of the nearest bar. The last thing a casual observer would have heard as they left, would have been Soujiro's almost casual question, "So, what's she like in bed?"  
  
To be continued.  
  
Next time: the party!  
  
This chapter doesn't much resemble the one I set out to write. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but there it is... 


	18. encounters in a crowd

Friday dawned, much like any other day-clear, brisk, and well, autumnal. School was school, as anyone could have expected; boring, dull, and, if you actually bothered to pay attention, educational. It seemed a perfectly ordinary day except for the undercurrent of excitement-there was a party tonight-one of the most hated, yet most attractive women in the school was throwing a party. It promised to be the event of the year.  
  
Almost everyone was invited. And even those who weren't planned to attend.  
  
Tsukushi sat through class, almost trembling with dread. She knew Tsukasa would be there. . . . And Rui. . . And, of course, Soujiro. . .  
  
Asai grinned with an evil glee all day. Tonight, she'd put her plans into effect. . .  
  
Kazuya could hardly contain his excitement at the prospect of escorting his beloved Tsukushi to such an event.  
  
Tsukasa sighed, as much as he was able, within his tight bonds; tonight he'd be released for the first time in two weeks. His sister's test of his forced reeducation. He could hardly wait to see Tsukushi and begin wooing her anew.  
  
Soujiro, well, he was torn between the knowledge that to maintain his normal façade, he'd have to flirt with and seduce some boring yet utterly willing bimbo, and his own desire to curl up in some quiet corner and cuddle Tsukushi. Not that that was even a remote possibility at this juncture, but it would be nice, and Soujiro pondered the idea wistfully.  
  
Akira hummed through the day, secure in his knowledge that tonight would be the night Yuki surrendered to his gentle seductions.  
  
Yuki bounced through school, excited at the prospect of attending an Eitoku party, and with Akira as her date at that! The man was so amazing, And when he kissed her last night, her knees had almost turned to jelly right there! She was so happy-her one concern was over how Tsukushi was faring.  
  
Sakurako bustled, busy directing servants to prepare the gala. All had to be perfect! She even had a list of the men she wanted to seduce, the girls she wanted to destroy. It was going to be a grand night!  
  
And Rui? He gloomed through it all. He was going to the party. He would watch Tsukushi, observe her for signs of relenting. So too, would he watch Tsukasa and Soujiro, try to read their moods, their motivations. Even if Tsukushi didn't want him, he would continue to protect her-just as he'd promised. He didn't expect to enjoy the night much.  
  
So the day went, and school ended at long last. Who'd have thought one ordinary day could be so wearying? Tired and hungry, Tsukushi went home to eat dinner and dress for the event.  
  
As evening fell, the temperature began to drop, and the skies turned cloudy and chill.  
  
Tsukushi surveyed her meager wardrobe critically. She was rather short on appropriate party clothes. And, she winced inwardly, Sakurako was sure to expect her to dress well. Grumbling as she flicked through her skirt collection, Tsukushi's eye was caught be a small jewelry box. What was that doing here? Opening it, she found the Saturn necklace glimmering up at her. Hastily, as if afraid to think too long, Tsukushi clasped the necklace around her neck, snapping the box shut, and shoving it back amidst the folded clothes. With it on, she could almost reassure herself that she'd be able to get through the night.  
  
Automatically, her fingers latched onto the closest skirt and pulled it out. This was royal blue silk, almost purple, and slightly longer than knee length. Swirling out around, it rippled almost iridescently, and clung to her hips as she moved. For a top, a simple black strappy thing with subtle beadwork around the edges. Nothing Fancy, Nothing Exciting. Just nice enough to get by. Pulling her hair up in a simple twist, Tsukushi failed to realize just how elegant she actually looked. Even Susumu sat and stared at his sister.  
  
"Dressed like That, and you're going out with Kazuya?" he exclaimed in disbelief.  
  
Tsukushi glared in reply, "And what's wrong with the way I'm dressed?"  
  
"Ack! Nothing, don't kill me, sister! . . ." Susumu cowered from the deadly look in her eyes, "It's just that you should dress that nice to go out with rich guys like the F4! Why do you have to go with the clown instead? He doesn't even have as much money as they do! Why couldn't you go with Doumyouji?"  
  
Tsukushi's killer look could have torn her brother limb from limb, "It's none of your business who my friends are." She cracked her knuckles warningly, "You sound like mother."  
  
"Ah! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Susumu cowered some more. He hadn't meant to make his sister that angry.  
  
Tsukushi was saved from further embarrassment at her brother's hands, by Kazuya's arrival.  
  
Kazuya was, of course, stunned by Tsukushi's appearance. He was dressed much more conservatively than usual in a black tux with a white frilled shirt and brightly colored bow tie. His boisterous hair was half hidden beneath a ridiculous top hat. His car, unfortunately, was still the usual hideously decorated beast.  
  
"Wow! Tsukushi-chan!" he bubbled over, "You look fabulous!" His eyes could no widen enough to fully take in the sight of her. Tsukushi smiled faintly, though deep within, there was not a trace of elation to be found.  
  
"Thanks, Kazuya! You look good, yourself! Shall we go?" Even her manners were artificially cheerful, as if she'd been absorbing the insincere mannerisms of her peers at Eitoku.  
  
Kazuya of course, didn't notice anything wrong, and cheerfully escorted her out the door.  
  
The party was already in full swing by the time they arrived. Tsukushi had been sure to explain to Kazuya the necessity of arriving fashionably late- though she didn't think he'd really understood. She didn't see the point herself, but it was just one of those snobbish habits she'd had to learn the hang of in order to get by in the stilted world of the social elite.  
  
Sakurako's house was lit up brightly. Noise and music spilled out of every window and door, illuminating the traditional gardens beyond. The place was absolutely packed with people milling about in the mansion's many rooms, admiring, or deriding as attitude dictated, the mix of the traditional and the modern in the architecture and furnishings.  
  
Tsukushi stood a moment in the doorway, stunned by the energy of the crowd, the frenetic intricacies of the social webs being spun tonight, as cliques plotted, gossiped, betrayed, and reformed, all while studiously pretending to enjoy the harmless fantasy that a party was just a party.  
  
Kazuya was oblivious.  
  
"Tsukushi!" he cried, practically leaping through the crowd, "Let's go see what there is to eat! Are you hungry?"  
  
Tsukushi demurred. She had no appetite, and the prospect of wending her way through the claustrophobic press of bodies did not appeal. But Kazuya was insistent, and with a sigh, she let him drag her headlong through the interconnected rooms and passages of the grand mansion.  
  
At last, in a modestly sized ballroom somewhere in the west wing, Kazuya slowed his pace and let go of Tsukushi's hand, He'd found the buffet at last. Tsukushi straightened in relief, Finally she'd have a few seconds to get her bearings, perhaps find a quiet corner in which to settle, away from the snide looks flung her way by her peers. Wincing, as if their glares caused her physical pain, Tsukushi's eyes darted looking for Sakurako, Shigeru, any friendly face in the crowd.  
  
What she got was a pair of lean arms draping suddenly around her neck from behind, and a warm weight leaning on her shoulders.  
  
"Gods, Tsukushi, You're late! Why weren't you here earlier to save me from Sakurako?" Soujiro was moaning tipsily in her ear.  
  
"As if you need saving from her, I'm sure you know how to, umm. . . Handle . . . her just fine." Tsukushi mocked, hiding her relief at hearing a friendly voice at last. She squirmed, trying to pull herself free from his tenacious grip. "How long have you been here anyway? You sound drunk." She accused.  
  
"Forever." Soujiro whined, refusing to let her go, "And I'm not drunk. Just tipsy."  
  
"Tsukushi-chan!" Kazuya, returning from the buffet tables, had been about to drag Tsukushi back over to help him guess what the strange foods were, until he noticed that monster Nishikado laying his hands on her, "I'll save you!" He commenced kicking, quite futilely, at Soujiro's impervious shins.  
  
"Oww. Would you quit it?" Soujiro shrugged off Kazuya's attack, and directed his words back at Tsukushi, "Tsukushi, let me introduce you to some friends of mine." Anything to get away from the obnoxious child stamping on his toes.  
  
He didn't wait for her assent, and began steering the much-bemused girl through the crowd with a well-placed hand on the small of her back.  
  
"I'll be right back, Kazuya!" Tsukushi called over her shoulder.  
  
"Tsukushi-chan!!!!!!" Kazuya slumped despairingly. How could he have been abandoned for that grinning creep? Just because the man was rich, didn't give him to right to manhandle his Tsukushi that way! He refused to admit that Soujiro could be more handsome or charming than himself.  
  
"Where are we going?" Tsukushi was tired of being dragged hither and thither through the throng. She hadn't realized how much bigger the school population seemed when crammed into a house like this.  
  
"Oh, err, ummm." Soujiro wasn't sure. And what did he have to say to Tsukushi in a place like this anyway? He wasn't really sure why he grabbed her in the first place. Only, she'd looked so. . . hot. . standing there alone, that he hadn't been able to resist. But now, he was drunk, and this was a public place. How could he talk to her like a normal person here? What was he going to do? Luckily enough, his keen eye picked out a trio of well-dressed girls batting their eyes his way, "Ah," he brightened, "over here." He released Tsukushi and sidled up to the threesome. "Hey," he flashed his casually charming smile at them.  
  
"Ohh. . . Nishikado." The girls cooed as one, "We've been looking for you all evening. Where have you been?"  
  
"Tied up by our hostess, I'm afraid." He teased, "See, look at the marks she left on my wrists."  
  
"Oh you poor dear!" one of the three peered closer to examine the imaginary bruises, and began to lightly caress his arm as if she could stroke away their nonexistent traces.  
  
Tsukushi, momentarily forgotten, hmphed in dismay, and turned to make her way back to Kazuya.  
  
"Oh wait, Tsukushi, I was going to introduce you to, umm. what were your names again?" Soujiro hastily interjected. But it was too late. She'd already slipped off.  
  
The girls giggled, and promptly closed in on him, "Forget about her. Here, would you care for a drink?"  
  
Numbly Soujiro took it, casting a last regretful glance at where Tsukushi had last been standing. "Damnit!" he cursed himself silently, "Why am I such a fool? Why did I just do that? These girls mean nothing to me, but I forgot her just like that to flirt with them. She's right to turn away. I'm not worth it." He threw himself into playing the unrepentant fool, flirting through a cheerful mask with the ladies and enduring with a winning smile, their knowing glances and seductive caresses.  
  
As for Tsukushi, she started to storm off. Damn the man! What the hell did he think he was trying to pull, dragging her off like that, then ignoring her as if she were nothing? And. . . why was she so mad about it anyway? She stopped dead in her tracks. Soujiro was being Soujiro. Why should she care what he did? It didn't mean anything! Didn't affect her in the slightest! She refused to be upset over one drunken playboy doing what he did best! She had no right to criticize him for acting like that. After all, she had no claim on him, no right to expect him to act like he. . liked her. . . now did she?  
  
She was so absorbed in her thoughts, afraid of where they were leading her, that she almost didn't hear it when a quiet voice behind her spoke.  
  
"Makino?"  
  
She recognized the voice, if not the soft and carefully modulated tone. Slowly, almost unwillingly, Tsukushi turned to face the speaker. "Doumyouji."  
  
His breath caught in his throat as she turned. The two weeks with no sight of her had been hard, almost unbearably so, without a glimpse of her animated face, her slim legs, her. . . (He had to stop that train of thought before he got to distracted to think). And now here she was standing before him, utterly beautiful in her simple outfit. Well, anything might look beautiful on her in his eyes, but simplicity suited her, complemented her personality, made her utterly stunning amid the overly styled, too self-conscious ranks of her peers.  
  
He drank in the picture with starving eyes. Perfect, she was absolutely perfect. . . Yet, even Tsukasa could read in her haunted eyes, that all was not well. Her normally animated face was a still mask; calm and collected, as she gazed up at him, yet her eyes. . . in her eyes their lurked sadness and pain, regret and anger. Was it his fault? Was he responsible still for the weary defeat he saw? He did not know, for, locked up in his prison of a mansion, he knew nothing of the fortnight's events.  
  
"Tsukushi." He collected his scattered wits, at least what few he had of them to begin with, and tried to recollect some of the lessons that had been forcibly drilled into his head recently. "May I speak to you?" His tone was studied, reasonable, without the jagged peaks and stumbling silences that always seemed to appear when he challenged Tsukushi.  
  
Numbly, Tsukushi nodded her assent. She'd known she couldn't avoid a confrontation with Tsukasa. She'd dreaded it all day. But there was no escaping the inevitable. Despite all the times she'd imagined it in her mind, she had no idea how this meeting would go. No clue at all how she'd feel, how his words would hit, or how she'd react. . . There was only one way to find out.  
  
Silently he steered her towards a quiet corner. One look from his flashing eyes quickly drove off any partyers who might've even been tempted to linger in the vicinity.  
  
Catching the tail end of his evil eye, Tsukushi flinched, as if expecting him to turn that glare on her. But the moment her face came into focus his expression softened and he smiled down at her ruefully.  
  
"Tsukushi." It was as if he couldn't stop saying her name. As if the repetition was some kind of magic that would draw her back to him. "How have you been?"  
  
"Errr. . ." She stuttered, This didn't sound like the Tsukasa she knew at all. It was scary, if more pleasant than she'd expected. . . so far. "Well, I've been working a lot. You know, bills to pay and all that. I've got to save enough to pay for next term's tuition." She was babbling again, and she knew it. "Ah, what have you been up to? We haven't seen you at school."  
  
"We?" Tsukasa opened his mouth to question. What we? Rui? Soujiro? But just in time, he recalled a message that had been forcefully beaten into him, to wit: women are sneaky creatures-you can't approach them directly if you want an answer. Everything has to be done subtly, in a roundabout fashion. So, he hastily snapped his jaw shut and started again. His suspicions could wait till later. "Tsubaki came home. I've been locked up for two weeks."  
  
"Oh." Tsukushi murmured in a very small voice. "I didn't know."  
  
"No reason for you to." He shrugged indifferently, though secretly, he'd spent much of the time wishing that she'd at least call. Perhaps tell him how sorry she was, that she wanted him back, couldn't live without him. . .  
  
"I'm sorry." Tsukushi began to blush, as Tsukasa stood there silently examining her. She felt like she was being scrutinized under a microscope.  
  
"Tsukushi." The mantra repeated, this time it was a plea. He was very proud of himself for not yelling yet. The anger management classes must have helped.  
  
"Doumyouji." Tsukushi looked away, down at her hands. Why couldn't she find the words to say something? Why was it always so hard to talk to this man?  
  
"Tsukushi, please look at me. ."  
  
She refused, stubbornly staring at her hands twisting themselves into knots. Her blush remained unabated as she tried to decide how she felt now. Of all the things she'd dreamt of, the numbness that pervaded her, hadn't been one of them. Perhaps it was because Tsukasa wasn't acting like his usual heated self that no fire was springing to her soul, but she was cold. Cold and empty. She felt she'd cried herself out over what she'd done to Rui. And much as she wanted to say something, anything, to reassure Tsukasa, the words stuck in her throat. She could not look at him, not if her life depended on it. She was too afraid what he might read written in her eyes, what she might be forced to admit to herself if he did.  
  
Tsukasa's fists clenched and unclenched. The girl was driving him insane. Why wouldn't she look at him? He wanted to Shout, to plead, to Ask, 'Do you love me still? Come back to me!' But Tsubaki had told him, ordered him, drilled into him, that he couldn't just do that. Why not?! He wanted to know, why couldn't he just say what he felt? These words of evasion, this useless drivel he'd been forced to listen to for weeks-- none of it was worth the breath wasted on it. Words had never worked well for him, not when it came to Tsukushi. There was only one thing that did.  
  
Obeying the instincts that drove him, Tsukasa reached out, tipped Tsukushi's chin up until her gaze met his.  
  
"Don't do that, idiot!" she snapped desperately, stepping back for the shelter of the wall.  
  
"Idiot! Who's the idiot here?" His control snapped at last. All of Tsubaki's instruction couldn't civilize him for long. "You dump me. You won't tell me why. And now you don't speak to me! What are you trying to do?"  
  
Tsukushi had had enough of evasion, "You're the idiot. You know perfectly well why. It's because you never trusted me!"  
  
"But I love you!" Tsukasa protested hotly.  
  
"It's not enough." Tsukushi shook her head slowly.  
  
"Of course it is!" Tsukasa denied, "As long as we love each other, that's all that matters! Tsukushi, I love you-together we have everything we need!"  
  
Tsukushi merely shook her head again. All I really wanted was an apology. Maybe it would have been all right if he'd just apologize for being suspicious of nothing. Maybe I could forgive him if he didn't try to win every argument with a declaration of love. It tears at my heartstrings, and I want him so badly. But, I feel manipulated into a false surrender. And it isn't enough. Not really.  
  
Suddenly, trapped in this little quiet corner, Tsukushi felt claustrophobia settling over her like a cold fog. She had to get out of here before she fell apart. Before she let the cold vacuum at her center claw its way free and destroy her belief in the love she and Tsukasa shared.  
  
She didn't get a chance.  
  
Taking her silent pause as opportunity to do what he'd been dreaming of all week, Tsukasa struck with a swiftness born of desperation and a simplistic faith in his usual technique.  
  
Tsukushi was jolted out of her brief reverie by Tsukasa's arms settling around her, drawing her closer to the firm press of his body, and, of course, the sensual tickle of his lips brushing on hers.  
  
If I give in to this, she thought, will everything really be better? Or will it all just go back to the way it as? The way things have always been? And do I really want that? Whatever happened to peace, serenity? He still doesn't understand. Maybe he never will. Why can't I just tell him when something's not right? Why can't he just listen? Nothing is as simple as he thinks it is. It just won't work!  
  
"I can't do this!"  
  
With a cry, Tsukushi broke away from a startled Tsukasa, and fled for the nearest exit.  
  
Doumyouji was left staring after her desolately, feeling like he'd just missed something critically important. But he couldn't quite grasp what it was that had sent her fleeing from his lips like they were poisoned. . . .  
  
To be continued.  
  
Wow! Thanks to all of you amazing reviewers who pushed the # of reviews for this fic over the 3 digit mark. And for all those who've been wondering, What's up with the yuki/Akira thing? When I started writing this people were like 'oh no Soujiro can't go for tsukushi. Poor yuki.' So I think 'hmmm. who can I toss her off to? Why not akira?' It amuses me. As far as I can tell, Rui and Tsukasa will just have to suffer alone, however. Or perhaps they'll have each other? Now there's an idea.. 


	19. get a grip

Akira entered Sakurako's house, a wide-eyed Yuki bubbling on his arm. She was so excited by the colorful people, the exquisite dresses, the beauty of the old mansion. Akira listened to her refreshing naivete with amusement. Sometimes it was hard to believe that someone so good-hearted and kind as to be able to believe the best out of all these people, even after the horrendous tales Tsukushi had surely told her, existed. And she was his date. Akira smiled. He knew he was lucky to have her. Even the fact that she was younger than him didn't faze him at all. She was still amazing. He'd felt her heart racing last night as he kissed her goodnight after walking her home. She was so innocent, and sweet. And she adored him. He could tell. He didn't want to let her down, after all, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so content with one of his girlfriends on his arm.  
  
"Are you ok?" Yuki glanced up anxiously, "You've been so quiet since we arrived." Perhaps her prattle was annoying him. Oh god, she didn't want to embarrass Akira in front of his school friends. She blushed a delicate shade of pink.  
  
"No," Akira smiled down at the petite girl beside him, "Everything's fine." He bent down to kiss her, acknowledging to all the curious eyes in the room that she was his girlfriend, and they'd best not mess with her. "Would you like a drink?"  
  
"Oh yes, please!" Yuki agreed; the room was rather hot-a drink would be lovely right now.  
  
"I'll be right back," he gave her arm a reassuring squeeze and set off to find the nearest bottle of champagne and a pair of glasses.  
  
Instantly, Yuki was mobbed by insincere girls all wanting to make her acquaintance, since it was obvious that to be Akira's girlfriend, she had to be someone of influence. Yuki accepted their greetings and flattery at face value, and set about having a good time. When Akira got back, perhaps they could find Tsukushi and introduce her to these new friends?  
  
---------  
  
Soujiro moped silently. He knew he'd blown his chance. Though what exactly it had been a chance of, he couldn't really have said. Now, here he stood in the crowded room, a girl on each arm, yet feeling so very alone. He was waiting for something. Unsure just what it was, he sipped his drink, flirted shamelessly with the beauties in his arms, and refused to budge from his patch of floor, despite their repeated entreaties to come dance, come find a dark corner, an empty bedroom. . .  
  
Distantly, he wondered when Akira would show up, and if he was bringing Yuki. What would she think of this elaborate setup, the endless machinations and schemes of the social climbers? She wouldn't be as cynical as Tsukushi. She might even enjoy the attention she was sure to get as Akira's date. The thought brought some comfort in his low mood; at least someone would be enjoying this seemingly endless torture tonight.  
  
At last, Soujiro's dull eyes were caught by the sudden appearance of Tsukasa across the room. It was always easy to spot another member of the F4-they all towered over their peers so easily. And even if they hadn't had the height, each exuded a charisma that immediately drew the eyes. Tsukasa didn't notice Soujiro, didn't even look his way. No, his eyes were fixated on a single point, a single person-Tsukushi, of course. Soujiro wondered why he hadn't seen her standing there. Perhaps it was because he hadn't wanted to see.  
  
At any rate, Soujiro now watched more closely, from beneath half lidded eyes, as Doumyouji drew Tsukushi away from the crowd and began speaking to her. Soujiro was surprised neither of them were yelling yet, but he didn't have long to wait. Even not being able to hear the voices over the din of the room he could almost picture what was being said. Tsukushi would be begging Tsukasa to listen to her for once. He, of course, would be failing to understand. No matter what Tsubaki had done to him, there was no way in hell Tsukasa could change fast enough to really understand Tsukushi's needs by tonight.  
  
Soujiro had to look away when he saw Tsukasa reaching out to embrace Tsukushi. There were two ways this drama could end. He wasn't sure he wanted to know which it would be. He busied himself in turning to the girl wrapped around his left side and engaging her in a passionate kiss. When he finally disengaged himself from this distraction, Tsukushi was gone.  
  
Wavering now between relief and worry, Soujiro was about to automatically set off in pursuit, when he remembered how he, himself, had just treated her. Tsukushi might not appreciate his company now. Or anytime soon. And should he really go to her, when he had so little to give? He hesitated, delaying a decision while, with a false moue of regret, he untangled himself from the beauties surrounding him.  
  
Soujiro finally made up his mind when he glimpsed Rui emerging from the shadows behind a rather menacing houseplant. There was no fucking way he was going to let Rui get to her first. She might not want Soujiro's presence, but she certainly didn't need Rui right now. Soujiro wove his way rapidly through the crowd trying to sniff out which way she might've gone. It helped there was only one obvious exit for the outside from this room. He headed for it.  
  
---------  
  
Tsukushi found herself on a porch overlooking an ornamental fishpond. Grateful for the fresh air and relative quiet, she leaned out over the old wooden railing. Unconsciously, her fingers played with the necklace at her throat; the symbol of all Tsukasa had meant to her, and her to him. What was the point of it all when there was no hope of them ever understanding each other? She wanted to cry, to burst into tears and let all her frustrations pour out. But she could not. There was such a sense of inevitability to it all; she'd felt her devotion, her passion, for Tsukasa slipping away, bit by bit. She wanted to want him, wanted his love to make everything else vanish. But it didn't.  
  
The chill of the night air matched the chill in her heart.  
  
------  
  
Inside, Tsukasa stared blindly at the crowded room. What had gone wrong? He couldn't understand it. Couldn't understand the look in her eyes as she'd slipped from his grasp yet again. Tormented by the doubts assailing him, he stood rooted in place, unable to pursue his only love.  
  
A silky voice sounded at his elbow. "You don't know what's wrong, do you? Poor Doumyouji. You just don't understand why Makino is afraid to face you. . . Well. . . I know."  
  
Tsukasa slowly turned to regard Asai skeptically. "How would you know anything about her, you bitch?"  
  
"Don't be petty." Asai refused to cringe beneath his cold eyes, much as every instinct screamed at her to slip off before she unleashed the violence at his core. "I go to school. I listen. I learn things from people. You might find these things interesting."  
  
"Really?" He remained aloof, unconvinced. But, despite himself, Tsukasa was intrigued-there had been something wrong with Tsukushi, and anything, no matter what the source, that might clear up the mystery was welcome. "What sort of things? And, why should I believe anything you say? You've lied to me in the past."  
  
Asai's cool smirk remained undimmed, "Corroborating evidence." She dragged up a whimpering Kazuya, her sharp talons gripping his hair tightly. Tsukasa hadn't seen the small boy before, pinned to the floor as he had been by the sharp point of Asai's spike heels.  
  
"What does that fool have to do with anything?" Tsukasa dismissed Kazuya with a snort.  
  
"He came to the same conclusions as I did, but from a different perspective. Just listen." Asai shoved Kazuya roughly to the floor again. His was only a minor role in the coming drama.  
  
Tsukasa crossed his arms. "Then talk. But if I find that you've been lying to me, I'll kill you.."  
  
"Oh, it's not me you'll be wanting to kill," Asai murmured to herself.  
  
Tapping her chin thoughtfully with one viciously sharp nail, she pondered the best way to begin.  
  
"It began with a bet."  
  
"What bet?" Tsukasa eyed her suspiciously.  
  
"A bet between Nishikado and Mimasaka." Asai didn't really know the details. The bimbo that was her primary source hadn't heard the whole exchange, but it wasn't hard to imagine what might have happened. And what wasn't known could, and would, be supplemented by the purest evil fiction she could devise. "To see which of them could seduce Makino."  
  
"I see." Tsukasa's voice had grown deadly cold. "And just when did this supposed bet take place?"  
  
"A few weeks ago. I believe you remember the night?" Asai arched one overly plucked eyebrow. She had no clue, really, but Doumyouji certainly did. He began to turn purple with rage as he remembered.. . .  
  
. . . Following Tsukushi to the restaurant, watching as Akira and Soujiro circled closer and closer. Then, he'd been most concerned about Rui, but he should have known his irresponsibly immoral friends were up to something. And the way Soujiro had cozyed up to Tsukushi on the dance floor, right before he'd kissed her. . . Tsukasa's mind was suddenly reeling with suspicions reborn.  
  
"Exactly," Asai smirked. "I don't know if it was then, or later, but we're sure of one thing. . . From the way she's been acting at school, meeting Nishikado 'accidentally' for lunch, or 'bumping into him' at bars at night.. . .  
  
"He won. Now Makino's totally fallen for him. He of course, could care less. . . . Isn't that right?" She hauled Kazuya back off the floor.  
  
"I saw him touching her, that monster! He wouldn't let her go! Oh my innocent Tsukushi-chan!!!!!!" Kazuya moaned dazedly.  
  
"See?" Asai's lips twisted up in spiteful triumph. "That's why your precious Makino couldn't meet your eyes. She's too ashamed, and she knew you'd never forgive her for cheating on you. You're better off without that little tramp anyway." She finished offhandedly.  
  
Asai looked up at Doumyouji to see how well her words had taken effect. He seemed to be fixated on the empty air.  
  
"Tsukushi. . ." He whispered despairingly, "How could you?"  
  
"He's really very clever with the ladies," Asai insinuated helpfully, "I bet he knew exactly what to say. . .Women will do anything for him, and you know Makino's been eyeing him for a while. . ."  
  
"How dare you say such things about My Tsukushi!" Tsukasa whirled and screamed at the immaculately made-up bitch at his elbow. He could not allow anyone to voice the nagging thoughts that whispered in his own mind.  
  
Aware that she might have gone too far this time, Asai beat a hasty retreat.  
  
"Just think on what I said, Doumyouji. None of us want you to get hurt over a faithless bimbo like her. ." With these parting words, she slipped off to rejoin her coterie of friends.  
  
Tsukasa tried to rein in his freewheeling emotions. But without success. Rage, despair, almost overwhelming jealousy all surged through his brain. Adrenaline pulsed through his veins. Asai's words fit too well with his own lingering suspicions for him to doubt her, She might be petty and manipulative, but this was too much, even for her. It had to be true!  
  
"Soujiro. You treacherous fuck. You're going to die." He growled low beneath his breath. Every muscle in his body strained to be released in a killing fury. He controlled himself, but barely, only barely. So much for empathy-training sessions. So much for anger management. Tensely, with a coiled fury clenching his jaw, he began to search for his erstwhile friend. He hardly even noticed as he heedlessly bowled a shaky Kazuya back to the ground.  
  
------  
  
Soujiro found Tsukushi shivering alone on the quiet porch. Few other party- goers were willing to brave the pervasive chill of the night to hang out in such a place, when the inside of the house was so much more cheerful and alive. With luck, no one had noticed her out here-and it would be easy to overlook such a slight girl, especially given the way she tended to blend into the dark of the night.  
  
Her back was turned to the house, and she seemed not to notice his presence as he slipped through the open door. Moving silently, Soujiro came up behind her and settled pensively at the railing at a small distance from Tsukushi. Leaning forward, he followed her silent example and stared out at the dark waters.  
  
Neither spoke for some minutes.  
  
Tsukushi was not pleased to have her solitude interrupted. She gave up at last.  
  
"Don't you have people waiting for you, inside?" She hoped she didn't sound bitter.  
  
"Nah," Soujiro shrugged half-heartedly, turning to regard her in the dim light. Tsukushi still hadn't turned away from her view of the still waters.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"I wanted to apologize, for being an idiot back there." His lips gave an ironic twist, "I did warn you, that was who I am. I can't help it-I see a pretty girl and from there, it's all automatic. Still, I didn't mean to ignore you. And I'm sorry." Suddenly embarrassed, he turned back to the railing. It was fortunate he was good with words, otherwise he didn't think he could have answered her. "I'll leave if you want me to." He pushed to his feet and headed for the door.  
  
"No." her cautious answer called him back to the railing, "He never apologizes for anything. Not even when he knows he was wrong. Why should you apologize for being yourself? I knew better, didn't I? I told them they were wrong. . . I shouldn't be angry, I don't know why I felt that way?" It sounded almost as if she were talking to herself, not to Soujiro at all, "But I'm not angry now. See, how can I be? I can't feel a thing anymore. I couldn't feel a thing."  
  
Soujiro stood behind the small girl, uncertain what to say or do. Tsukushi was huddled over the railing, lost in her own little world, hardly aware of Soujiro, only dimly recalling what it was she was annoyed with him for. All she could see, etched in the blank waters of the small pond, were Doumyouji's features-his look of confusion as she fled. And still, she could not cry for him.  
  
Soujiro tentatively put a hand on Tsukushi's shoulder. At the touch she flinched, but then with a quaking sigh, surrendered to her need for comfort.  
  
"Soujiro," she pled staring up at him, with her large eyes shining deeply, "I couldn't feel a thing! How couldn't I? I can't even cry anymore!"  
  
He didn't know what to say. But he didn't even try to pretend ignorance to what she was talking about.  
  
"Tsukushi," he murmured, "It's ok. It has to be ok. You're just tired now. Now is not the time for tears anyway. You'll see. Things will look better in the morning. Try seeing Tsukasa then, talking to him when you're not surrounded by. . . all this. . . You can't just give up now."  
  
He'd been telling himself that things would be better in the morning for years. Somehow the words always rang false to him then. They did so now.  
  
"Why can't I? What's going to change between now and then?" Tsukushi challenged. "Nothing ever changes. I just get tireder." She seemed to wilt even more.  
  
"Come on, girl, what kind of attitude is that? Don't you want him back?"  
  
"Oh! I just don't know! I couldn't look at him, and when he kissed me. . . It just didn't feel the same anymore. I. . ." but whatever she was about to say was lost in a sudden spasm of shivering and chattering teeth. And no wonder. It was freezing outside, and she wasn't exactly dressed for the weather.  
  
"Come on, Tsukushi, Let's go back inside before you freeze."  
  
Mutely she shook her head. "I can't."  
  
"Yes you can. Come on, you silly girl. Running away won't help. You got to talk to him."  
  
"I can't!" Tsukushi straightened and pounded her fists on Soujiro's chest in frustration, as if to emphasize each word she spoke. "Don't you understand, I tried. I can't talk to him. I tried so hard. The words wouldn't come! And he wouldn't listen anyway! It's always the same. Always." She seemed to realize what she was doing, and stopped pummeling the shocked boy. "Ah! I'm sorry!" She took a step back, looking down at the dark wood beneath her feet, "And, somehow when he looks at me like that, I always feel like it's all my fault. . ."  
  
No, Soujiro reflected as he watched the shivering girl in front of him, it can't be her fault, If there was a way to make the relationship work, she'd find it. But it's always the others who make us feel guilty for not being what they want us to be, or for their own failings. He thought bitterly of his own family and the myriad nights he'd lain awake wondering what he'd done to drive his older brother away, how it must be his fault for his father's lack of love. No, it was never the truly guilty who felt remorse, it was only the innocents whom they manipulated that felt the true pain. He felt a powerful thrill of sympathy for Tsukushi and her torment of indecision.  
  
Impulsively, he closed the gap between them, and hugged Tsukushi to him, as one might comfort a small child. "Shh." he whispered into her hair, "It's not your fault. You can't blame yourself. I won't let you."  
  
Tsukushi closed her eyes and let his soothing words wash over her. Why did it have to be Soujiro she talked to like this? Why couldn't Tsukasa ever ask the right questions, say the words she needed to hear? Maybe Soujiro was right, though. If she could just force Tsukasa to listen to her for once. If she could just talk things out with him, maybe the void in her heart would fill again?" Perhaps she'd ask Tsubaki to tie him up for her so she could talk without interruption? She didn't know if this could work, if she should even dare hope that the fire that had once poured through her veins could be so easily rekindled by even the merest shadow of understanding from Doumyouji. But Soujiro was right. For the sake of what they'd once had, she needed to try. Even if only to prove to herself that her love was truly dying, or dead.  
  
But it would have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight she was content to lean into Soujiro's warmth, listening to his soothing voice, absorbing strength and purpose from him, as they stood together in the dark.  
  
------  
  
Akira finally found a bottle and glasses for himself and Yuki. It had taken him a lot longer then he'd expected, and now he found himself almost at the opposite end of the house from where he'd started. Damn it, what kind of maze did Sakurako have here anyway? Grumpily, he started to make his way back to Yuki. He hoped she didn't mind his long absence. He promised himself he'd make it up to her later tonight in the nicest possible way. Grinning at the images this thought brought to mind, he failed to pay attention to where he was walking, and almost bumped into Rui.  
  
"Hey!" he greeted cheerfully, "have you been here long? Come on, I want to introduce you to my girlfriend." He knew that, like the rest of the F4, Rui had met Yuki before, but being Rui, undoubtedly wouldn't remember her without a fresh introduction. Hell, Akira'd needed a fresh introduction to really notice her, himself.  
  
"Not right now." Rui replied laconically.  
  
"Oh come on, why not?" Akira laughed, "It's not like you're talking to anyone now, anyway."  
  
"I'm waiting."  
  
"Really, what for?" Akira was happy to play along with Rui's game. At least for a few minutes. Hell, why not? He was in a good mood tonight.  
  
"For Tsukasa." Rui refused to divulge more information than necessary.  
  
"Tsukasa? Why?"  
  
"See for yourself." Rui nodded at a figure across the room.  
  
"Oh shit!" Akira looked in the indicated direction. For there glowered Tsukasa. He was in the process of storming through the house. searching for Tsukushi, or Soujiro, or both. They couldn't hide from him.  
  
Luckily, Tsukasa wasn't the brightest bulb in the lamp, and hadn't thought to check outside first.  
  
"Where's Tsukushi?" Akira demanded. He didn't know what was going on. But he'd be willing to bet anything that Tsukasa's ire revolved around her.  
  
"Out there." Rui nodded at the half open door a few feet away.  
  
"Oh." I should have known he wouldn't be far from her. Akira grimaced. There wasn't time to ask what had happened, or what Rui knew. Nor was it time to beat around the bush, "Is Soujiro with her?" He didn't need to wait for a reply. The defeated look in Rui's eye said it all.  
  
"Shit! I have to get him out of there!" Akira started to head for the door.  
  
"There's no time." Rui grabbed Akira's arm. He didn't even need to question why it was Akira wanted to act. Tsukasa was obviously not in a reasonable mood, even if the situation had been reasonable to begin with. "See?" Tsukasa was headed their way.  
  
-------  
  
Yuki was fascinated by the people around her, their manners, the attention they paid her, and their amazing clothes. Still, she didn't really understand why they kept asking her what company her father owned, or what was it really like dating one of the F4. Didn't they listen when she told them that her dad was just an average employee, and Akira, was, well, Akira. She couldn't really bring herself to think of him as just a member of the exalted clique they all seemed to idolize and fear. He was a sweet, funny, cuddly man, very down to earth. Sympathetic and understanding too, not some scary god like they all seemed to think. It was all very confusing.  
  
It was with a vast sigh of relief that she finally caught sight of someone she knew, amidst all the strangers.  
  
"Sakurako!" Yuki smiled at the other girl. She was so pretty! And she'd always been nice to her whenever Yuki had come to hang out with Tsukushi and her Eitoku friends.  
  
"Yuki. Glad you could make it." Sakurako took the other girl's arm, "How are you? What are you doing wasting your time with these peons? They're not even as attractive as you are." She directed her last remark toward the crowd of girls Yuki had been immersed in, and was rewarded with a volley of glares aimed at her back. Gods, being hostess was fun, you could insult your guests to their faces and they couldn't do anything about it. "Come with me, Have you met any cute guys yet? I think there might be some around here that you might like."  
  
"Ah err.." Yuki was rather taken aback by Sakurako's direct attitude, "Actually, I came with Mimasaka. Have you seen him anywhere?"  
  
"Akira, eh?" Sakurako arched one delicate eyebrow, "Now there's a fine choice. I'll say this, you've got taste. Though, I think he's a bit dull, personality-wise. Nowhere near as feisty as the rest of the F4, if you know what I mean?"  
  
"Umm.." Yuki wasn't quite sure what to make of this statement.  
  
"Anyway, shall we find this errant beau of yours, before he goes and seduces one of my houseplants?" Sakurako led Yuki off through the house.  
  
"Oh, there he is!" Yuki spotted Akira across a room talking to Rui. The two girls made their way over to where the boys were standing just in time to hear the tail end of Rui's last statement. . . No time? No time for what? Yuki wondered.  
  
"Akira!" Sakurako greeted, oblivious to the tension the two boys radiated, "I brought your girlfriend! You shouldn't leave her alone like that! Someone else might steal her!"  
  
"Yuki!" Akira's eyes lit up with relief. "I need a favor, quick,"  
  
"Sure," Yuki smiled uncertainly, but willing to go along for the moment.  
  
"Get Soujiro and Tsukushi out of here. Now. They're out that door." A note of panic entered his voice as his eyes darted to the man rapidly coming up behind the two girls. "Hurry!"  
  
Yuki followed his eyes, and catching just a glimmer of the look in Tsukasa's eyes, sprinted for the porch, all questions dying beneath the anger she saw there. No, there was no need to ask why Akira was tense, or why Tsukushi and Soujiro needed to get out.  
  
Unfortunately, when Yuki pushed the door fully open, the bright lights of the room spilled out to fully illuminate the pair of figures standing in what appeared to be a passionate embrace.  
  
"SOUJIRO!!!!!" Tsukasa roared at the top of his lungs, and lunged for the door. As one, Akira and Rui stepped forward to seize his arms and hold him back. As the light fell on them, Soujiro and Tsukushi sprang apart, and only Soujiro's restraining hand on Tsukushi's shoulder kept her from rushing in to confront the rampaging beast that was Tsukasa. Soujiro took in the interior scene in a glance; Akira and Rui were desperately trying to restrain Tsukasa, who writhed and kicked like a man possessed. They were not faring well. At the first sound of Tsukasa's trumpeting roar, the rest of the party guests had immediately fled the scene. Memories of Doumyouji's murderous rages were still too fresh in many of their minds, and no one wanted to accidentally get in his way-or they might be the ones to end up in the Emergency Room. Even Asai didn't stick around to witness the conclusion of her scheme, but bolted for the door, in a most unladylike fashion. The only ones brave enough, or desperate enough, or foolish enough to stand against Doumyouji were Akira and Rui. . . And, apparently, Kazuya, for in the instant before Yuki slammed the door shut behind her, Soujiro witnessed the smaller boy throw himself at Tsukasa's legs with a desperate squeal that sounded suspiciously like, "Tsukushi-chan!"  
  
"Quick," Yuki breathed, as she slammed the door, "Tsukushi, you have to leave."  
  
Soujiro had already figured that out. "Yuki, get Akira, and meet us at The Other Side," the name of a popular all night café located in a neighborhood far away from Sakurako's house. He grabbed Tsukushi's wrist and started to pull her along the porch down to some steps to where a small path led off through the gardens.  
  
Tsukushi was shaking again, no longer with cold however, or despair. No, now she was furious. Again.  
  
"That jerk!" She muttered through clenched teeth, "What the hell does he think he's doing? Didn't he just say he wanted me back-- that nothing mattered as long as he loved me? So what the Fuck is he doing pulling a stunt like that, again?" How many times was she doomed to relieve scenes like this one, with an enraged Tsukasa attacking someone for their perceived closeness to her? Why couldn't he listen? And for the love of god, what brought on his maddened frenzy this time? He'd seemed relatively calm just moments before. . . "And just when I was working up the resolve to try harder to forgive him. . ."  
  
Unheeded, a slow tear found its way down her cheek at last. It might've only been from the chill wind blowing in her face.  
  
Numbly, she let Soujiro lead her away. Furiously, her brain whirled, trying to understand what had inspired this incident.  
  
Back at the house, Akira and Rui were tiring. Kazuya had already been tossed aside, weakened to the point of collapse by a well-placed kick to the gut. Yuki remained on the porch, afraid to open the door and find out the result of the conflict, but unwilling to leave 'till she found out if Akira was all right or not.  
  
"Why?!" Tsukasa breathed harshly. "Why are you protecting him?" he directed his remarks to Rui, who was trying, without much success, to prevent Tsukasa's left elbow from driving repeatedly into his stomach. "Don't you know what he's done?"  
  
"Better than You do." Rui replied in between gasps.  
  
"Then why?"  
  
"Because you're wrong." Even the pain from his bruises couldn't make Rui lose his calm.  
  
"Wrong?! I'll show you wrong!" Tsukasa screamed furiously, and wrenching his arm free with a monumental jerk, backhanded Rui across the face, sending the lighter boy staggering backwards into a wall.  
  
Akira was left to wrestle all the more ferociously with Doumyouji. It was like fighting an anaconda built from steel.  
  
"I have to agree with Rui," he gasped, "I tried to prevent this. But whatever idea you have, it's wrong."  
  
"You! You're as bad as Soujiro!" Tsukasa was snarling now, "I heard about that bet of yours! Why did you do it? Did you think it'd be fun to make a fool of me? Or did you just want to humiliate Tsukushi? Oh yes, I remember what you've always said about her, 'no sex appeal, annoying, clueless. . .' You never liked her. Now get out of my way!"  
  
"Listen to me Tsukasa!" Akira knew he was losing the physical battle. He was going to have to use the rest of his breath in a war of words. "Sure there was a bet. A moment's whim. But do you really think so lowly of her, that she'd succumb? We lost. It's over. It was nothing. If that's all this is about, you need to calm the fuck down."  
  
"Then what did I just see?" Tsukasa demanded, "What was going on out there that you didn't want me to see?! Don't play the fool, Akira. You can't hide from me." With a final vicious kick, he sent Akira sprawling next to Rui.  
  
Deliberately, Tsukasa stalked to the door and flung it open. But there was only Yuki, leaning fearfully back against the rail.  
  
"Where are they?" He demanded, in a voice gone icy cold.  
  
"They left." Yuki murmured defiantly. If Akira was willing to fight for Soujiro, how could she do less for Tsukushi? "Please leave Tsukushi alone! She hasn't done anything wrong." Her brown eyes pled for him to believe, but Tsukasa just looked away. Coldly, he stalked off the porch, heading down the path they must've taken.  
  
Yuki watched him go, then slipped inside. Akira and Rui were pulling themselves to their feet.  
  
"Why didn't you tell him what's really going on with Makino?" Akira was asking.  
  
Rui shrugged, "You don't think that wouldn't just make him more angry?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. Maybe.' Akira thought about it, "Then why are you defending Soujiro anyway? I thought you were mad at him?"  
  
"I wasn't. I was trying to protect Tsukushi." Now Rui grew vehement, "I want her to be happy! If she thinks she can be happy with Soujiro, then she should at least get the chance to try! But, you know, I used to think she would be happy with Tsukasa, I tried to stand aside, and let them be. . . Until I saw that Tsukasa was wrong. What sort of boyfriend treats the girl he loves like that? Is he protecting her or destroying her? He makes me so angry."  
  
Both Akira and Yuki were staring, open-mouthed, at Rui. It just wasn't like him to speak so openly, or at such length.  
  
Nevertheless, Rui continued, as if speaking to himself, "I think I'd do anything to prevent them from getting back together. Even if it means watching her fall for Soujiro. It's the only thing I can do." He looked absolutely tired, and utterly defeated. It's a terrible thing to love so deeply, and so unrequitedly.  
  
His shoulders drooping, Rui turned away. "Do you think he'll catch up?"  
  
"Nah," Akira reassured him, "He's too mad to think clearly. They'll be fine."  
  
"Good." Rui nodded slowly. "I'm going home."  
  
"Wait!" Yuki spoke up. "We're going to go meet them. Would you like to come?"  
  
Rui gazed steadily at the diminutive girl for several seconds, before shaking his head. "I don't think so. But you can tell Tsukushi hello from me." He limped off. It was obvious that not all his pain was purely physical.  
  
Yuki turned solicitously to Akira, "Are you ok? That was really scary!"  
  
Akira smiled down at her, "I'm fine. Tsukasa was more concerned with getting past us than hurting us. Just got a few bruises is all. And you? That was really brave of you to stand up to Tsukasa like that. You should have left with Makino and Soujiro."  
  
"Oh no!" Yuki breathed, "I couldn't leave you by yourself!. . .Besides," she continued, smiling mischievously up at him, "How would you know where they went if I didn't stay to tell you?"  
  
"You're right, of course," Akira laughed lightly, trying to ignore the pain of his bruised ribs. He knew one thing that would distract him. . . He bent down and kissed Yuki lingeringly on the lips. It was with much satisfaction that he felt her response; a gentle sigh, the melting of her body against his, and her arms coming up to wrap around his neck. Yes, like this, with her heart beating rapidly against him, he could forget any pain.  
  
Eventually, Yuki broke away, blushing furiously, but smiling dreamily all the same. Hand in hand, the couple departed the now almost-deserted mansion.  
  
--------  
  
Sakurako strode through her empty house. Everyone had left. It was a disgrace! Not even midnight yet, and they'd all run away. Damn that Doumyouji! Why'd he have to go and ruin everything? Tears of pure anger poured down her perfect face. It was almost as if that man deliberately set out to destroy everything she'd worked for.  
  
Pacing over to the site where the boys had been fighting, she heard a faint groaning coming from under a table.  
  
Kazuya remained where he'd been kicked, a limp bundle of flesh and bone cowering in the dimness beneath the furniture. The evening hadn't gone at all how he'd hoped. His beautiful Tsukushi assaulted by that Dreadful Nishikado. . . Getting stomped upon by the scary witch Asai. . . and Doumyouji.. . He shuddered. The man was a monster. He'd done his best to protect Tsukushi from that beast, but he'd failed her. Failed her utterly. Kazuya sniveled softly.  
  
And his torment was not yet over. Without warning, he found his sheltering table kicked to the side, as a radiantly furious Sakurako wrenched him to his feet.  
  
"My party is ruined!" She screamed in his sensitive ears. "Tell me what happened. Now! Before I rip your spleen out, you miserable excuse for a worm." Somehow she knew that Kazuya would know why Tsukasa, who had seemed so in control when he arrived, would suddenly have snapped. Someone must have told the man something. She would find out who was to blame.  
  
And they would pay.  
  
To be continued.  
  
damnit, it's not as dramatic as I wanted it to be. This chapter was such a bitch to write. I think I'm losing interest again. 


	20. mm cuddly

I suppose I shouldn't steal the names of real places to use in this thing. But I'm too lazy to come up with my own.  
  
"I should have done something." Tsukushi and Soujiro were seated in a comfortable booth upstairs at the Other Side café. Tsukushi's hands were tightly wrapped around a mug of steaming tea.  
  
"Oh, come on Tsukushi. What could you have done?" Soujiro had been trying to reason with Tsukushi ever since they'd left Sakurako's place.  
  
"If I hadn't run away when he kissed me. . ."  
  
"If he'd only listened to you in the first place. . . What's done is done. You know what he's like. He'll calm down by tomorrow."  
  
"I suppose. I feel like such an idiot running away, though." Tsukushi sighed into her tea.  
  
"Yeah, so? Better dumb than dead."  
  
"He wouldn't have done anything, really." Tsukushi protested. "He doesn't hurt people anymore."  
  
"Maybe not you." Soujiro shuddered. "But you didn't see the look in his eyes. I did. I've only seen that look a few times before. . . Each time, I hoped never to see it again. I certainly never wanted to see it directed against me. There was no fucking way I was gonna stick around that place. I'd like to keep the face I have, thank you very much."  
  
Tsukushi smiled half-heartedly, "It's a nice face."  
  
Soujiro flashed a quick grin, "Hey, you finally admitted it!"  
  
"Ah. Err." Tsukushi stammered defensively, "I just don't want to see Doumyouji breaking it. That's all!" with a blush, she added, "It's probably my fault he's mad at you anyway. . . I wonder what set him off like that to begin with?"  
  
Soujiro shrugged bitterly, "Have you forgotten already? He already thought something was going on. And given the vicious gossips at school, it's hardly surprising that he heard something that resonated. . ."  
  
"Arghh. . . You're probably right." Tsukushi scowled, and thought hard, "Asai was looking particularly malicious all day. . I wonder if she had something to with it?"  
  
Soujiro waved a hand in dismissal, "It doesn't matter anymore, does it? The real question is, what are you going to do now?"  
  
"I don't know." Tsukushi looked away. "I. . .. I don't think I want to talk about it anymore right now, ok?" Silently, she added, "I need to think about things. Decide what it is I really want. Do I want to be happy, or do I want Doumyouji?"  
  
Soujiro nodded. He knew all about the need to keep everything inside. Tsukushi would undoubtedly tell him about it in her own good time.  
  
"Hey! There you are!" Akira's cheerful voice broke the silence, as he strode over to where Tsukushi and Soujiro sat, with Yuki wrapped in one arm.  
  
Tsukushi smiled with relief to see her friend, "Yuki!" she exclaimed, "I'm sorry I never got the chance to talk to you at the party! How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine!" Yuki smiled cheerfully, "We were worried about you, though. How are you doing? What happened with You and Doumyouji?"  
  
Tsukushi was forced into a fresh round of explanations of what had passed between Tsukasa and herself. Akira and Yuki listened intently, as did Soujiro. Her speech was much more coherent this time around.  
  
"Oh!" Yuki exclaimed, as Tsukushi finished her tale. The two boys just looked faintly embarrassed. For so many years, they'd tried to train Tsukasa to understand women. It was painfully obvious to the both of them that they'd failed utterly. One of the most basic lessons you can possibly learn is when is the right moment to kiss a girl. If you choose your moment opportunely, the likelihood is high that she'll melt in your arms and forgive you anything. If, however, you can't even gauge the mood adequately and choose poorly, you'll be as likely to receive a slap in the face, and lose the girl forever. If only Tsukasa wasn't so dense. If only Tsukushi was more receptive, it might have worked. But no.  
  
"He's an idiot." Soujiro and Akira agreed. "But we knew that already."  
  
"And what about you?" Tsukushi questioned, "What happened after we left?"  
  
"Ah, not much," Akira waved her query aside, "We held Tsukasa as long as we could, before he kicked our asses. Looks like it was long enough."  
  
"Thanks man," Soujiro broke in, "I owe you one."  
  
"Dude, you owe me more than one. It fucking hurt!" Akira exclaimed, "Hell, why do you have to go make my life so difficult?"  
  
"Sorry," Soujiro refused to look too repentant, though.  
  
"Geez. I warned you, and warned you, man. I wish someone would take my advice for once." The pain was plainly making Akira feel put upon.  
  
"Hey!" Tsukushi scowled, "Why are you picking on Soujiro? If you're gonna blame someone here, you may as well blame me. Or better yet Tsukasa. No one told him to act like a moron."  
  
"A jealous moron." Akira pointed out, giving Soujiro a significant glance. "What exactly were the two of you doing on that porch, anyway?"  
  
"Nothing!" Tsukushi spoke hastily, even as a slow flush crept over her cheeks.  
  
'Talking." Soujiro drawled much more calmly.  
  
"Riiight. . ." Akira's skepticism was plain in the arch of his brow. But he declined to pursue the subject further.  
  
"Please don't fight." Yuki spoke softly. "Haven't you done enough of that tonight?" Unintentionally, she ended with a tired yawn.  
  
"She's right." Tsukushi took the opportunity to change the subject, "It's getting late. I need to get sleep." Or at least to toss and turn in emotional turmoil all night long.  
  
"Indeed." Akira took the cue, "Yuki, are you ready to go?" She nodded, and he helped her to her feet. "We should do lunch tomorrow, Soujiro. Figure out how you want to handle Tsukasa."  
  
"Right. I'll give you a call in the afternoon." Soujiro agreed. "Thanks again."  
  
"No prob. . . Sleep well, Makino."  
  
"'Night Tsukushi." Yuki echoed with a sweet smile, "I'll talk to you tomorrow!" Akira draped his arm back around her shoulder, and the two headed for the exit.  
  
Right before reaching the stairs down, Akira looked back over his shoulder and directed a slow wink and lazy smile at Soujiro.  
  
Tsukushi was fiddling with her now empty mug and failed to notice the look. However, she couldn't avoid hearing Soujiro's snort as he muttered under his breath, "If that meant what I think, then I don't owe him anything! He's getting paid in full tonight, that's for sure. Guy gets to be a hero."  
  
"Huh?" Tsukushi's ears perked up. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Oops. He hadn't meant to say it aloud. "Err.. nothing. . ."  
  
"Ummm." Tsukushi seemed to be deeply involved in examining the pseudo- woodgrain of the table top, "Yuki was very quiet. I wonder why?"  
  
Soujiro knew. He could tell the signs. The way Akira's arm was always around Yuki, or his hand entwined with hers. The way she had spent much of the conversation watching him, or gazing into his eyes. Yeah, Yuki had fallen for Akira. Hard. His role in the defense of Tsukushi certainly hadn't hurt matters either. He didn't doubt Akira would be reaping the rewards, if not tonight, then soon. He wondered if he should tell Tsukushi. She'd probably flip out. He didn't see why the girl was so twitchy when it came to the idea of sex. Akira was lucky that Yuki didn't seem to have picked up her friend's unhealthily puritan attitude. At least he knew that with Akira, the girl would have nothing to worry about. Akira knew what he was doing. Even his ex-girlfriends tended to adore him. Soujiro smiled to himself. No. he wasn't going to tell Tsukushi. Let her hear it from Yuki.  
  
Perhaps Tsukushi could read something of what was going through Soujiro's mind, or perhaps she understood more than she was willing to admit, for she suddenly burst out with an unexpected question.  
  
"Soujiro," she asked, continuing her intense perusal of the table, "What's sex like?"  
  
"Eh?!" He was rather taken aback. What kind of question was that coming from Tsukushi? Soujiro was too startled to formulate an adequate reply. Instead, he responded by pure reflex, reaching across the table to grasp Tsukushi's chin and tilt her face up 'till her eyes met his, "If you really want to know, I can show you. . ." He gave an inviting leer.  
  
Tsukushi withdrew as if his touch was poisonous. With a sudden snakelike motion, she slapped him across the face. "I was serious!" She slumped back into the corner of the seat.  
  
"Ow! What'd you do that for?" Soujiro held a hand to his injured cheek, "I was too!"  
  
Tsukushi's face seemed to close in on itself. "I'm leaving." How could I forget, even for a minute, what a player he is? She cursed herself mentally.  
  
"Hey wait! I'm sorry!" He grabbed her wrist before she could stand up.  
  
"Let me go." Tsukushi glared tiredly at him. "I don't have the energy for your games."  
  
"I'm not playing any. Look, I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn. But I'd really like to know, what do you have against sex anyway? What's the big deal? Why didn't you and Tsukasa ever. . . ?"  
  
"Why do you care!?" Tsukushi turned on Soujiro furiously, "Why don't you go back to your little playmates and leave me alone! I'm sure there's some bimbo around you can amuse yourself with tonight! Let me go!" she wrenched her wrist from his grasp and stood, turning away to pull her jacket on. "Damn it, I can't see straight, there must be something in my eyes," she muttered as uncontrollable tears streamed down her face. She didn't want Soujiro to see them. Hastily she wiped futilely at her eyes. Now where were the stairs again?  
  
Soujiro swiftly slid out from his seat and wrapped his arms around the sobbing girl. "Shh. calm down, Tsukushi. It was just a question. You don't have to answer." Damn, he hadn't been expecting quite such an overreaction. Maybe a slap or a glare. Not this. He wondered just what had provoked her outburst. Soujiro was intrigued, despite himself. Maybe there was more than just her usual puritanical streak at work?  
  
His chest was reassuringly solid against her back. Tsukushi gulped, trying to regain her equilibrium, "I'm sorry." She managed at last, "I don't know what came over me. You can let me go now."  
  
"S'ok" Soujiro murmured, not easing his hold on her waist in any way, "But I'm not releasing you till you tell me why."  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why you and Tsukasa never hooked up." He replied patiently.  
  
"Why is it so important?"  
  
"Well, given that he wants to kill me right now, I'm looking for reasons. Maybe there's something in that? It's obvious that he wants to. Come on, Tsukushi, you owe me. Is it really that hard to talk about?"  
  
"Oh, you're really one to talk!" Tsukushi twisted in his arms to glare up at him, "You never tell anyone anything!"  
  
"I talk to you." He maintained his reasonable tone, with difficulty.  
  
"Only under duress!"  
  
"Well, fine, you're under duress now. Besides you owe me! If Tsukasa kills me, I'm blaming you. You did say it was your fault, after all."  
  
"Asshole." He was right, however; she owed him. And maybe it would be good to talk about it with someone other than Yuki. "I give up" she sighed in resignation, "But not here."  
  
"Good girl." Soujiro pretended not to notice that as Tsukushi gave in, it seemed that the greater part of the strength that had been holding her up departed, and he was left supporting the weary girl. Not that he minded, really. She didn't weigh much. And she was cuddly. Even if she was an utter spaz. "Let's get out of here."  
  
He flicked open his cell phone, calling his chauffeur to come pick them up.  
  
"Where are we going?" Tsukushi asked tiredly, as Soujiro escorted her into the waiting vehicle.  
  
"My place." Soujiro decided, "It's quiet. No one else should be awake."  
  
"Oh." She didn't really care. Everything seemed to be fading into the distance. Nothing mattered particularly. Though she was distantly grateful that he wasn't forcing her to go to another hotel room. That she didn't think she could abide.  
  
--------  
  
Soujiro spent much of the ride home wondering what it was he was doing. Akira had been right, he really wasn't acting like himself at all anymore. 'What ever happened to the man who couldn't relate to women except in bed? Why did I start to care about Makino, of all people? A few months ago, she was just that 'immature weed-girl' in charge of taming the beast that is Tsukasa. And now, I actually care about her? And I've never even fucked her. . . There was a time when I would never have imagined taking a girl home for any reason. Hotel rooms, yes, but my personal space, never. Now, I'm taking Tsukushi. Why? Because I want to understand her, to figure out what's going on in that dense little head of hers? Do I really think I can do anything about her pain besides adding to it? Or is it just that I want her to understand me?' He stared moodily out the window. 'I'm an idiot. I should be out making love to that blonde from the party. Not here, going home with a confused girl who isn't sexy in the least.  
  
'But, unlike the other-Somehow, this feels right. . . . And damn the consequences.'  
  
Now if only he could give up the bad, and wholly unfulfilling habit of sleeping around. That would be real progress.  
  
----  
  
Tsukushi likewise was silent throughout the drive to Soujiro's family estate. She didn't understand what she was doing. It was bizarre how she had so easily fallen into the habit of trusting this inconsistent, moody man. At least Tsukasa was consistent in his stupidity. But she never knew what Soujiro was going to say or do next, or when he was going to have a sudden mood swing from cheerful to utterly depressed, or forget her utterly to chase loose women for that matter. Not that she was much better right now, she supposed, moping around like an idiot over Rui, and Tsukasa. Still, for some reason, it was easy to be around Soujiro. As easy as it had once been to talk to Rui-before he'd decided to pursue her so intently. Funny how she'd never noticed before how considerate and understanding he could be. Maybe it was simply because she'd been as fooled as everyone by his heartless philandering, into forgetting that there was a real person underneath. It must have been when she first watched the way he handled Yuki, that she began to realize that he was more than he seemed. Back then, she'd thought him cruel for rejecting Yuki the way he did, but relieved too- he'd known he was hurting her to avoid hurting her more later. But he'd changed even more since then. Now he didn't act so callously unfeeling all the time. It was as if he'd finally decided to admit to himself that he could feel something more than lust, or that he wasn't the horrible person he thought he was. And, Tsukushi decided, it was probably Yuki who had helped the most to bring out this side of him. Tsukushi almost smiled to herself. It would be so easy to get used to the way he put his arm around her, the casual way he acted like it was no big deal. Not like Tsukasa, who always made such a production out of everything. Their every contact had acted like an instant aphrodisiac to him. She'd never even been able to hold his hand without him wanting to kiss her right there. It was scary. Now, with Soujiro, on the other hand, it was his words that were scary. But she knew that he couldn't possibly be interested n her body. He'd said so many times before (which had usually resulted in Tsukasa punching him, she reflected ruefully). So it was nothing more than a friendly gesture when he hugged her. Right? Right.  
  
-----  
  
Fortunately for the state of both of their internal monologues, the car arrived at their destination at last.  
  
"Ahhh." Tsukushi yawned as she emerged from the car and stretched. "I'm so tired."  
  
"Silly woman. It's only midnight, this is when the real day begins!"  
  
"Bah. You only say that because you get to sleep all day! Some of us have school, and work! . . . And. . . It hasn't exactly been a very good week. . ."  
  
"Err, yeah." How could he have forgotten that already? "Why don't you go take a bath or something? It'll help wake you up."  
  
"What? Here? I don't have anything to change into. I don't want to put this outfit back on." She looked down with some dismay at her party clothes.  
  
"But they look so good on you. . ."  
  
"Don't say things like that!" Tsukushi exploded, "Damn it, you're making me blush again!"  
  
"Heh." Soujiro snickered, "Everything makes you blush, virgin-girl."  
  
"Jerk." Why is he being like this all of a sudden?  
  
"Hmm. . . " Soujiro looked thoughtful. "Ah! I know what you can wear.. . " He went to his closet and began rummaging deep in the back. Tsukushi could hear his low voice drifting out from the depths, almost as if he was talking to himself, ". . . Never could stand to throw these out. Even now. No point saving kidstuff. Didn't think they'd ever come in handy. . . Ah hah!" He emerged looking triumphant, a bundle of clothes in his hands, "Pajamas! These were my favorite pair back when I was little," his voice trailed off. . . Back when his eldest brother still lived at home and loved his family. . . loved him. . . "But then I outgrew them. Don't know why I never threw 'em out.," Memories of being chased down the hall by his brother, both of them in their PJ's, rolling on the floor in a tangled tickle fight, or beating pillows over each other's heads before collapsing in an exhausted heap. "They should fit you, ok. I think."  
  
Tsukushi took the proffered bundle and eyed it dubiously. Well worn flannel, the look of clothing too loved to be discarded. She could see old memories flickering across Soujiro's face, and wanted to ask what it was he was remembering. "Thanks," she hinted uncertainly, "They look like they meant a lot to you.. ."  
  
"Ah, It was a long time ago." Soujiro snapped out of his reverie, "Should've cleaned my closet years ago. Oh hey, I'll show you where the bathroom is."  
  
'There he goes, changing the subject again.' Tsukushi thought with a sigh. He's really very good at that.  
  
----------  
  
Later, Tsukushi emerged from the steaming water of the bath with a luxuriant "Aaaaahhhhhhhh," of pleasure. It was amazing what a good soak could do for one's spirits. Still, she mused, this was turning out to be another of those utterly surreal nights. There seemed to be way too many of those in her life. She dried off slowly, and turned to the pile of clothes. "Guess, it's time to find out how silly these are gonna make me look." Even a much-younger Soujiro was still longer limbed than she was now. Tsukushi rolled the sleeves and legs up a bit. "I look like someone's little sister, trying on hand-me-down clothes." She giggled into the mirror. "This is too weird."  
  
"Anyway, I guess I gotta go face the music. . ." Tsukushi sobered abruptly. "What the hell am I supposed to say? There's some things I really don't feel comfortable talking about.. . Hah. Maybe I can change the subject." She tiptoed down the long corridor back to Soujiro's room.  
  
"Hey, there you are." Soujiro had cleaned up too, and was reclining, shirtless, on his immaculately made-up bed. "Have a seat. Talk to me. You know the question."  
  
Tsukushi mutely sat down on the edge of the bed, thinking 'Damnit, Why do guys who are so attractive have to keep taking their shirts off around me?' she couldn't look at him, lest she faint of embarrassment.  
  
Soujiro massaged his forehead in exasperation, and sighed tiredly, "Tsukushi, You're cute and all, but you have absolutely no sex appeal, so stop giving me those looks like I'm going to rape you or something."  
  
At the word 'rape,' Tsukushi's whole body stiffened, and she stared off into the dark corners of the room, while slowly pulling herself into a fetal ball. Perhaps that was where she should start. . .  
  
The minutes passed, and still Tsukushi said nothing, merely hunched tensely on the edge of the bed. Soujiro watched intently, wondering what exactly, was going on in that perverse little head. After a while, he relented a bit and slid over behind her and began to absentmindedly rub Tsukushi's neck. He could wait all night if he had too, but he was going to get an answer. "Damn girl, Are you always this tense??"  
  
Tsukushi finally stirred at the sound of his voice, "I've been thinking. . . That that might be what one of the real problems was. . ."  
  
"What, that you don't know how to relax? Hell, I could have told you that."  
  
"No. . .That Doumyouji once tried to have me raped." Tsukushi replied slowly.  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Oh, come on, don't tell me that you didn't know! Back when you idiots first red-tagged me! Doumyouji paid a bunch of guys to attack me in the hall after school." Tsukushi almost spat the words out, as she let herself remember. "It took five of them to hold me down. The only thing that saved me was Rui. I always assumed that the rest of you knew too Why wouldn't you? The F4 was very close back then, bullying innocent people around just because you could!  
  
"Do you know what it's like being assaulted like that? . . . Of course you wouldn't. It's not easy dealing with something like that, even if they didn't succeed. I felt so helpless, out of control, alone. I'd always trusted in the innate goodness of people before then. That nothing that bad could ever happen to me.  
  
"I was so scared that I was wrong. And it all revolved around sex. You tell me now how a normal teenaged girl is supposed to react? I was terrified. Sex is supposed to be about love and trust, or so I thought, but my first lesson was that it was about violence and hate. . .  
  
"You want me to go on?" Her words were weary, as if it was something she'd been carrying around inside for far too long.  
  
"Ah, we. . . really didn't know. . " Soujiro mumbled apologetically, even as his clever fingers continued to work their magic on Tsukushi's spine, "You know what Tsukasa was like back then. Honestly, Akira and I pretty much ignored him when he got into one of his psychotic moods like that. And the fight with you was mostly all him, anyway. . . But that doesn't really excuse anything does it?" He stopped his gentle kneading, and slid his arms around Tsukushi's waist instead, prying her out of her fetal ball, and pulling her back against his chest, "I'd apologize again for Tsukasa, but you fell in love with him anyway, didn't you? And, I know you're not the sort of person who breaks over a near-rape. Hell, Tsukushi, I have faith that you'd bounce back from anything the world could throw at you. So, there's got to be more to it than that." He hugged her closely, enfolding her into his warmth.  
  
Tsukushi let herself relax into Soujiro's embrace as he spoke. Somehow, it was easier to talk about things with him. Sure, Soujiro's commentary seemed to miss the point completely, but he meant well. And he wasn't interrupting her to throw insults like Tsukasa would have, or giving her weird looks like Rui always did. And he didn't go trying to distract her with kisses like both of them would have. Yeah, Soujiro was comfortable to talk to because he refused to see her as a girl. More like an animated teddy bear or something. An animated teddy bear with emotional problems. Great.  
  
"Well. . ." Tsukushi hesitated a second more before plunging ahead. "You remember the first day of school after getting back from summer break in Atami. . . The day that Doumyouji seriously snapped."  
  
Tsukushi felt more than saw Soujiro's slow nod. He didn't think he liked where this story was heading.  
  
"After school. I forgot my stuff on the emergency stairs. And when I turned around, Tsukasa was standing there. He was really scary, with that cold snakelike look in his eyes.. ."  
  
"The feral beast-look," Soujiro agreed. "The one right before he maims something. . . I saw that this evening."  
  
"Yeah, that one." Tsukushi's hands restlessly writhed beneath Soujiro's until he laced his fingers with hers, "He.. . he pinned me down, Said it was all my fault, that I was going to have to pay. . . It was the first time that I'd ever been afraid of one man. I couldn't move, couldn't escape him." She drew a deep breath, "I 'm sure you think I'm silly, but I was terrified. He kissed me, and started to undo my shirt. . . And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it! . . . I still don't know what made him stop. But I'd never felt so powerless in my life. . .  
  
"He never apologized for that either." She added bitterly.  
  
"The thing that scares me the most, though, is that he wasn't in control of himself then. And, later, whenever we talked about love. . Our relationship, he always talked about how I made him lose control of his passion. To him everything is always all or nothing. I want to kiss him so badly sometimes, but I can't because if I do, he says he'll lose control and never stop. . . And I believe him.  
  
"There was this one time. . . when we were dating secretly, I sneaked into his mansion. We were making out," here Tsukushi blushed, "but he was moving too fast. I was scared. But he said he couldn't stop. I wasn't allowed to have limits. . Luckily, Tsubaki walked in on us.  
  
"I don't even think we could have sat here like this, now, without him losing control.  
  
"What's wrong with taking things slowly? I'm just a normal girl. It means a lot to me, and I'm afraid to rush things. Maybe it would be easier if he hadn't scared me so at the beginning, or if he wasn't so intense about everything. Or if we didn't keep getting interrupted, but really, I think it never happened because. . ."  
  
"Tsukasa's an idiot." Soujiro broke into her ramble.  
  
"That `wasn't what I as going to say."  
  
"But it's true. A man's got to learn patience. Women don't like being rushed."  
  
"You are so full of shit, Soujiro." Tsukushi flamed up, forcing herself out of her distanced recollections, "You talk big, but who the hell was it who kept locking me in rooms with guys, to speed things up?"  
  
"Yeah well, you and Rui had all night. . . that was plenty of time. You should've hooked up with him, I bet he would've showed you the way.. . "  
  
"You are incorrigible!"  
  
"Actually," Soujiro mused, ignoring her outburst, "I think the problem is that Tsukasa's a virgin.. . "  
  
"You're always putting us down because we haven't done it! What the hell makes you special enough to put on such airs? At least I've been in love!"  
  
"Ouch." Soujiro gave Tsukushi an enigmatic look, which thankfully, she couldn't see. "I'm serious. He needs to get it out of his system. You freak out about every little thing because you're nervous about something you've never done. And Tsukasa is too concerned with the main event to notice what fun the sideshows can be."  
  
"Sideshows?" Tsukushi twisted her neck up to frown at Soujiro, "You are so weird."  
  
"Want me to show you?"  
  
"No. . .no thanks!"  
  
"Oh well," Soujiro sighed regretfully, "Maybe some other time. . ." He wondered if Tsukushi realized that what he was doing right now could fall into the category of things he'd just mentioned. Probably not. He closed his eyes and savored the sensation of Tsukushi's small hands entwined with his, the softness of her hair as she leaned against his shoulder, the slow rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.  
  
She almost made him feel as if he could become a whole person again.  
  
Tsukushi herself, was relaxing more and more, despite herself. It was so hard to remain nervous around Soujiro, and so easy to simply fall asleep in the warm cradle of his arms. Though nothing had been solved, no troubles vanquished, it was easy to imagine that in the morning she'd be able to awake and face anything. Just by listening to her, and by giving her a shoulder to cry on, Soujiro helped her to find the strength to go on.  
  
All she needed now was a resolution. What would she do? She didn't think she could go back to Tsukasa. Not after all that had been said and done. She couldn't trust him. He didn't trust her. It would be hard to tell him so, but the stage had already been set. She told herself it wouldn't hurt any more than her conversation with Rui had. She just hoped that she could get Tsukasa to listen to her. It wouldn't do either of them to end up in another shouting match. How could you reach an understanding like that? It wasn't possible.  
  
Tsukushi was beginning to drift off into sleep, when Soujiro's low voice jolted her back awake He'd been thinking about all the reasons Tsukasa could want to kill him, as if what he was doing right now wasn't condemnation enough, and he'd come suddenly to the realization that there really was one true thing that could bring about his downfall. The bet to see who could seduce Tsukushi. This awareness was followed almost instantly by the realization that he didn't care so much if Tsukasa knew about it-but he did care very much if Tsukushi found out. He wanted her to like him, to trust him. All that he'd been working for would be destroyed if Tsukushi found out in the wrong way. He'd hoped she never would. But, in case Tsukasa knew. . . he'd better tell her. . . Soujiro clenched his jaw, firmed his resolve, and spoke.  
  
"Tsukushi, I need to tell you something."  
  
She was alarmed by the sudden seriousness in his tone. Her eyes snapped open, as tension electrified her body. "Huh?" was all she managed to say.  
  
". . . But you got to promise not to hit me 'til I'm finished," He held her hands more firmly.  
  
"What is it?" She was definitely awake now.  
  
And so, Soujiro recited his story, ". . . So you see," he began his conclusion, "I couldn't do it. When we were on the dance floor, something just took me by surprise. I just couldn't treat you like the others. I shouldn't have even tried. . ."  
  
Tsukushi listened to his words in silence, though she had had to restrain herself from slapping him when he said, "And so we had the idea to make a bet over you." As if she were a gaming piece or trophy, indeed! But her anger couldn't last, not when he sounded so genuinely sorry for what had begun as utterly callous behavior. Still, one question remained. . .  
  
"Why are you telling me this now?" Well actually, that wasn't the only question. Others, such as, 'What made you change your mind?' and 'How could you have even considered doing such a heartless thing?' sprang to mind, but she ruthless tamped them down before they could reach her lips.  
  
"Well, umm. . . ." Soujiro hesitated. The truth would scare her off. He couldn't possibly tell her that he was telling her because he thought he might be falling for her. No. And if he said it was because he was afraid of her finding out from someone else, he'd appear too calculating. So how about this? "I don't want you to ever think that I'm doing anything simply because of a stupid dare." That was ambiguous enough, he hoped.  
  
But not ambiguous enough. "Then. . ." Tsukushi thought it over, "Why are you being so nice to me?"  
  
"Because. . . "Soujiro replied at length, after he'd hit on a safe answer, "You do the same for me."  
  
"Ah." Tsukushi could accept that. Almost. But now her thought were wandering down another track entirely and she spoke almost without conscious volition, "Soujiro, why aren't you ever happy?" His tale had brought back to mind the conversation they'd had on the dance floor that fateful night. She'd told him then that he was empty, that his life was meaningless without passion, but she'd never understood why he couldn't bring himself to be happy. Even with what little she knew of his troubled family, she didn't understand why he couldn't bring himself to feel some joy in the little things in life.  
  
Soujiro didn't answer for some time. Tsukushi only knew he was still awake by the way his fingertips still entertained themselves by gently stroking her palms.  
  
"Well?" She twisted her neck around in a vain attempt to see what was written on Soujiro's face, "Didn't I embarrass myself enough answering your question earlier? Now it's your turn."  
  
"What's there to be happy about?" When he did speak at last, Soujiro's voice was shocking in its bitterness. "My family can't make up its mind just how to destroy itself. I'm stuck with the responsibility of carrying on 18 fucking generations of tradition. I've got three, no four, friends in the entire world, and three of those, though they've known me since I was two, still don't understand me. And they probably never will." He sounded weary and sad, "My social life consists of getting drunk and picking up girls. It gets old. I've been doing it for years; now I've dug myself a rut too deep to be escaped from. . . And you wonder why I'm not happy." Silently he added, "Not to mention the fact that I'm falling for a girl who is not only loved by two of my best friends, but who loves one back, even though he can't make her happy either."  
  
"It's never too late to make a change." Tsukushi murmured. "You just need to find something to give you hope."  
  
If only she knew.  
  
Soujiro didn't reply. He was too busy gazing down at the top of her head, pondering her words. It wasn't true anymore that he was never happy. He was happy when he was with Tsukushi. If there was anything that could give him hope, it would be her. He was not about to tell her this, and so they sat in companionable silence.  
  
Eventually Tsukushi felt her eyelids drooping, as sleep came to claim her. She was far too comfortable by now, not to mention exhausted from the night's events, to fight it. Without realizing a thing, she slipped away into unconsciousness, still wrapped in Soujiro's warm embrace.  
  
As for Soujiro, he had to admit to a certain satisfaction at the way things were turning out so far. Tsukushi really was so innocent, almost too trusting for her own good. Soujiro looked down at her sleeping face-in sleep, she was even more appealing than when awake. It made him want to do more than just cuddle, despite all his words about her lack of sex appeal. But, as he wanted to retain her trust, and to eventually win more than that, he decisively quashed the images that percolated through his mind. Gently, Soujiro lifted Tsukushi's inert body, so that he could tuck her under the covers. It amazed him how she could just sleep through anything. Soujiro dared to brush a swift kiss across her forehead, then climbed into the bed behind the sleeping girl.  
  
Sure, he could have moved her to one of the house's many guest rooms, or gone himself. But, now that he had Tsukushi right where he wanted her, Soujiro wasn't about to let her go. Not for anything. And damned be the consequences in the morning. Unconsciously, one arm reached out to snake around her waist and pull her closer till he could feel her body pressed close against his. Soujiro smiled in satisfaction and contented himself with briefly nuzzling at Tsukushi's smooth and eminently tempting neck, before he too drifted off into a blissful sleep.  
  
To be continued.  
  
  
  
yeah yeah, I know, This chapter is too bloody long and it drags. It was a real bitch to write too. I'm just glad it's done at last. Though I'm annoyed that I'm writing on a Friday instead of going out. But that's what I get for having lame friends, and having to work tomorrow. With a little luck, I should end this fic in 5 chapters or fewer. Hopefully fewer. 


	21. a rude awakening

Doumyouji prowled the night. He refused to go home. He was not going to let his sister tie him up again. Nor would he jump through her training hoops anymore. No, he would remain free, unfettered, as he roamed the empty streets. He could not have slept even if he wanted to.  
  
Oh, he knew exactly where Tsukushi must be right now. He had no doubts whatsoever. His sixth sense always told him where she was. If he were to close his eyes, even for a second, he would feel her magnetic pulling drawing him onward.  
  
She was with Nishikado. At His house.  
  
Probably in his bed.  
  
Doumyouji seethed with unrepressed fury, and fought the urge to roar his anguish to the uncaring night.  
  
His fertile imagination told him all the things that they could be doing now-all the things that he'd always wanted to do to Tsukushi.  
  
It was driving him mad.  
  
But still he wandered the night, refusing to go to that which called him. Refusing to witness the truth of what his mind's eye saw, his feet circumscribed a spiral path through the streets. Incrementally closer, he crept to the Nishikado estate, now coming within several blocks, now retracing his footsteps further away.  
  
There would be a confrontation come the dawn. Of that, there could be no doubt.  
  
------  
  
The morning broke dark and grey. An icy winter fog wreathed the city, as its many residents reluctantly stumbled awake. No one likes to wake on a Saturday, and that held truer than usual on this day. . .  
  
"Hey 'Jiro! Wake up! You have a visitor!" Soujiro was jolted awake at the most ungodly hour of 6:30 AM, by his little brother's screeching at his open door.  
  
His first thought was panic. It simply would not do for him to be found at home with a girl in his bed. What would his mother think?!  
  
Quickly, that spike of fear was replaced by relief, as he realized that Tsukushi wasn't there at all. The bed was still warm where she'd been nestled up beside him, but where had she gone? Soujiro forced it out of his mind as he retorted sharply, "Don't you ever knock? Who is it?" Who could be calling at this ridiculously early hour? He didn't have long to wait for an answer to that one, as his brother was roughly shoved aside by the glowering figure of Tsukasa. . .  
  
--------  
  
Tsukushi had awoken to find herself in a most compromising position. With one out-flung arm across Soujiro's bare chest, and a leg draped over his, she had unconsciously cuddled up to his side. Starting wide-awake, she cautiously disentangled herself, "This is starting to be a bad habit," She reprimanded herself. Still, she had to admit, it didn't really feel that wrong, though she knew she should worry about the potential behavior of the feckless playboy beside her. . . "I'm an idiot." She sighed mentally, "No one would ever believe me if I told them I slept with Nishikado Soujiro twice, and nothing happened. . . . He really is more of a gentleman then he lets on." Still shaking her head, she gazed down at the boy in question. He looked so much more peaceful in his sleep. The sharp angles and planes of his face smoothed out and the hint of a genuine smile lifted his lips. He really was very good looking. It was hard not to be attracted to someone who looked like him, and he truly was a better man than he'd admit to. . . Tsukushi shook herself. What was she thinking? The boy was a good friend and nothing more! "Then why," a nagging voice in her head asked her, "are you sleeping with him - again? You never trusted Tsukasa not to do something perverted, how can you possibly trust this leering player, if he's 'just a friend'?"  
  
"He thinks I'm a sexless teddy-bear!" she desperately protested this inner accusation.  
  
"Yeah right." The mental voice mocked, "How much longer are you going to delude yourself? Do you even listen to your friends? Do you ever listen to yourself? What are you going to do?"  
  
"I. . I just don't know."  
  
Staring down through the dim morning light at the man beside her, Tsukushi tried to sort out how she felt about him. She trusted Soujiro, told him things she'd only before told Yuki, or kept entirely to herself. She liked to see his smiling face, felt a cold hand clutch her heart when he was sad. And he was kind to her; he helped her with her school work, sought her out when she was low. And he listened to her. He didn't try to do anything, didn't push her around, not like Tsukasa, and he didn't think it was his business to save her from her every mistake like Rui. So too, he was willing to talk to her, to open up and tell her the truth. And he was very, very cuddly. A slow flush crept up her cheeks as she remembered relaxing into his arms last night, feeling his body pressed up against hers, encircling her almost completely. The feel of his warm breath tickling her ear, and his fingers toying with hers. It had been so very pleasant, almost. . . seductive.  
  
Is that what he had intended? The idea shocked her. It couldn't be! He was just a very physical kind of guy. Really.  
  
"You'd like him to do some more of that, wouldn't you?" The insidious voice in her skull was back.  
  
Tsukushi paused. Did she like him? As a friend, oh yes, she liked him a lot. But as more than that? She didn't know. It was hard to know her own mind, when she was still torn up over Tsukasa. There was no need to be hasty, she reassured herself. She didn't want to do anything she'd regret, or say anything that might come back to haunt her.  
  
Besides, who knew what the new day would bring?  
  
She didn't even notice how much better she felt today, as if she could take control of her life again. Sure, she was confused as all hell, but somehow during the night, she'd regained her vitality, the Tsukushi fighting spirit. It was good to be awake and alive again. There were things to be done, and choices to be made. She would make them, and do what had to be done. . . As soon as she figured out just what that was.  
  
Stealthily, she eased herself out of bed, gasping in the cold morning air, before padding down the hall to the bathroom.  
  
She was in the middle of washing her face when she heard raised voices down the hall. . . "Oh Shit!" she muttered as she turned off the icy water, "That sounds like Doumyouji." The realization was more bracing than even the freezing cold water had been just moments before.  
  
-----  
  
"Where is she?" Doumyouji's voice was frigidly calm; the grating tone of death warmed over.  
  
"Who?" Soujiro decided to pretend ignorance, after all, he really didn't know where Tsukushi had slipped off to. "And what the hell are you doing in my room? Don't you know what time it is, Tsukasa?"  
  
"Don't play the fool, Nishikado. What have you done to my Tsukushi?"  
  
At this, Soujiro sat up in bed, throwing off his blankets as he did so, "Your Tsukushi? I wasn't aware that she belonged to you." He forced himself to remain calm. He had done nothing wrong, after all. Still, he could see the muscles in Tsukasa's jaw clenching, as the bigger boy fought to keep his cool. It was then that Tsukasa's eye was drawn by something glinting in the disarrayed sheets of the bed-a very familiar necklace with the Saturn emblem lay nestled where it had broken from Tsukushi's neck as she slept.  
  
"What have you done?" Tsukasa's eyes were locked on Soujiro's. His voice was low and menacing, as if, at any second, he could spring to tear out his friend's throat.  
  
"None of your business." It was not Soujiro who spoke, but Tsukushi. She stood, quiet as a shadow, in the hall behind Tsukasa. She breathed deeply, and promised herself that she would not yell, would not lash out with a vicious slap or kick. She would speak rationally, calmly, until she'd said her mind.  
  
"What do you mean, not my concern?" Tsukasa turned to face Tsukushi. "You fucked Soujiro, didn't you? How could you do that to me? To us? I love you and you betray me like this? There's nothing in the world that matters more. And you say it's none of my business," He sneered viciously, and began to stalk towards Tsukushi, "How did it feel? Was it good for you? Did you enjoy trampling on my heart as you opened your legs for him? Wasn't I good enough for you? No, you had to turn to the pro. So tell me, was it worth it?"  
  
Doumyouji's inexorable advance trapped Tsukushi against the wall.  
  
"You're making a big mistake." Tsukushi refused to be intimidated. "You don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Oh, I don't, do I? Then why are you here? Where did you sleep last night? Or was it sleep at all you were getting?"  
  
"Tsukasa. That's enough." Soujiro had taken the opportunity provided by Tsukasa's distraction to get out of bed. He now stood just out of the range of Tsukasa's fists.  
  
"Oh, so you do speak for yourself." Tsukasa sneered at Soujiro without ever taking his eyes off Tsukushi's face. "What do you want with Tsukushi?" He wanted to hear Soujiro dismiss her as casually as he did his other women. He wanted the words to punish Tsukushi for her betrayal, and to damn Soujiro so that he could kill this traitorous man.  
  
"Oh. . . " Soujiro crossed his arms across his bare chest, as if to try and warm himself. He looked thoughtful a moment, then, as if a decision had been reached, he grinned, incongruously, considering the situation, and spoke, "I expect that I want the same thing you do."  
  
"What?" Tsukasa spun to face him at last. Even Tsukushi looked confused.  
  
"Yeah," Soujiro locked gazes with Tsukasa once more, "I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen to me, and listen well." He paused again, and started slowly, as if reflecting on events a long distance away.  
  
"You know, I don't think I've ever stood up to you in my whole life. Sad, isn't it? You always got your way, even when we were little. You always bullied us into doing what you wanted. I think the first time any one of us stood in your way was Rui. . . Who knew that we'd end up fighting over a girl?"  
  
Soujiro began to speak more forcefully now, "But Now you've really gone too far. Do you even know what you've done to Tsukushi? What she's gone through for your sake? Have you any idea how many tears that girl has shed because of you? You selfish asshole. You never did understand anything. I don't know how you can stand there and sneer at the woman who loved you more than anything.  
  
"You should try talking to Tsukushi for once. Instead of trying to change her, mold her into an obedient toy, you should have asked her what She wanted, listened to Her fears, Her Needs. That's what a boyfriend does! But not you. You only cared about yourself, what Tsukushi could do for you. You're not worthy of her love.  
  
"Still, I'll tell you this, and I know you won't believe me when I say-I never touched Tsukushi, not like you seem to think. But I still know more of her than you ever will, because unlike you, I trust her. . .And, I hope, she trusts me.  
  
"And you ask me, what is it I want from her? The same thing you should want. I want her to be happy. Because when she smiles, the world lights up. But, for myself, I want one little thing more, and again, it's the same thing you want," Soujiro smiled slightly, as if Tsukasa were not looming over him like a vision of Armageddon, "I would like her to kiss me."  
  
To be continued. . .  
  
Ok If I were good, I'd finish the fight this chapter. But I'm sleepy. So it'll have to wait. 


	22. understanding nothing

Curdled chokes on her tea over imagery of Soujiro resembling anything as harmless as a kitten. Man, I shouldn't read my reviews over breakfast. So much for cuteness break. Angst ensues.   
  
Both Tsukasa and Tsukushi were staring at him. Soujiro let his eyes refocus on Doumyouji's brick red face, "I'm in for it now," he told himself as Doumyouji fought apoplexy to force out his own words.  
  
". . . You. . .Dare. . ?!" Tsukasa choked out in disbelief. That one of his own comrades could betray him so, and not only turn on him, but accuse him of being the one at fault?! Why, he was the victim here! What the hell? The evidence lay before him! How could Soujiro stand there and lie with a straight face, when he could see the truth reflecting in a broken necklace. He stretched out one trembling finger to point toward where it lay. "Tsukushi," he almost pled, "lie to me. Tell me that it isn't what I think."  
  
Tsukushi pushed past him, striding to the bed to pick up the sadly gleaming emblem. She looked very sad. "Oh, Doumyouji.' She sighed, "You won't believe the truth. Why should you believe a lie?" She was still in shock over Soujiro's admission, but right now, she had to put that aside and deal with Tsukasa, while she still maintained some of her self-possession. "I really loved you, so much it hurt. I would have done almost anything for you, except change who I was. But you couldn't accept that. It was never enough for you, was it?  
  
"I thought love was supposed to make me happy. But it's brought me far more pain." She looked down at the necklace puddled in her cupped hands, "I wasn't weak enough to give in to you, and I'm not strong enough to continue to love where there is no trust. Are you?  
  
"Do you really still love me?" Tears began to form in her eyes, as she continued, "I can't believe you could stand there and accuse me of all those terrible things if you still loved me."  
  
"Tsukushi. . ." Tsukasa tried to interrupt.  
  
"Hold on, I'm not done yet." Tsukushi stood firm, "Last night, All I wanted was to make you understand. I needed to hear you say that you understood why I was angry; that you'd try to trust me a little more; that you'd believe that I never wanted to hurt you. But I couldn't do it. And you wouldn't listen.  
  
"I'm not strong enough to fight anymore. Not when I don't know if what we had is still worth fighting for." Tsukushi stepped up to Tsukasa, and regretfully placed the broken Saturn necklace in his frozen hand. "I don't know what you were told, or what you think is going on here, but last night, when I needed it most, Soujiro gave me a shoulder to cry on. He told me I should give you another chance. If you hadn't come raging after us, I would have. But I can't now.  
  
"It's over."  
  
Tsukasa looked down in disbelief at the object he now held. Even he wasn't too dense to understand the symbolism.  
  
"So that's it?" He looked stunned. "You're choosing Soujiro over me?"  
  
Tsukushi groaned and buried her head in her hands. She didn't think she could take much more of this. Sinking to the floor in frustration, she tried again. "Don't you get it? It's not about him! It's about Us! You. And. Me. I'm not leaving you for him. I'm leaving you for me. Because I can't play this stupid game any longer."  
  
"Do you love him?" Doumyouji just didn't know when to let well enough alone.  
  
"No," Tsukushi whispered despairingly into her hands, "I love you."  
  
"Then Why?" Doumyouji didn't cope well with ambiguity. If she loved him, she should be with him, If she didn't, then it must be because she loved someone else. . .  
  
Soujiro had been watching this exchange with worry. He could see how hard Tsukushi was fighting to stay calm, how she was willing Tsukasa to understand with every fiber of her being. Still, she was failing. And Tsukasa, though he was no longer raving, still refused to see how much pain he was causing the woman he claimed to love. Soujiro wondered if Tsukasa had forgotten him, as he focused so intently on the girl at his feet.  
  
He shouldn't have.  
  
Soujiro thought back to all Tsukushi had told him last night, and previously. All the terrible things Tsukasa had said to her, the intentional cruelties, and the unthinking ones. Who the hell pays people to rape a girl? And then expects her to trust him? To love him, even? Not to mention how he assaulted her sense of self, tried to undermine her independence, her self-reliance-all that made her the magnificent person that she was. And then, Tsukasa tried to manipulate her with guilt, playing on her love-- throwing around words like trust as if he knew what they meant, to force her to do what he wanted.  
  
It reminded Soujiro of all that he hated most about his own father.  
  
He hated it when people used the love others bore them to manipulate, to coerce, and to betray. He knew what it was to be taken for granted, to feel that your love was an unrequited obligation. He knew what it was like when loved ones refused to take responsibility for the pain they caused. He knew the frustration of feeling your own love crumble to ashes, when your stressed soul couldn't take the abuse anymore.  
  
He hated having to see Tsukushi worn down by Tsukasa's unremittingly selfish persistence.  
  
He hated the way Tsukasa acted as though everyone else was at fault and him the innocent victim.  
  
"Get out of my house!" Soujiro could feel long suppressed rage searing through his voice as he launched himself at Tsukasa. All the anger and frustration he'd built up inside through years of watching his family crumble now found its substitute target in the shape of the curly-haired fiend now tormenting an innocent girl.  
  
Doumyouji's eyes swiveled to stare at this new threat. Unconsciously, he dropped into a defensive pose to meet Soujiro's attack.  
  
Neither boy noticed Tsukushi's reaction in time to stop her from jumping to her feet and interposing herself between them.  
  
"No!" She barked, too late to stop Soujiro from barreling into her, and domino-like, impelling the both of them into Tsukasa. He, still in his defensive stance, withstood the combined impact, catching Tsukushi by her shoulders before she could trip and hit the floor.  
  
"Damnit, Tsukushi. What'd you do that for?" Soujiro cursed as he quickly untangled himself and retreated.  
  
"You're just going to get hurt. Don't be an idiot." She replied quietly, even as she wrenched herself free from Doumyouji's grasp. "There's no need for you to fight. It's not your battle anyway." She looked away, refusing to meet Soujiro's eyes.  
  
"Like hell it isn't!" Soujiro vehemently disagreed, "He comes storming into my house, accusing me of all sorts of nonsense, and generally behaving like an idiot. You don't want me to fight your battles for you, fine. But I'm going to fight my own, goddamnit!" He gazed levelly at Tsukasa, daring him to make a move.  
  
Doumyouji eyed Soujiro warily. It wouldn't be a real problem to take on Soujiro. It would probably be very satisfying to pound him to a pulp. But. . . Even he didn't think this was a battle that could be won with force. He was losing the war of words heavily; they'd never been his strong suit. He only had one trump card left. One thing to say to convince Tsukushi she was making a mistake placing her trust in this fool. He couldn't know that she already knew what he as about to say. Harshly, his words grated out, as he stared unflinchingly into Soujiro's face, "Did you tell her what this is really all about?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Soujiro was taken aback at this verbal attack.  
  
Tsukasa turned now to face Tsukushi again, "Did you know that all this, is for the sake of a dare? You stand there and defend a man who only ever wanted you to satisfy a bet. Did you really believe his pretty words? I heard the truth. This whole charade is a lie. And you fell for it."  
  
"No. . . ." Tsukushi choked out.  
  
"Yes. " Doumyouji held out his hand toward her, "Now do you see? Come with me, and I'll leave. We can work things out. . ."  
  
"No," Tsukushi shook her head more forcefully, "It's not like that at all." She straightened, and continued to speak, "I told you, this isn't about Nishikado. It's about you and me. We can't work things out. It's far too late for that now. Maybe we could have once, but the moment's gone. Forever. . . And you're wrong, anyway. He told me about the wager, you see. And yeah, I was mad. But it doesn't change a thing. I can't leave with you."  
  
Doumyouji let his outstretched hand drop. He looked defeated. "And you're still choosing him?"  
  
Tsukushi growled in frustration. "Didn't you listen to a word I said? Please, Tsukasa, please just go away." She felt as though nothing she said was getting through to him. This was so futile. Maybe she'd kicked him in the head one time too many and he just wasn't capable of understanding spoken language anymore? She decided the best thing to do was to ignore him, in hopes he'd give up and leave her alone. Or maybe she should have let Soujiro carry out his useless attack; at least it would have kept her from having to repeat herself endlessly.  
  
Feeling exhausted, she let herself slump back to the floor and rested her head on her knees.  
  
The two men remained frozen, glaring at each other across the room.  
  
"Do you get it yet?" Soujiro taunted, "You're only making things worse. What do you think you're trying to do to her? If you really cared about her happiness you'd get the hell out, and leave her alone! You're no good for her, all you do is make each other unhappy. Why don't you go? Stop dragging this out. Can't you see, you're breaking her heart?" He didn't care anymore if he was inciting Doumyouji to rage, he just wanted Tsukasa to see how miserable Tsukushi was, and how he was the one responsible.  
  
Amazingly, it actually seemed to work.  
  
Doumyouji's eyes lingered on Makino's hunched-over form, and his shoulders sagged as the fight leached out of him bit by bit. "You're the only one I ever loved." He whispered reproachfully at the top of her head.  
  
Things could never be the same between them. Rationally, he knew this. Emotionally, he couldn't accept it, not yet. But he would have to try. . . .  
  
Looking like the world was crushing him, Tsukasa turned and made his way out of the chilly mansion.  
  
To be continued.. .  
  
Ack. Curdled types while curled into the fetal ball of misery. Only the second day of term and already I hate my life. WTF was I thinking when I chose my career path? Not to mention the thrice damned mice. Angst oozes from every pore onto the page. I've got to stop referring to myself in the third person.  
  
So, I think that I'm writing Tsukushi pretty OOC, and Tsukasa too for that matter. But really, it's a pain to write her as tongue-tied and spastic as she is in the manga. And the Tsukasa /Tsukushi dynamic of comfortable bickering really doesn't work in my story. So fuck it. I don't even know why I'm bothering to mention this here. 


	23. what now?

In Soujiro's room, it was very quiet.  
  
Tsukushi continued to sit on the floor. With a last disbelieving look at the door, as if not convinced that Tsukasa really had left, Soujiro went and slouched into a seat on his bed.  
  
Neither spoke. The weighted silence conveyed the sense of unfulfillment. Was this it? Really? No violence, just an uncomfortable emptiness. . . And what now?  
  
Tsukushi was the first to break the spell. Twisting her head, bird-like, to peer at Soujiro's bowed head, she began hesitantly, "What you said. . . ."  
  
"Forget it." Soujiro wanted to deny his impassioned speech, "I don't know what came over me." Unlike Tsukasa, he had understood her words. And really, it was not a surprise that she didn't feel the same way about him that he felt for her.  
  
Tsukushi relented a little, or else she felt the need for some form of comfort, for she got up and sat down again on a patch of floor next to Soujiro's feet. "It was very sweet. But. . ." she managed.  
  
"You don't need to say it." It came out more harshly than he'd intended.  
  
"I like you, Soujiro. I don't want to lose you too. . . ButIdidn'tleaveTsukasaforyou." She finished in a rush. It really was important that he understood. She couldn't face the thought of dating another so soon, much less falling in love again.  
  
"I know." He sighed, "I'm not going to get that kiss, am I?" he said it lightly, to show he was only teasing, yet still she could hear the wistful echoes of truth behind the words.  
  
"No." Tsukushi shook her head regretfully.  
  
"Do. . . Do you think you might give me a chance sometime?" Soujiro wasn't used to feeling so hesitant around a woman. But then, it had never been so important to him before either.  
  
Tsukushi swallowed hard. She couldn't just say no, and risk losing the friendship they now had. But now she wanted a friend. Not a boyfriend. Maybe that would change. How could she know, now? He was cute, though, 'not to mention sweet, cuddly. . .' She stopped herself, before her train of thought jumped the tracks completely. 'Also utterly hedonistic, overly flirtatious, elitist. Ok. Stop that.' He was expecting some sort of answer. "I'll think about it, OK?"  
  
"That's all I'm asking," Soujiro smiled slightly. Better than nothing. He'd stake his reputation as a playboy that he'd win this one. Though. . . if he did, would he truly be a playboy any longer? Hmm. . . That reminded him. . . "Can I sleep with you again, at least?" Soujiro slipped from his perch on the bed to sit next to Tsukushi, slipping an arm around her shoulders as he did so.  
  
". . . you've got really screwed up priorities," Tsukushi fought the hysterical urge to laugh. 'It's not that funny,' she sternly reminded herself, 'you're just a bit on edge right now. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. . . Oh shit. . ' she started to giggle.  
  
"Hey, stop that!" Soujiro looked offended, as he watched Tsukushi struggling to avoid hysterics.  
  
"I'm. . . not. . your teddy bear!" Tsukushi managed to gasp out.  
  
"Did I ever say that you were? I'm not interested in a stuffed animal, when there's a woman in the house."  
  
"Pervert!"  
  
"You didn't seem to mind last night!"  
  
"I was tired!" Tsukushi blushed, "Don't go getting ideas!"  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't dare!" Soujiro insincerely reassured her, "Come on, I'm hungry. Let's go see what there is for breakfast." He stood up and helped Tsukushi to her feet, thinking 'The only idea I've got right now, is not to let her slip away.' Keeping this in mind, Soujiro slyly maintaining his grip on her hand, even after she'd stood up.  
  
Tsukushi didn't seem to mind.  
  
Hah, maybe this could work out after all.  
  
There was really only one way to find out. . .  
  
  
  
  
  
-------  
  
*Epilogue*  
  
A few weeks later, the fallout was finally beginning to settle. Tsukushi fought off depression with her old fighting spirit. It helped that she kept herself too busy to worry over things that couldn't be helped. Undoubtedly, extended cuddle-time with Soujiro would have helped more, but she refused to allow herself that luxury.  
  
Last Tsukushi'd heard, Tsubaki had found Tsukasa wandering the streets of Tokyo in a daze. After listening to his incoherent babble, she'd understood the gist of the problem; to wit-he'd fucked up so severely that Tsukushi was never coming back to him. Of course, this had made Tsubaki utterly furious. Screaming imprecations about her half-wit of an incompetently stupid, shit-for-brains, no-good, worthless brother, she'd packed him off to New York, much to their mother's satisfaction. Tsubaki had called Tsukushi from there, just once, to apologize for her brother. In the background, Tsukushi had heard Kaede and Tsukasa screaming at each other.  
  
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Tsukushi would have been satisfied if she could manage to forgive Tsukasa, and to forget how much it still hurt that she hadn't been able to make things work between them.  
  
Still, it was a relief to not have him lurking around Eitoku, like a gloomy shadow. At least in New York, it could be hoped that he'd work some of his frustration out crushing others on the Doumyouji Corporation's behalf. Or maybe he'd just wear himself out fighting with his parents. Either way, he was gone. For how long, no one knew-hopefully it would be long enough.  
  
As for Rui, he seemed to have retreated back into himself. Being well on the way toward winter now, it was too cold to hang out on the emergency stairs, but Rui did start coming to school and chilling with Soujiro and Akira. When he thought she wasn't looking, he would still watch Tsukushi intently, as if searching for some kind of sign. After the first week or so, Tsukushi got over her discomfort enough to start speaking to him again. But things were never as comfortable as they had been. One thing was sure, Rui watched Soujiro like a hawk. But certain subjects always went unspoken of.  
  
And what about Asai? Why should she now receive what she so richly deserved? After all, she had gotten away with her underhanded tricks and schemes for so long already; how could one expect her to get her reward for this latest deed? Because Sakurako took an interest, that's why. After beating a version of the story out of Kazuya after her ruined party, Sakurako had spent the rest of the night dreaming up delicious forms of torture for the blond bitch. However, in the cold light of morning, she'd finally had to admit to herself that even her thuggish contacts weren't likely to punish Asai enough. So, she turned instead to a group that would be only too willing to heap degradation and abuse upon the designated target. . .  
  
A few days later, Asai was most unpleasantly surprised to find a red tag adorning her locker. Sakurako watched gleefully, as Asai's former friends turned on her instantly. Soujiro and Akira had given permission for Sakurako to start the game, and Asai found no asylum when she began to rant about how, "the tag couldn't be real! It was a malicious hoax perpetrated by that loser Makino!" Oh no, it had been months since Anyone at Eitoku had been tagged, and the vicious students found that their old bloodlust was raging. Hardly anyone batted an eye, when a week or so later, a bruised and filthy Asai found herself withdrawing from Eitoku; even her snide style of bitchiness couldn't withstand the determined degradation heaped upon her by her former friends and comrades. Still, she was just transferring to Eirin. Undoubtedly, once she recovered from her newly broken nose, she would carve out her old niche in this new setting. . .  
  
No one was sorry to see her go, not really. Sakurako giggled with glee, in fact. And even the normally kind-hearted Kazuya sighed in relief that he would never again have to feel her needle-sharp shoes kicking him in the head, or trampling him in the corridors. At any rate, this unpleasantness was soon forgotten as public attention turned to focus on this season's most noteworthy couple.  
  
Everyone agreed that Akira and Yuki made a disgustingly cute pair. Well, everyone who mattered agreed, that is-the regular peons at Eitoku promptly stuck their noses in the air and looked the other way when they learned she was a commoner like Tsukushi. But, as she wasn't a student here, so there wasn't a damned thing they could do about it. And they were a cute couple. At work in the dango shop, Tsukushi was forced to listen to Yuki gushing happily for simply hours on end about how wonderful it was to have such a great boyfriend. Really, she was too easily impressed. Even more saccharine were the days when Akira made an appearance in the shop, and the two lovers got all mushy in the corner, leaving Tsukushi to handle the customers, and their boss to yell about inappropriate workplace behavior. Yuki didn't care who saw them kissing. Indeed, how could one even dream about caring about anything else at all when you were being deeply, (and skillfully) kissed by one of the greatest guys in Tokyo?  
  
"I never thought I'd see the day this happened to Akira," Soujiro whispered to Tsukushi one day, after he'd accompanied Akira to the shop after school. "He's completely turned to mush!"  
  
"Yeah," Tsukushi agreed, "I guess when playboys fall in love, they fall hardest of all." She forgot for a second to whom she was talking, but Soujiro only nodded.  
  
"Indeed."  
  
And what of Soujiro's goals? A smile from Tsukushi, a chance to win her love, or a date perhaps? Undoubtedly, the two grew closer. . . But did he ever get that kiss he craved? Or more?  
  
Well, what do you think?  
  
I know what came after. But. . . I'm not telling.  
  
  
  
And this is where this story ends.  
  
No conclusion, only another day.  
  
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As ever, questions or comments that you actually want a response to, should be sent to curdled_milk@attbi.com Thanks for reading this fic! And thank you all so much for reviewing! It really makes my day! 


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